A Honeymooners Mother's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed are at a Brooklyn golf course.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy! We are here. You are entering the golf game."

Ralph: "Yes, I am. I told Alice that I am winning that $1,000 prize and I won't be spending Mother's Day with that witch of a mother that she has."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You are the Man of The House."

Ralph: "Yes, I am in complete command. I will certainly win the game this afternoon. I wonder who my opponent is going to be."

(Alice's parents arrive. Ralph has an angry look on his face. Alice's Mother comes out with her golf gear on.)

Alice's Mom: "Hiya Sonny Boy! Looks like you will be my opponent."

Ralph (yells): "WHAT? I GOT TO PLAY GOLF WITH YOU?"

Alice's Mom: "Yes, I am going to show you how to play golf. Knowing you, you will probably hit all the balls into the sand trap and the water."

Ralph: "That shows you how much you know. My caddie, Mr. Norton knows how well I play golf."

Ed: "Yes, Ralph always hits the ball far. Matter of fact, he hit the ball so hard, it went into the window of a nearby home."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Alice's Mom: "I know that my Alice will come by. I sooo wish that I was a grandmother. I want Alice to come to me and say that she is pregnant. But, the only one that I see is pregnant when I come by, is you."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!" (normally): "Now, seeing that you are my opponent, I am going to put you in your place and you will treat me with respect and address me in a silver tongue."

Alice's Mom: "Oh, why don't you shut up?"

(The golf game starts. Alice comes by.)

Alice: "I wish both of you luck."

Ralph: "I don't need luck. I got all of the abilities right in me."

Alice's Mom: "Along with food and beer."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"

(They play the golf game. They are both neck and neck. They are finally at the 18th hole. There is a big pond of water right next to where Ralph is standing.)

Ralph: "This is great. I am going to beat you and shut you up on Mother's Day. Hahaha> You see. You thought that I was going to embarrass and humiliate myself. Well, you are wrong." (walking backwards towards the pond): "I am solid as the ground I am walking on."

(Ralph slips and falls into the water.)

(Uncle Leo comes by.)

Uncle Leo: "Hello everyone. Am I too late for the game?"

(Alice's Mother hits a hole in one.)

Alice's Mom: "You may too late for the majority of the game, but not too late to see my big, fat whale of a son-in-law make a fool of himself. He looks like he was right at home in that water. He looked like a whale."

Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH. I AM GOING TO GET MY HANDS ON YOU."

(Ralph starts a fight with his mother-in-law.)

Host: "Due to Mr. Kramden's behavior, he is disqualified and the winner is Mrs. Gibson."

Ralph (yells): "WHAT?"

Ed: "Ralph looks like your plan to win the money got all wet."

(Ralph chases after Ed. Eventually all three parties settle their differences.)

(Jackie comes on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"