Honeymooners Clip Fest Review: “Ralph Kramden’s Greatest Schemes”:

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Clip Fest Review: “Ralph Kramden’s Greatest Schemes”:

VHS: Was released without any additional episodes.
DVD: On the original lost episode DVD releases, this was attached to "Letter To The Boss" ('53 version), "Suspense" & "Dinner Guest."

It should be noted that for this first-ever DVD clip fest, this one had chapters whereas the other ones didn't.

This clip fest opens up (entitled on the DVD: "Ralph, The Schemer") with a clip from the '53 version of "Manager of The Baseball Team". The narrator says that Ralph wanted success in life and if it meant doing a crazy scheme, Ralph would rise to the occasion. The first scheme that they show is Alice being hypnotized from "The Hypnotist." (Ralph wanted Alice to be hypnotized just so she can show him the money that he needs to go on the Raccoon Convention.) As they show the beginning of "The Checkup", the narrator says Ralph wanted to out scheme Alice even if there was no scheme in the first place. (In this episode, Ralph knows that a doctor is coming over and he thinks that the doctor is going to give him a checkup and if Ralph is well, Alice will get insurance money so he foils her plan by acting like he is a chronic alcoholic. Turns out that the doctor is Dr. Stanley and he was giving Ralph a physical so he can get a promotion as assistant starter.) Basically, the whole episode is played.

The next clip (generically entitled on the DVD: "Reggie Van Gleason III") they play is from a Reggie Van Gleason sketch (despite the fact that the title of this clip fest is “RALPH KRAMDEN’S Greatest Schemes.”) According to the narrator, Reggie would perform a scheme that would make Ralph look like a saint. Reggie's parents (played by Art Carney & Zamah Cunningham) are at home. Reggie's identical twin brother Wilbur arrives. Wilbur acts very nice when the butler helps him with his things. Wilbur dresses just like Reggie. Wilbur gives his parents gifts. Wilbur says that he despises Reggie. Wilbur goes to his room because his bunson burner is acting up again. Reggie comes home dressed like Wilbur. Unlike Wilbur, Reggie is very mean to the butler when the butler helps him with his things. Reggie gets some booze. When he mixes the drinks up, an explosion is seen and heard. That doesn't make Reggie and his parents mad for some reason. Reggie's dad says that a psychiatrist is coming over to examine Reggie any minute. Reggie: "Good. I feel like lying on the couch. I have a rippling hangover." After Reggie takes another drink, he does a cartwheel faint that looks like a precursor to break dancing. Reggie retires to his room but comes out with a jar of Wilbur's fleas. He is told that Wilbur is experimenting those fleas. Reggie's parents go to the library. Reggie's girlfriend (the house maid) arrives and gets kissed by Reggie. Reggie says that he thinks that the family flipped his lid. So, he spills Wilbur's fleas over the floor and retires to his room. The maid tells Wilbur that his fleas are loose. Wilbur comes out and takes one of the fleas to his room. The psychiatrist (played by George Petrie) and his assistant arrive. Reggie comes out with a golf ball and club and hits the golf ball badly. I heard that was a blooper and Gleason was to hit the ball harder. The psychiatrist and his assistant give Reggie an interrogation. First a word association test. Psychiatrist: "Grand Central." Reggie: "Cocktail." Psychiatrist: "5th Avenue." Reggie: "Cocktail." Psychiatrist: "Public library." Reggie: "Cocktail." Psychiatrist: "Empire State Building." Reggie: "High ball." The doctors think that Reggie is suffering from lack of focus. The psychiatrist then asks Reggie if he has any mementos from his youth that he clings too. Reggie says that he does and goes to his room to get them. The doctors think Reggie is nuts. Wilbur comes out and looks for Herman (a flea). The doctors think that Wilbur is Reggie. Wilbur goes to his bedroom. The doctors now think moreso that Reggie is nuts. Reggie comes out with a canoe. He used that canoe during his college days because there was a girls pool across the lake. The doctors then ask Reggie if he has any hobbies. Reggie says that he collects things and goes to his bedroom. The doctors think that Reggie should be put away. Wilbur comes out and collects another flea named Herman (I wonder if Gleason was supposed to say a different name). Wilbur goes to his bedroom. Reggie comes out with a candy-striped pole. Reggie: "I bought this home by mistake. I thought it was a girl in a tight sweater." Reggie must have been very stupid. The doctors than very nicely ask Reggie if he would go with them to a "very nice" place. Reggie says he will be right with them and goes to his room. Wilbur comes out and the doctors take him away. Reggie and the maid come out. Reggie asks the maid if she would go for a ride. She agrees. Reggie goes into one room of the house and comes back driving a convertible and they make out.

The next Kramden scheme (entitled on the DVD: "The Midnight Move" they show is from "Move Uptown." They show the whole scene where the Kramdens and Nortons are trying to help the Kramdens move in the middle of the night just so he can skip out on his lease.

The next scheme (entitled on the DVD: "The Poor Soul") is from a Poor Soul sketch (once again, despite the fact that the name of this clip fest is RALPH KRAMDEN's Greatest Schemes.) Apparently even the Poor Soul had outrageous schemes. This one, he tries to elope with his girlfriend (who is living in her parent's brownstone apartment.) The Poor Soul has a ladder and goes up it to grab her things. This is almost like the final scene in "Game Called On Account of Marriage." One difference is that Gleason didn't have to tell the actress in character to go out using the front door. While the Soul is doing this, an alarm clock in one of the cases blares. A cop comes but all he does is beat on the Poor Soul a little bit after the Poor Soul turns off the clock. Later on, the clock rings again. The cop comes but when Reggie turns off the clock, he leaves in a huff. Wow! But, there is a blooper in this scene. When the Poor Soul takes down a very big case, he accidentally knocks the buildings fence over. Who would ever think that a brownstone apartment building's fence wouldn't be nailed to the building? Gleason fixes it up. Finally a real burglar runs by and the cop comes by again and thinking that the Poor Soul is the thief, nabs him. I guess we are supposed to believe that a person in the neighborhood saw the burglar and yelled "Stop thief". The cop (who presumably hadn't seen the burglar) runs after the burglar and when he sees the Poor Soul, he must have thought that the Poor Soul was the thief.

The last scheme on this clip fest (entitled on the DVD: "Staging A Robbery") is the scene from "Great Jewel Robbery" where Ralph tries to stage a robbery and have a robber steal Alice's watch that she thinks is a birthday present for her (it was actually a birthday present for Ralph's boss' daughter.) Since Ralph forgot Alice's birthday, he doesn't have the heart to tell her who the watch belongs to as well as the fact that he forgot her birthday. So he attempted to stage a robbery by having one of Ed's friends (who is an amateur actor and a person Ralph ahs never seen before) come. It turns out that a real burglar comes. Alice tries to foil the robbery by hitting the burglar "out cold" with a frying pan to the head. (Realistically, that shot could not have knocked the burglar out.) Alice goes into the bedroom to call the cops. Ralph revives the burglar and has him steal Alice's present (which by this time, she had taken off). The burglar leaves with the watch. When Ed comes down with the news that the amateur actor couldn't make it, Ralph faints. That is the end of the clip fest.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.

[Frank Gannucci]

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[Frank Gannucci]

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