Ralph Kramden, a NY NHL fan? (Part 1) (2021)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 4-3.)

(Alice is cleaning the kitchen.)

Ralph & Ed (from hallway, yell): “HEY EVERYONE! THE ISLANDERS WON!”

(They enter. Audience applauds.)

Alice: “Where were you two? The game was over seven hours Ago.”

Ralph: “We were at Joe The Bartender. He had the game on. It was nerve racking.”

Ed: “Yeah, we all got thought that. I thought Ralph was going to die.”

Ralph: “I knew that the Islanders will. The next game is on Wednesday. We will watch it at your house.”

Ed: “You can’t do that Ralph. My family is coming here tomorrow. We won’t see the game. Plus for that reason since family is more important. I’m a Penguins fan.””

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves. Ralph puts his head down on the table.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie (yells): “GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the NY Islanders 2-1.)

(Ralph comes home all dejected.)

Alice: "Ralph, I take it that the Islanders lost again."

Ralph: "You got that right. I was hoping they would return home to the Nassau Coliseum with a two game lead. Now, the series is tied."

Alice: "When is the next game?"

Ralph: "I think it is on Friday. Me and Ed are going to watch the game."

(Ed comes down. He blows his nose.)

Ed: "What a sad game Ralph-ie boy."

Ralph: "You know, I am hoping that the Islanders face the Florida Panthers in the next round. They would get to be down in the fun-and-sun capital of the world, Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Me too. Take a look at those Penguins. Their outfits look horrible."

Ralph: "They did look ugly right? It is too bad they can't dress as well as we do."

Alice: "You two dress well? Ha."

Ralph: "Don't laugh Alice. In high school, I was a human fashion plate."

Alice: "Are you sure that you didn't eat off of that plate?"

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"

Ed: "Now people will think that you look like a human dinner plate."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the NY Islanders 5-4.)

(Ralph & Ed are on the subway back home.)

Ralph: "What a lousy game Norton."

Ed: "During the third period, the Isles and Penguins went tit-for-tat and the Isles lost."

Ralph: "What a revolting development this is. The Islanders now are behind two games to one. That BUM Syndey Crosby is probably celebrating like crazy."

Ed: "He needs to be taught a lesson."

Ralph: "He seems so smug. He is the type of guy you want to punch right in the face."

Ed: "You know Ralph, I can see you getting into a fight with Sydney Crosby. You trying to punch him out..."

Ralph: "Thanks Norton."

Ed: "...only for you to get knocked out by a hockey stick."

(The subway stops.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, I KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT YOUR STOP BUT GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 4-1.)

(Ralph & Ed come home all happy.)

Ralph: “Boy, those Penguins got what they deserved. Losing by 3 goals.”

Ed: “Now the Islanders have a chance to win.”

Ralph: “Win they will. We need a NY area team to win the Cup. It’s been a looooing 18 years since an area team won the Stanley Cup.”

Ed: “If the Penguins lose, they won’t have Happy Feet.”

(Both laugh.)

Ralph: “That BUM Sydney Crosby is going to get a rude awakening. He isn’t going to get the Cup and when the Islanders do win, they might play the Florida Panthers. They will have the honor of seeing that action city, Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “The Islanders are going to bring the Cup back to Long Island.”

Ralph: “You got that right.”

(They both sing a song about the Islanders bringing the Cup to Long Island.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-2.)

(Ralph & Ed are having lunch at Ed's manhole.)

Ralph: "What a game last night Norton. The Islanders beat the Penguins in double overtime."

Ed: "That was a great game. Now, the Islanders have a chance to advance."

Ralph: "That Sydney Crosby is probably getting humble pie. Hahaha. Those Islanders are going to end their 37-year-old drought."

Ed: "Maybe the Islanders will face the Panthers next."

Ralph: "They will have the honor of playing right by that action city, Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Boy, I would love to see the Islanders take it to the Panthers and declaw them. Hahaha."

Ralph: "Me too Norton. With the Islanders moving out of the Nassau Coliseum, this will be a great way to end the era of the Nassau Coliseum."

Ed: "Those Islanders will know how to properly end an era."

(They both sing a song about ending an era.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Dude111]

Wow alot we dont know Ralph isnt there?

I didnt realise that was him in the movie THE TOY until a few years ago!!

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders win the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, 4 games to 2, by beating the Pittsburgh Penguins 5-3.)

(The boys come into the Norton apartment and greet the girls.)

Ralph: "Hello girls. What a great game that was."

Ed: "The Islanders won a playoff series in their home arena for the first time since '93."

Trixie: "I bet you all are happy."

Ralph: "I was until I found out that the Isles are going to face the Boston Bruins next and not Tampa Bay or Florida. I want the Islanders to have the honor of playing near Miami Beach."

(Crowds cheer.)

Alice: "I bet that you are happy that they are not facing those Wsahington Capitals."

Ralph: "I am. I am so sick of seeing the Capitals in the playoffs."

Ed: "Me too."

Ralph: "I can't wait to rub it in that poor, misguided soul Joe Fenstablau's face when I tell him that the Islanders won the playoff series."

Ed: "Here is to that poor, misguided soul, Joe Fenstablau."

Ralph: "I also want to rub it in someone else's face."

(Ralph sticks his head out the window.)

Ralph (yells): "HEY GARRITY! CHOKE ON THIS YOU LOUDMOUTH! THE ISLANDERS WON AND YOUR LOSER PENGUINS LOST. YOU ARE A LOSER JUST LIKE THEM. I KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T THROW A PIE DOWN INTO MY FACE NOW. HAHAHA!"

(Ralph goes back inside.)

Garrity (from outside, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN! HEY KRAMDEN!"

(Ralph sticks his head out and gets a pie in the face. Everyone laughs especially Ed.)

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT NORTON! PUT 'EM UP! PUT 'EM UP!"

(The girls try to separate them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. He still has pie on his face. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Boston Bruins beat the NY Islanders 5-2.)

(Ralph & Ed come into the Kramden apartment all upset.)

Alice: "Hello boys! I take it that you boys are upset that in the bowling alley, you saw the Bruins beat the Islanders?"

(The boys nod yes.)

Alice: "I hope that you all realize that the Islanders still have a chance."

Ed: "She's right Ralph. After all, the Bruins got lucky."

Ralph: "You are right Norton. The Bruins got lucky. They are going to be in for a rude awakening when the series comes to the Nassau Coliseum."

Alice: "You better hope the Islanders don't lose again."

Ralph: "They better not. The Islanders have a chance to win another series at home. The Islanders probably hated playing at the TD Garden."

Ed: "Well, the Bruins old arena had no air conditioning. Imagine what it was like to play a basketball game there during the summer time."

Ralph: "I could only imagine. The players would probably die of the heat."

Ed: "I would sweat like a pig. You would sweat like an elephant Ralph."

Ralph: "Oh, you are asking for it Norton."

Ed: "I will remind you of the nickname that you had when you were a hockey goalie in high school. Big Fat Goalie. Hahaha."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Boston Bruins 4-3.)

(Ralph just watched the game at home.)

Ralph (yells): "WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA! HAHAHA! THE ISLANDERS WON!"

Alice: "Ralph, I wish you had more sense. Hollering and hootering at this time of night."

Ralph: "It's my time to howl. The Islanders evened the series. Haha!"

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy! What a game. The Islanders tied the series."

Ralph: "Boy Boston has had some bad luck the past two days. The Celtics lost to the Nets and the Bruins lost to the Islanders."

Alice: "You two better calm yourselves down."

Ralph: "I can't wait to rub it in that Joe Fenstablau's face."

Ed: "Here is to that poor, misguided soul: Joe Fenstablau."

Ralph: "I wonder what it is like to drink alcohol from that Stanley Cup."

Alice: "It's a good thing you never won the Cup Ralph in a way."

Ralph: "Are you saying that I get drunk?"

Alice: "Oh no Ralph. I suppose you were sober when you came home from a Raccoon meeting, flung open the window and yelled: 'Hey Mrs. Gallagher, get your cat out of our apartment.' The only thing is that it wasn't her cat. You had yoru Raccoon hat on backwards."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"

Ed: "Hey Ralph, considering your huge frame, you must have drank enough beer for ten people."

Ralph (yells): "GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Boston Bruins beat the NY Islanders 2-1.)

(Ralph & Ed are in the bus company locker room for lunch.)

Ed: "Gee, what a dissappointing game last night Ralph."

Ralph: "Yes, now the Islanders have to climb out of that two games to one deficit."

Ed: "I thought that they were back in business when they tied it up."

Ralph: "Me too. I hope those Bruins don't think that they will beat our team. The Islanders are going to beat them."

(Joe Fenstablau walks in.)

Joe: "Hey you two. Looks like your team lost last night."

Ralph: "The Islanders will tie it up on Saturday night. When that happens, I will be Mr. Saturday Night."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Yeah, just like Jackie Gleason."

Ralph: "With this season being the last Islanders season at the Nassau Coliseum, this will be a season to remember."

(They all sing a song about it being a season to remember.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. Coming from Mr. Saturday Night himself, who is me, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Boston Bruins 4-1.)

(Ralph & Ed are at the bowling alley.)

Ralph: "What about last night's hockey game Norton? The Islanders tied it up."

Ed: "Four goals to one. The Islanders really showed the Bruins who is the boss."

Ralph: "Those Islanders only need to win ten more times for them to become Stanley Cup champions."

Ed: "How great would it be if they beat the defending champions, the Tampa Bay Lightning?"

Ralph: "That would be great. I would love for them to be that close to Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "I could have become a hockey player in high school. I loved being on top of all that water that goes into the sewer."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "I was a goalie while playing hockey and I was the first goalie to break the ice."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph: "Ooooooh, you are going to get it Norton. The Islanders need to win to close out their era at the Nassau Coliseum."

Ed (singing): "Glad to see them go/Glad to see them go/I hope the heck they never come back/I am glad to see them go."

Ralph: "Will you shut up Norton? The Islanders new arena is going to be in Belmont Park. The start of a new era."

(Ed blows his nose.)

Ralph: "We need to see game 5 on Monday."

Ed: "We will watch the Islanders win."

(They both sing a song about seeing the Islanders win.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Boston Bruins 5-4.)

(Camera zooms in on 328 Chauncey Street next to the Kramdens window.)

Ralph (from inside, yells): "HEY, THE ISLANDERS OUTLASTED THE BRUINS."

Ed (from inside, yells): "GREAT RALPH. DON'T JUMP UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR."

(The camera cuts to Ralph & Ed who just watched the game. Alice is right by,)

Ralph: "Boy, those Islanders really showed the Bruins who is the boss. They are practically third round bound now."

Ed: "And it looks like they will play the Lightning."

Ralph: "Would it be ironic if they played the Carolina Hurricanes? After all, we bowl for the Hurricanes Bowling Team. It says so on our jackets. Hurricanes. Hurricanes. How will people know that we are on the Hurricanes?"

Alice: "Just open your mouth."

Ralph: "Ooooooh, you are going to get it Alice."

Ed: "Those Bruins think that they will win. Tough luck for them. Tough luck for Boston too."

Ralph: "I couldn't agree with you more Norton. Time for me to spread the word."

(Ralph goes into the hallway.)

Ralph (yells): "ATTENTION EVERYONE! EVERYBODY IN THE BUILDING! HERE THIS! THE ISLANDERS WON! THEY HAVE A THREE GAME TO TWO ADVANTAGE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE BRUINS...OOOOFFF!"

Garrity (from hallway): "KRAMDEN, WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP?"

(Ralph comes in with pie on his face.)

Ed: "Looks like you can have your pie and EAT it too Ralph."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie, with pie still on his face, walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders won the Eastern Conference Semifinals, 4 games to 2, by beating the Boston Bruins 6-2.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game in the Nortons apartment.)

Ralph: "Boy, what a game. What a game. The Islanders really scorched the Bruins."

Ed: "Six goals to two. It was a great game."

Ralph: "Now, the Islanders are going to get ready to beat the Tampa Bay Lightning. The defending champs."

Ed: "Those Islanders now have to face the Lightning and have the joy of being in Florida."

Ralph: "Yes. Only several hours away from that action city, Miami Beach."

(Crowds cheer.)

Ed: "Those Islanders are looking to come into their own. I can't wait for the series to start."

Ralph: "Me too. The Lightning are going to get struck. Hahahaha! I think all the Panthers fans are going to be rooting for the Islanders due to the fact that the Lightning beating their Panthers."

Ed: "I wouldn't blame them. The Lightning are not going to win the Stanley Cup in two consecutive years because Lightning doesn't strike twice."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "We should see the night when the Islanders win the Cup if it happens at the Nassau Coliseum. I wonder how good it would be if we walked onto the ice."

Ed: "That wouldn't be good. You would break the ice and we would all drown."

Ralph (yells): "YOU WANT TO GET IT NORTON?"

Ed: "It would be an infamous moment."

Ralph (yells): "OKAY NORTON! PUT 'EM UP! PUT 'EM UP!"

(The girls try to separate the two.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the TB Lightning 2-1.)

(Ralph & Ed are having lunch by Ed’s manhole.)

Ed: “The Islanders are only seven wins away from the Stanley Cup.”

Ralph: “Yes, first time in 38 years boy.”

Ed: “And they would get there by beating the DEFENDING champions, the Lightning.”

Ralph: “This will be revenge for all the times the Lightning beat us.”

Ed: “Good thing it ain’t the Capitals again.”

Ralph: “Yes, I can’t stand meeting those Capitals again.”

Ed: “This was a matchup we wanted to see.”

Ralph: “Yes. The Islanders are a mere four hours away from that fun-and-sun capital of the world, Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “We should introduce ourselves to the Islanders. They play in ice which is frozen water and I work with water in the sewer.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “What a way for the Islanders to leave the Nassau Coliseum and go into their new arena.”

Ed: “What a way to go out.”

(They both sing a song about the Islanders leaving Nassau.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOID NIGHT!”

[Frank Gannucci]

(The TB Lightning beat the NY Islanders 4-2.)

(Ralph just heard the result coming home from a Raccoon Lodge meeting. Ed is with him.)

Ralph: "What a lousy game Norton. The Islanders blew a chnace at a two game lead."

Ed: "That is so true Ralph. I wanted the Islanders to win."

Ralph: "Me too. Now, I have to face that Joe Fenstablau tomorrow."

Ed: "That poor, misguided soul Joe Fenstablau."

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: "Hi boys! I suppose you heard the news about the Islanders."

Ralph: "We certainly did. What a lousy game. Hopefully, the Islanders can turn it around. I am so sick of the NY area not getting a championship."

Ed: "We only have three hockey teams, two basketball teams, two football teams, two baseball teams and two soccer teams. We are so screwed."

Alice (sarcastically): "Yeah, we are so screwed."

Ralph: "If I won a champiionship, we would be living on Park Avenue. Wait until you see waht this furniture looks like in a Park Avenue apartment."

Ed: "If I won a championship, I would live in an apartment next to water going into the sewer."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "We can all dream."

(They all sing a song about what it would be like if they won a championship.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)