Ralph Kramden, a NY NHL fan? (Part 1) (2020)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes best the NY Rangers 1-0.)

(Ralph meets with Ed in the bus company locker room)

Ed: “Ralph, what a loss. It’s bad enough that the NHL playoffs are four months late but the Rangers lost.”

Ralph: “You said it Norton. I didn’t even know that the game happened until it was too late. We need a NY team to win the Cup this year.”

Ed: “Yes, it has been too long since a NY team won the Cup. 17 years ago was the last time when the NJ Devils won.”

Ralph: “What a shame. You know Alice’s mother is also anti-NY teams much like Garrity and Joe Fenstablau. I want to see her reaction when one of the NY teams finishes the playoffs.”

Ed: “I want to see your face Ralph as well.”

Ralph: “Thank you Norton.”

Ed: “I want to see the expression on your face when you see Alice’s mom if both NY teams fail In their quest.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(JACKIE walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes beat the NY Rangers 4-1.)

(Ralph comes home all sad.)

Alice: "Hiya Ralph! How was your day?"

Ralph: "Miserable. All the passengers got mad at me when I blared the Rangers/Hurricanes game on the radio so the whole bus can hear the game. They must all be Hurricanes fans."

Alice: "Ralph, you should have changed the station."

Ralph: "Are you kidding me? Rangers need more fans. All the bums on the bus kept on heckling the Rangers and yelling at me to change the station and I yelled back at them."

(Ed comes down and blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ed: "Hiya Ralph and Alice. What a lousy game. I cried a river when the tide came in. Hey Ralph, it is all over social media the video of you yelling on the bus to the passengers who were Hurricanes fans. You made a spectacle of yourself."

Alice: "Ralph, I hope you don't get fired."

Ralph: "Oh relax. I bet no one will watch that video."

Garrity (from upstaris, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN! I SAW YORU VIDEO ON YOUTUBE. YOU YELLING ON THE BUS WHEN THE RANGERS GAME WAS ON. YOU ACTED AND SOUNDED LIKE THE FAT IDIOT YOU ARE."

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "OKAY GARRITY, WHO IS THE DUMBEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE'S HISTORY? WHO IS IT?"

All (from outside, yell): "RALPH KRAMDEN!"

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(the NY islanders beat the Florida Panthers 2-1.)

(Ralph meets Ed in the subway.)

Ed: "Ralph, with the Islanders beating the Florida Panthers, 2-1, are chances of seeing a NY team win the Cup are increased."

Ralph: "Yes. I want the Islanders and the Rangers to meet in the third round. That will increase our chances of seeing a NY team enter into the Cup finals."

Ed: "Boy, those Panthers they look real tough."

Ralph: "Yeah. They also have the advantage of playing near Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Too bad the playoffs this year had to start in August rather than April this year."

Ralph: "Once again, I didn't even know that the first game happened until today. Now, the Islanders need to do is win game 2."

Ed: "You got that right. They need to win the series."

Ralph: "But, of course. Those Islanders are going to win the series."

(Ralph gets up.)

Ralph (yells): "ATTENTION EVERYONE. DOES ANYBODY AGREE WITH ME THAT THE ISLANDERS WILL WIN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS?"

Man (yells): "OOOOH! WHO CARES?"

Man #2 (yells): "NOBODY CARES ABOUT THEM MAN. THEY PLAY ON LONG ISLAND. NOBODY CARES ABOUT HOCKEY."

Ed: "There is your answer Ralph. All these people are not as smart as we are. Your brain is as big as yoru stomach."

(The subway stops.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEET OUT! I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YORU STOP."

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie (yells): "GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE."

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Florida Hurricanes 4-2.)

(Ralph comes into the kitchen.)

Ralph: "Alice, my Islanders won again. They are halfway to the end of the series."

Alice: "I am sure you are happy Ralph. I hope that you celebrate responsibly with Ed."

Ralph: "I always do."

Alice: "Oh really. I suppose that you were sober Ralph the time you came on down here, stuck your head out the window and yelled: 'Hey Mrs. Gallagher, get your cat out of our apartment. The only trouble is that it wasn't her cat. You had your Raccoon Hat on backwards."

Ralph: "All right. You got to pick on the one bad time."

Alice: "THere were a million more times where you did the same thing."

Ralph: "Oooooh, one of these days...one of these days..."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph. What a game that had to be huh? The Islanders are now up by two games. It will be great when the Rangers face the Islanders in the third round."

Ralph: "Yes. It is not a question of if. It is when."

Ed: "We should all spread the word about two of our three hockey teams doing so good."

(They both sing a song about their two of their three hockey teams being so good.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[opus]

Originally Posted by Frank Gannucci

Ralph: "Alice, my Islanders won again. They are halfway to the end of the series."

Alice: “Ralph, you big galoot. These series are 3 out of 5. They’re two thirds to the end of the series“

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes won the Eastern Conference Quarterfinal Round, 3 games to 0, by beating the NY Rangers 4-1.)

(Ralph meets Ed at the stoop of the building.)

Ralph: "What a lousy game Norton. I just found out that today that the first round of the playoffs this year is 3 out of 5. The Rangers BLEW it."

Ed: "That's so sad Ralph. I sooo wanted to see a NY Rangers and Islanders matchup in the third round."

Ralph: "It won't happen this year. At least we still got the Islanders."

Ed: "Yeah, maybe they will beat Carolina as punishment for Carolina beating the Rangers."

Ralph: "Yeah, that is one way of putting it. I want the Hurricanes to be beaten."

Ed: "They will get beaten. If you were on a hockey team Ralph, you should be on the Hurricanes."

Ralph: "Why do you say that?"

Ed: "People will know that you are a member by opening your mouth."

Ralph (points to the door): "You know what this means Norton?"

Ed: "Yes, I do."

Ralph (points to the door): "You know what this means."

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Florida Panthers beat the NY Islanders 3-2.)

(Ralph is in the poolroom with Ed.)

Ralph: "What a heartbreaker game Norton. The Islanders were apparantly one game away from sweeping the Panthers."

Ed: "I couldn't agree more. The team couldn't tie the score in the last few seconds. I was listening to the game on the job and than all of a sudden, the water washed the radio into the East River."

Ralph: "Well I think that the Islanders will pull through. We may have lost the Rangers but we only are allowed to have ONE team to win the Cup. If I won that Cup, I would love it."

Ed: "You would probably fill it up with beer."

(Both laugh.)

Ed: "I would fill it up with beer and milk mixed together."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Yeah, beer and milk REALLY go well together."

Ed: "I know that you would see it my way Ralph. As a matter of fact, let's raise the stakes, if the Islanders win, we go on eBay and win the fake trophy."

Ralph: "THe wives won't dare say no."

(They arrive abck at the apartment to see the girls.)

Alice: "Ralph, are you nuts? You are not going to spend a whole lot of money on a fake Stanley Cup."

Trixie: "Yeah Ed. You won't either."

Ralph: "We will Alice. All of our lives we wanted to be something in sports. I wanted to play hockey but I got discouraged. Do you know what they called me?"

Alice: "Yeah. Big Fat Goalie."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!" (normally): "Now girls, that money is just as much ours as it is yours. WE ARE GOING TO SPEND IT ON THE CUP ON EBAY. People are going to think highly of us like we were in the NHL."

Ed: "Yeah even though Ralph was called Big Fat Goalie."

Ralph (to Ed and Trixie, yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders won the Eastern Conference Quarterfinal Round, 4 games to 1, by beating the Florida Panthers 5-1.)

(Ralph comes home and puts his bus cap on the dresser.)

Ralph: "Hiya Alice! What a day I had today. All the passengers were nice and to top it off, the Islanders won the first round."

Alice: "Who did they beat again?"

Ralph: "The Florida Panthers. I heard the game on the radio. That was a great game."

Alice: "Who are they going to face next?"

Ralph: "I don't know. This year the NHL and the NBA decided to have their playoffs during the summer. I can't wait to find out who the Islanders' next victims will be."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy! What a game Ralph. I was able to watch the game on Bruce's smartphone until the tide came in."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ed: "What excitement down there in the sewer Ralph. People were cheering like mad that the Islanders won."

Ralph: "So was I."

Ed: "Really, I didn't hear you down in the sewer."

Ralph: "The next game will be sometime next week. Boy, I have a felling that the Islanders will win it all."

(They all sing a song about the Islanders winning it all.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Washington Capitals 4-2.)

(The girls are cooking dinner in the Kramden apartment.)

Trixie: “Expect our boys to come rolling in here after their early bowling game with the news of the hockey game.””

Alice: “Yes.”

(The boys come in.)

Ed: “Hi girls.”

Ralph: “Hi girls. What a great game those Islanders had against those pesky Capitals. The Islanders are unstoppable.”

Ed: “it’s too bad that the Capitals are facing us again. I had it with them.”

Ralph: “Me too. I wish they stay out of the NHL playoffs.”

Ed: “So do I.”

Alice: “When’s the next game?”

Ralph: “Friday night. Me and Norton will watch the game in his apartment.”

Ed: “Oh Ralph. That can’t happen. Trixie’s mom is coming over.”

Ralph: “You are not going to sit there and tell me Ed that you are going to blow this chance?”

Ed: “Yes I will.”

Ralph: “Norton, if I were you and my mother-in-law was coming, I would say that she can’t come.”

Alice: “Ralph, DONT you dare say that.”

Ralph: “I will. She tells me that I am a chicken.”

Ed: “Ralph, you are not a chicken.”

Ralph:”There.”

Ed: “You are an elephant.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT!GET OUT! GEEEEEET OUT!”

(The Norton’s leave.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT.”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Washington Capitals 5-2.)

(Ralph & Ed are in the poolroom on Saturday morning.)

Ralph: "What a game Norton. Those Capitals sure got what is coming to them. Hahahaha."

Ed: "They shure did Ralph. Now the Islanders are in the driving seat with a 2 game lead."

Ralph: "I so wish this series would end in a blowout. I am soooo sick of seeing our teams face the Capitals. They are like roaches."

Ed: "Yes, I see roaches every day when I am in the sewer."

(Harvey & George walk by.)

Harvey: "Hello Ralph and Ed."

Ralph: "Looks like my Islanders are going to win. The Islanders are going to twist the Capitals into bookends."

Harvey: "Is that so?"

George: "Haha."

Harvey: "You think you are a wiseguy huh? I don't like wiseguys. If your Islanders win, you get to belt me. If they lose, I belt you."

Ralph: "Bring it on yooooooooooou sneak."

(Later on, Ralph & Ed come home. Ralph has a black eye.)

Alice: "Ralph, what caused this? Are you ok?"

Ralph: "I got a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG mouth."

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Washington Capitals 2-1.)

(On Monday, Ralph meets Ed for lunch at Ed's manhole.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph. What about that game yesterday afternoon huh?"

Ralph: "Yes. Those Islanders have a stranglehold on the series. A three game lead. Hahaha!"

Ed: "Looks like those pesky Capitals aren't going to beat us."

Ralph: "Yeah. No team has beaten a NY team when down by three games."

Ed: "Well, there was the time when the Boston Red Sox beat the NY Yan..."

Ralph (yells): "DON'T SAY IT NORTON! I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER THAT."

Ed: "To think that the Islanders won the series in overtime."

Ralph: "Yes."

Ed: "What are we going to do when the Islanders beat those pesky Capitals?"

Ralph: "Oooh, I will shout from the rooftops."

Ed: "Don't you do that everynight with Alice and you arguing?"

Ralph: "Ooooh, you are a riot Norton. A real riot. But, let's sing about how great the NHL teams are in New York."

(They do.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Washington Capitals beat the NY Islanders 3-2.)

(Ralph walks into the kitchen.)

Ralph: "Alice, how could the Islanders BLOW IT? They had a two goal lead and they were on the cusp of sweeping those pesky Capitals."

Alice: "Ralph, the Islanders still have the advantage."

Ralph: "Yeah, I know but think about all the teams that have come back and won a series after being down three games. It has happened multiple times since 2004 when the Yankees lost to those BUM Red Sox."

(Ed comes down and blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ed: "What a heartbreaker Ralph-ie boy."

Ralph: "I just hope the Islanders don't lose to those Capitals. I hate them with a PASSION."

Ed: "The Capitals are trouble with a capital T."

Ralph: "I bet that Donald Trump is cheering on the Capitals."

Ed: "Hey, if they lose and he was the CEO of the Capitals, he would say to all of them: 'You're fired.'"

(All of them laugh.)

Ralph: "We need this city to make the Islanders popular."

Ed: "I will put posters of the Islanders all over the sewer and hope they don't wash away."

Ralph: "I will put posters all over the bus company and this apartment especially on Garrity's door. Hahahaha."

Ed: "That is to that poor misguided soul Garrity and we should put a poster on the locker of that poor misguided soul Joe Fenstablau."

(They both sing a song about making the Islanders popular.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders won the Eastern Conference Semifinals, 4 games to 1, by beating the Washington Capitals 4-0.)

(The boys come home to greet the girls in the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph: “Well girls, what a game me and Norton saw.”

Ed: “Those Capitals got what was coming to them.”

Trixie: “I bet you boys must be happy.”

Alice: “I bet.”

Ralph: “Those pesky Capitals lost.”

Ed: “It’s on to the third round where the Islanders will meet their next victims. I think it will be the Lightning of Tampa Bay.”

Ralph: “Another Florida team.”

Alice: “How Long has it been since the Islanders won the Cup?”

Ralph: “40 years.”

Ed: “With the water that you can fill the Cup, you can fill the NYC sewers.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “It’s time for me to belt Harvey because of that bet we made. Harvey is right next door.”

(Ralph goes next door. He comes back with a black eye.)

Ed: “Ralph, what happened? It looks like you got yourself into trouble again.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders won the Eastern Conference Semifinals, 4 games to 1, by beating the Washington Capitals 4-0.)

(The boys come home to greet the girls in the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph: “Well girls, what a game me and Norton saw.”

Ed: “Those Capitals got what was coming to them.”

Trixie: “I bet you boys must be happy.”

Alice: “I bet.”

Ralph: “Those pesky Capitals lost.”

Ed: “It’s on to the third round where the Islanders will meet their next victims. I think it will be the Lightning of Tampa Bay.”

Ralph: “Another Florida team.”

Alice: “How Long has it been since the Islanders won the Cup?”

Ralph: “40 years.”

Ed: “With the water that you can fill the Cup, you can fill the NYC sewers.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “It’s time for me to belt Harvey because of that bet we made. Harvey is right next door.”

(Ralph goes next door. He comes back with a black eye.)

Ed: “Ralph, what happened? It looks like you got yourself into trouble again.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Islanders beat the Philadelphia Flyers 4-0.)

(Ed comes down to see Ralph at the table.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say there Ralph? What a great game that was."

Ralph: "Oh I agree. Those Islanders really grounded those Flyers."

Ed: "4-0. Those Flyers got bombed."

Ralph: "Yeah, they most certainly did Norton. Maybe the Islanders will sweep this series too."

Ed: "The city of brotherly love is feeling the pain of their Flyers losing."

Ralph: "That is so right Norton."

Ed: "Too bad the series is not taking place in New York and Philly because the league stated that teams must play in certain cities this year."

Ralph: "Real shame. I am sure that the Islanders will love to play at Nassau but they can't. I am sure they would also love to play at the Fun & Sun Capital of the World, Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "This will be the Islanders year."

(They both sing a song about it being the Islanders year.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. Just like I said that the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)