A Honeymooners Valentine's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The girls are in the Kramden kitchen.)

Trixie: “Hey Alice, do you realize that tonight Friday night is Valentine’s Day night and we don’t have any plans?”

Alice: “I know. I wanted to have a romantic night out but Ralph says he HAS to go to the Raccoon Lodge for a night of fun.”

Trixie: “Same thing with my Ed. What great hubby’s we have.”

Alice: “Yeah, I think they spend more nights out having fun than they do with us.”

(The boys come home. Crowd applauds.)

Ralph: “Hiya girls.”

Ed: “Whaddaya say girls?”

Alice: “I suppose you boys want to go to the Raccoon Lodge tonight?”

Ralph: “No. We got a surprise. Don’t we Norton?”

Ed: “We do.”

Ralph: “Since today is Valentine’s Day, we decided a few days ago to treat you girls to a vacation at a place you want to visit. Its Mount Airy Lodge in the Poconos.”

Alice: “Ralph, that is wonderful.”

Trixie: “I second that Ed.”

(The couples hug and kiss each other.)

Ralph: “We will pack tonight.”

Alice: “I will get your gift Ralph which is a huge Valentine’s Heart full of chocolates.”

Ed: “Ralph, you better not eat it. You’ll get a heart attack.”

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Ed: “I remember those Mount Airy Lodge ads with the pool in the hotel room. I will feel right at home.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “This will be a great Valentine’s Day.”

(They all sing a song about how this will be a great Valentine’s Day.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. Miami is certainly BETTER than the Poconos.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “I want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day and the Miami Valentine’s Days are the BEST. GOOD NIGHT.”

(Crowd cheers.)