Episode Reviews: "The Adoption" ('66 version) & "In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode Reviews: "The Adoption" ('66 version) & "In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Episode #173
TV: This episode was shown once on TV Land in March 2000.
DVD: On the HD Blu-Ray set, it is attached to episodes #34-39 of the classic 39, "Person To Person" segment with Jackie Gleason, the edited Honeymooners 35th Anniversary special that aired on CBS (Paramount edited the lost episode clips that were originally apart of this special) & the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special and two versions of "The Bensonhurst Bomber" (one has the original sponsor ads) and two versions of "A Man's Pride" (one has the original sponsor ads.)
Color Honeymooners & Lost Episode Title: "The Adoption."
Air Date: Sat. 1/8/66

"The Adoption" ('66 version):

This episode was a part of Jackie Gleason's American Scene Magazine and even though it was shot in black and white, it is a pilot of the Color Honeymooners.

I got the TV Land version of this episode back in 2007 thanks to a tape trade with Videowhack from sitcomsonline.com. The episode opens up with a camera slowly zooming out and showing what was then the American Scene Magazine logo. When the camera finishes zooming out for several seconds, Johnny Olen, the announcer says: "From Miami Beach, Florida, the Sun & Fun Capital of the World, it's Jackie Gleason and his American Scene Magazine and here he is: Jackie Gleason." Up until 2015 when I got the Blu Ray of the Classic 39, I thought that audio sponsor plugs were censored by TV Land because I thing it was odd that the camera zoomed out for several seconds and no one's voice is heard. Turns out I was wrong but the network DID EDIT the sponsor plugs that where attached to this show (one of which was Purina.) Yes, even in 2000, TV Land edited out sponsor plugs.

Jackie does his opening monologue and says that he is going to be working with some his old friends: Art Carney, Anne Seymour and Audrey Meadows. They are going to do a musical version of the Honeymooners. He says to Sammy Spear (his orchestra leader): "Some traveling music Sam." Jackie: "And away we go."

An exterior shot of Chauncey Street is shown with people dancing, playing etc. They all sing: "Brooklyn U.S.A." in which some of the lyrics are: "If you want to see what heaven is, visit Brooklyn USA." Yeah sure. Ralph comes home expecting to pick up Ed so they can go bowling. Ed comes with some news. Trixie has been visiting her sick mother and he is upset that since she is getting better, Trixie will come home. Ralph gets a letter from the Adoption Agency saying that they will get to adopt a baby. He is so happy. Ed is happy that he is going to be an uncle. They sing: "There'll Always Be a Kramden to Glorify the Name."

In the apartment, Ralph says to Alice for her to sit down. Ed does, so Ralph says that he meant her. Ralph: "What is the most important news that I could possibly tell you?" Alice: "They have condemned the building and we are moving out." Ralph accidentally spills the beans that they get to adopt a baby. Ralph: "That baby will have a name with importance. A name with power: Ralph Kramden." Alice agrees that Ralph will be a good choice. Ralph says that he hasn't read the part where the person from the Adoption Agency will come. Ralph says that the boy will have things he has never had but he won't be spoiled. Alice reads the letter and is upset. The adoption agency tells Alice her application is being considered, but that a staff worker must come to the apartment to look it over before final approval is granted. The Kramdens realize that there apartment looks terrible. Ralph has a plan. Ralph: "The person from the Adoption Agency won't be here until tomorrow." Ralph's plan: With Ed & Mrs. Manicotti's help: they borrow a TV set, drapes, refrigerator, stove, new table and chairs, couch, etc.--to make the apartment look presentable. Question: Ralph said that he didn't read the part when the person from the Adoption Agency will come, so how did he know that the person from the Adoption Agency will be there tomorrow?" Ed sings: "You Can Count on Me." Ralph and Alice are as nervous as two kids on their first date as they wait for Miss Lawrence played by Anne Seymour, the same person who played her in the earlier version) from the agency to arrive. Ralph says to Alice to be calm like he is, but he isn't calm at all. Miss Lawrence comes by. Everything is going smooth until Ralph says to Alice that the light in the fridge turns on when you open the fridge. Miss Lawrence asks: "Are there any places of recreation?" Ralph says that there is a poolroom. Alice says there is a playground and she is planning on taking the baby there every day. An ice man comes by with some ice to put in the ice box. Man: "What happened to the ice box?...Wow! You fixed the whole place up." Ralph says that they never got any ice from him. The jig is up. They tell Miss Lawrence that they spruced up the place and that the TV, the couch, the drapes, the refrigerator isn't theirs. They are fighting for this kid. Miss Lawrence says the agency is not as concerned with furnishings as it is with finding couples who really want children, and that she's never met a couple who want a child more than the Kramdens. Approved! Alice sings: "We'll have the Happiest Boy in the World." Some of the lyrics are: "Maybe he will be as funny as you are."

Ed Norton (with a loud jacket on) accompanies the Kramdens to the hospital. Ralph promised Ed that when the baby is elected president, he can be at the inauguration. Ralph thanks the doctor. Ed Norton goes outside. But Ralph is upset when they are told that they are going to get a girl. Ralph: "I want a boy." He was going to name the boy Ralph. Ralph: "Nobody wants a girl." What a nice thing to say...NOT! The doctor said that on the form, they would approve either sex. The doctor says he will see what he can do. He leaves and Alice goes outside in tears of sadness since that they are not getting the kid that is in the room. In a scene he played-- with a puppy--in the Classic Thirty-nine episode "A Dog's Life," Ralph apologizes to the baby for not wanting to bring her home. During this scene, Jackie Gleason was reading his lines that were in the baby carriage (since there was no real baby in there). Ralph says that girls can't play football. In 1998, in high school, I remember hearing about a girl football player on the varsity football team at my school. Ralph sings an emotional song called: "Little Girl" as the room inside the hospital turns off with a spotlight focusing on Jackie. Ralph is actually crying when he sings. After this, the doctor comes back with news that in a few weeks, they can get a boy. But Ralph now wants the girl. Alice is happy when she hears the news. Ralph carries the baby home. Ralph: "There's going to be a bowling champion and her name will be Ralphina Kramden."

At home, the apartment is a mess. Alice is singing: "Because Of My Beautiful Girl" while tossing powder (not the bottle, actual powder.) Ralph comes home with another doll for the baby. Ed comes in. The baby cries. Ed tries to sing a lullaby but that makes things worse. So Ed thinks that she needs milk but there is no bottle. They think of putting the milk into a glove and cutting off one of the finger tips of it (which eventually causes milk to squirt all over Ralph.) That is a scene that they did in "Lost Baby." They do the stunt again but with Ed holding the glove and Ralph using the scissors. But, Ralph still ends up with all of the milk on him. Ralph kicks Ed out. The doctor and Alice come in with sad news. The mother wants her baby back. Ralph is angry. He yells at the doctor, saying that the mother put her up for adoption and now they are the legal parents so they shouldn't surrender her. The doctor leaves and Ralph is yelling about how much he loves the kid. There are no funny statements being said here. Alice is ready to cry. Alice: "Imagine how the mother feels." Ralph eventually realizes that it is wrong to keep the kid, so he goes upstairs to Ed's to call the doctor. Ralph: "We can always get to adopt another baby from the Adoption Agency. Maybe we will get lucky and have one of our own." That makes Alice happy. Ralph leaves.

During the curtain call, Jack announces Art and Audrey at the same time and he announces the supporting cast (Anne Seymour, Sid Fields & Phil Relins). If this was a regular Color Honeymooners episode, he would have announced everyone separately.

Johnny does the sponsor plugs (again, one of which was Purina) before the credits roll with the same font that was used for the first two seasons of the Color Honeymooners.

I liked this version better only because of the slightly happier ending.

Episode #174
DVD: Attached to "Ship of Fools" & "Poor People of Paris".
Color Honeymooners Title: "In Twenty-Five Words or Less."
Lost episode title: "Box Top Kid."
Air Date: Sat. 9/17/66

"In Twenty Five Words Or Less":

These episodes have a different opening than the ones you would have see on what is now Youtoo America (except for "Confusion Italian Style, which for some reason has the non-syndicated opening). As the camera zooms in on Miami Beach, a slower version of the opening music is heard and Johnny Olsen doesn't sound as excited as he does in the syndicated version when he says: "From the Sun & Fun Capital of The World: Miami Beach." Also, the Jackie Gleason Show logo is MUCH different looking at is shown over the blue sky. Also, the camera zooms in on every one of the Glea Girls as they announce the stars' names.

The episode opens with girls (the June Taylor dancers) dancing on a ship. Alice comes looking for Ralph and describes what he looks like to one of the crew members. Ralph comes in. Alice's sister, Helen, and her husband, Frank, have won a cruise to Europe, and Ralph and Alice go to see them off on the boat. Ralph is jealous.

In their stateroom, Helen is so excited. One of the things that Frank has is a video camera that according to him has a zoom feature that goes in and out. Wow! How times have changed. He plans to use on the trip. A waiter comes in and makes a crepe suzette (French pancakes) and in order to do so, he has to start a fire on his little stove. Ralph comes in and thinks that the boat is on fire and puts it out. One of the things that Frank films is Ralph putting out the fire. He plans to show the video off at the Raccoon Lodge. So Ralph tries to run after him in the stateroom to get that video. Ralph is acted like his typical self here.

The next day, Alice is talking to Trixie. Trixie is borrowing Alice's cookbook. I should mention that the apartment wallpaper is green where in later episodes, it's blue. Trixie says that she has never been on a boat before except for the one in the Tunnel of Love. Soon after that, Trixie leaves. Ralph and Ed come in. Ralph has bought every product that's running a contest--$23.50 worth of dog food, cereal, cake mix, detergent, etc.-- so he can win something too. Ralph says if that Frank can win a contest, so can he because he's smarter than he is. He is? Ed: "That is right because you got me helping you." He says to Ed that once Alice finds out about this if she finds about this, he will pull the scheme in which he has done this for her. Alice listens and when Ralph and Ed want to put the boxes on the fire escape, they spot Alice. Alice doesn't believe what Ralph has done and they argue about what Ralph is doing. Ralph says he is the King of the Castle and orders Alice to make his dinner. Alice (taking the Happy Hound Dog Food): "All right Rex, have a Happy Hound Meatball." Alice goes into the bedroom as Ralph and Ed do the contest work. One of the contests required Ralph to open the box. Anyway, one contest is "Guess the US President. One of the clues is a woman washing and the other clue is a ton. Ed: "I know it. Lyndon B. Johnson." Ralph: "What do you mean? There isn't a bird in the picture." Ed: "It's very simple. What they are trying to say is Washington. Who's in Washington right now? Johnson." Ed is so stupid and Ralph's more stupid for believing him. They also do another contest for the Flakey Wakey diet breakfast cereal in which you have to write an essay on how Flakey Wakey has made you lose weight. Ralph: "First prize is a $40,000 ranch house." Ed writes what Ralph says: "Before I started eating delicious Flakey Wakey, I weighed 250 pounds. I now weigh..." Ed: "260 pounds." Ralph says to erase that and put down 170 pounds. Ralph's winning slogan: "Flakey Wakeys add to the taste and take away from your fat little waist." They do another contest where you have to name the dog that is in the picture. Ed suggests: Ralph as the name so not only can people can call him, but so can dogs. Ed: "Ralph! Ralph!" Ed barks like a dog and Ralph kicks him out. This whole moment that Ed was kicked out by Ralph was shown on the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special in 2002 and is a moment that you can see on the syndicated openings.

The next day, Alice says to Trixie that Ralph finally won a contest. A big puppy dog named Happy. The dog is so big, that he has to sleep in the bedroom while Ralph & Alice sleep in the kitchen. The dog's appetite is so big, that he ate the large amount 30 cans of dog food for lunch. Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home and is scared to death of the dog. He says that he is a dinosaur. Alice: "That is Happy, the dog that you won." Ralph says that they have to give the dog away. Ed comes in. Ralph mentions what he has won and says that they have to give the dog away. He plans on giving the dog to Ed, but Ed is on to his little scheme. Ed is shown the dog. Ed: "What a beautiful beast." Ed still doesn't want him. Ralph: "This dog won a prize at MSG." Ed: "So did Trixie. She used to wrestle there before we got married." A telegram comes and it says that Ralph won the Flakey Wakey contest and the first prize is a $40,000 ranch house. The Kramdens are all happy as Ed is crying because he will miss him. Ralph: "My door will always be open to you." Ed: "My sewer will always be open to you." The only problem is that people from the Flakey Wakey diet breakfast cereal are going to come and see pictures of what Ralph looked like before he lost all the weight thanks to Flakey Wakey cereal. Since on the Flakey Wakey boxes, it says: "For every box of Flakey Wakey, you lose a pound", he suggests that Ralph eat 80 boxes. Ed then gives Ralph the idea he needs. He will be "Mr. Kramden" and Ralph will be "Ed." Ralph will take a picture of Ed looking like he's a big guy. Ralph asks Alice to get the paper with the slogan that is in the bedroom. Alice says that she doesn't have to listen to him because he is "Norton." Since Ed is "Ralph", he acts like Ralph by saying that he is the king of the castle." Alice (yells): "AH, SHUT UP!" I think that's the final time Alice said that during the whole series and the first time she said it in a long time.

The next day, Ed has a bunch of pillows underneath his jacket to make him look big. Ralph takes the picture and it came out great. (He used a non disposable camera. He obviously couldn't use a digital camera since they had yet to be invented.) Ed says that since he wrote the other part of the slogan and that he is impersonating Ralph, how come he is getting nothing. Ralph says that when he gets the ranch house, this apartment is Ed's until the lease runs out. Wow! Ed goes into the bedroom to change. The man from the Flakey Wakey cereal, Mr. Masterson, comes along with his assistant. Ralph and Ed have a little problem as far as their "real identities" are. Ed refers to himself as "Ralph Kramden" but he does it in a funny fashion. The people from the Flakey Wakey cereal see the picture of what "Ralph" looked like before and is puzzled by the fact that "Ralph's" face didn't decrease in size due to the decrease in his weight so "Ed" covers it buy saying that "Ralph" ate the food very fast. He believes him. The whole idea works until Trixie accidentally foils it. When the Flakey Wakey people question her, she tells him that Ralph is Kramden. The Flakey Wakey people catch on to the ruse. But because Flakey Wakey wants the slogan, Ralph is awarded the second prize: a trip to Europe for four. The person who gets the first prize is a Frank Grober from Long Island, NY (Ralph's brother-in-law that is married to Helen.) Ralph is upset.

At the curtain call, Jackie introduces the main cast and says "Good Night!"

You will notice there was no musical numbers in this episode. One theory is that Jackie said: "For the first week, we will let the audience get used to the wives and next week we will use the musical numbers, even though we had musical numbers in the show before." He probably didn't want the audience to adjust to so many changes during the first episode.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Box Set booklet Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.