New Pilot: "The Green Show"

[Superbatboy]

The Green Show

Theme: Middle/Working class African American Family

Cast: 1.Ben-40 year old Office Manager...."The Sane One in the House"
2.Barbara-40 year old Kindergarten Teacher.."A crazy but responsible mom"
3.Carlo-17 year old sarcastic brainiac...."The sarcastic Oreo"
4.Cynthia-15 year old loud mouth...."Smart, sarcastic, and ghetto"
5.Rauna-21 year old gigolo.... "The total leech, and a goldigger"
6.Tina....Owns a business and is one of Barbara's close friends "A crazy but supporting friend"
7.Jeremy-White But Very Cultured "A well adjusted person"

Setting:Los Angeles Suburb

Pilot-Episode 1

Ben: Okay, family meeting.

Carlo: About what dad??? You know we're busy. We're Los Angeles school kids we have lives you know.

Ben: Carlo please, a cell phone with candy in it does not count as being busy. Besides this will be a very serious meeting.

Carlo: You want me to call the rest of the family down? Cause you know I got vocals.

Ben: Shoot away.

Carlo: Mom, Cynthia, Rauna, get down here now (YELLING LOUDLY)

(Barbara walking down the stairs)

Barbara: Boy, you are not in the projects, act like you got some sense

Carlo: Just trying to be helpful

Barbara: How come when I ask you to take out the trash you don't have the same attitude????

Carlo:....

Barbara: Or when I ask you to go to the store to by some Kotex..

Carlo: Mom you know that's embarassing...

Barbara: Why?? Your wife is going to ask you to do the same thing

Carlo: No she's not....that's why we're going to Price Club. Wait, the Kotex don't get stale right??? We CAN buy them in bulk right????

Barbara: You seriously need help.

Ben: Okay since we're all here, and somewhat sane. I have a major issue to discuss.

Barbara: Okay go ahead.

Ben: I lost my job.

Rauna: Does this mean I have to move out??

Carlo: No that was when YOU called the family meeting a few weeks ago and said you were dropping out of college. Have ya packed yet???

Ben: Shut up Carlo, this is serious. We're really gonna have to start watching our spending for a while.

Cynthia: Well, since I'm 15 I can start working part time at Chewy's.

Carlo: No you can't!!

Cynthia: Why???

Carlo: Because first off I work there, second you have too much school work with your honors classes. And third I work there. I can't have you cramping my style.

Cynthia: Boy please you got as much style as Micheal Jackson's plastic surgeon that told him he looked good when he woke up.

Ben: She got you on that one

Carlo: What's that supposed to mean???

Barbara: It means you're an Oreo.

Cynthia: Well mom I didn't mean that, but if you want to put it that way....

Barabara: Oops....

Ben: My Family

Barbara: You're just not as black as the rest of us Carlo

Carlo: What??? I'm the darkest person in here.

Cynthia: We all know that....

Barbara: What I mean is....well... Your Friends...

Carlo: What's wrong with having white friends????

Barbara: Nothing, but when you go to a school like Reynolds High where 99% of the people there are black, and you have only white friends, there's something wrong.

Carlo: You know, that's what I get for being open-minded.

Cynthia: No that's what mom and dad get for not letting you watch reruns of Good Times. I mean Cosby was a big hit, but....

Carlo: But what....

Cynthia: Aw nothing...

Ben: Come on you guys let's get focused. We're really going to have to cut back around here.

Familysucking teeth)

Ben: Come on now, y'all just didn't get finished eating ribs. Stop flossing your teeth with your tongues.

Cynthia: So when you say cut back what does that mean??? Not my dance class

Carlo: (Sarcastic)Oh no anything but that. Don't cancel Cynthia's dance classes. It's her out let, her freedom.

Cynthia: Boy you know you're a whimp and I can beat you down so you better stop.

Ben: Yea Cynthia it might mean your dance class if it comes down to it.

Carlo: No, what he's saying is it WILL come down to your dance classes. But it doesn't matter, cause you ain't good any way.

Cynthia: Please I can dance circles around your white behind.

Carlo:.....

Ben: And Carlo you might have to sell your car and get something cheaper cause we can't help make the payments for a while.

Carlo: Your playing right???

Cynthia: Was Mike Tyson playing when he decided to go cannibal on Evander Holyfield????

Ben: And Rauna, you have to pitch in a little bit more.

Rauna: Okay that's cool, but I don't have to move right???

Ben: No

Carlo: How come we have to sacrafice and she doesn't???

Rauna: Cause I got it like that, right daddy???(In a Kiss up tone)

Ben: Yes.

Carlo: You always go so easy on her.

Cynthia: Yeah

Ben: No I don't, I treat all my kids equally.

Rauna: Don't hate, congratulate.

Carlo: I sure we'll congratulate you when you graduate college this Ju....Oops..I forgot...

Rauna: Must you bring that up every single day of my life????

Carlo: Every single day of your useless, pathetic life

Cynthia: Pathetic

Barbara: Pa-the-thic

Ben: Barbara, you're acting like one of the kids.

Barbara: Sorry just got caught up in the moment.

Ben: But, if I find something quick then there's nothing to worry about.

Cynthia: Sure there's nothing to worry about, have you taken a look at the economy lately???

Carlo: Yeah they might as well add an "n" to the end of dow.

Barbara: There's hope.

Cynthia: A hope that there's not another teacher's strike.

Carlo: Oh please no.

Cynthia: No, please, last time I had to go without a press and curl for two months. I looked so messed up (whining)

Carlo: Oh yes you did.

Cynthia: Shut up Carlo.

Ben: My family...



SCENE 2
(At Carlo's school Reynold's High)

Carlo: So my family thinks I'm not black enough. My own mom thinks i'm an Oreo. I mean, am I an Oreo???

Jeremy: No.... you're a double stuffed Oreo.

Carlo: Come on Jer, I'm very in touch with my black side.

Jeremy: How could you not be, you're so dark the government is gonna come after YOU soon and blame YOU for part of the energy crisis.

Carlo: Ha ha....

Jeremy: Study for Chemistry???...oh wait I forgot you're a nerd. What is wrong with me asking all these rhetorical questions lately??? Like... Do you have a date? Are you going out Saturday? Did you do the homework? Are you....

Carlo: Okay I get the point.

Jeremy: Sorry, got a little carried away there.

Carlo: Oh why DO I hang out with you???

Jeremy: Cause you ain't got no friends boy. Not only do you not have many friends, but your friends wit a white boy in an all black school.... There's not hope for you Whitey.

Carlo: You know what??? I'm gonna change.

Jeremy: Carlo, there are enough transvestites in L.A.

Carlo: No nit witt. I'm gonna become more black.

Jeremy: You....

Carlo: Yes me...

Jeremy: That's like Roseanne grabbing a bag of Lays and saying she just gon' eat one.

Carlo: You know that ain't right.

Scene 3

(At Herman Elementary school where Barbara teachers)

Barbara: Okay kids it's nap time.

Little kid 1: No it's time for play

Barbara: No it's time for a nap, cause you know if you don't take a nap you'll be totally useless like my 21 old daughter and live at home with your parents until your 60 and have to change their diapers.

Kids: Ew!!!!

Assistant: Barbara, don't you think that's a little harsh???

Barbara: I'm the teacher I say what I want.

Little Kid 2: My mommy says you're a liar

Barbara: I'm not a liar, she really is cheating on your dad. Trust me kid I'm the queen of gossip, I know all, tell all.

Little Kid 2: My mommy and daddy had a fight because of you.

Barbara: No, your mommy and daddy had a fight because her infedelity.

Little Kid 2: What's that???

Barbara: It's when a woman is going through a mid life crisis and....

Assistant: Barbara!!!!

Barbara: What's wrong with being honest???

Assistant: He is only 5 years old.

Barbara: Okay fine, I can't afford to be suspended again. Ben lost his job.

Assistant: Oh no. What happened???

Barbara: You know, the whole post Sept. 11 scheme.

Assistant: I know "we have to cut back because of the sagging economy" My husband went through the same thing.

Barbara: That company was doomed from the start. I mean selling igloos in Florida is not a good idea.

Assistant: Ben didn't sell igloos

Barbara: I know but it's still a bad idea

Assistant: How did you ever become a teacher???

Barbara: Hello, this is Los Angeles Unified School district.

Assistant: Oh yeah.


SCENE 4

(At Cynthia's Dance Class)

Cynthia: So, I might have to stop my dance lessons

Instructor: Why???

Cynthia: My dad lost his job

Instuctor: Sorry to hear that

Cynthia: Yeah I know

Instructor: Well, you'll be back soon

Cynthia: I can be back sooner if you, you know....

Instructor: What???

Cynthia: Hook a sister up

Instructor: You mean with free dance lessons???

Cynthia: Yeah

Instructor: Sorry honey, it would be unfair to the other students

Cynthia: They ain't gotta know

Instructor: They sure don't, but I'll know, and I gosta get paid honey

Cynthia:...

Instructor: Are you paying for this lesson???

Cynthia: NO

Instructor: See ya!!!!!

SCENE 5

(Back at the Green's home)

Jeremy: So why did you ask me to come over and help you with your blackness??

Carlo: Cause you're my buddy and my ace

Jeremy: I mean what am I gonna do?? I'm white. I may be blacker than you, but I still can't help you out of the nabisco bag.

Carlo: We can brainstorm

Jeremy: Why don't you start by watching BET????

Carlo: BET???? What's that???

Jeremy: Oh my God, you don't know BET??? Black Entertainment Television????

Carlo: Oh I've heard of that. Let's turn on the T.V. What channel is it on???

Jeremy: Oh my goodness, it's channel 101.

Carlo: Okay here we go. Wait, this is the spice channel.

Jeremy: No it's not, it's a Jay-Z video.

Carlo: Jay-Z??? It looks like an advertisement for a strip club. Ew..... turn that off.

Jeremy: Well, I don't know what to tell you man. Except ask someone who knows about blackness.

(Enter Cynthia)

Carlo: Ah, Cynthia my girl.

Cynthia: Please, what do you want???

Carlo: I need help finding myself.

Jeremy: No Carlo you've already found YOURSELF, and your in a big white preppy rut. You wanna change yourself

Cynthia: Sorry homes, there's no hope for you.

Carlo: Come on there has to be hope.

Cynthia: Sure that's what the prosecutors on O.J.'s case said too.

Jeremy: I say go back to the motherland.

Carlo: Do I look like Kunte Kente to you???

Jeremy: Yeah just darker

Cynthia: Good one Jer.

Carlo: I should just end it all.

Jeremy: Yes please do. Do you want me to go with you to buy the gun???

Carlo: Ha, ha.

Cynthia: Why do you care so much now anyway you never really cared before???

Carlo: Because I'm tired of people labeling me.

Cynthia: People will label you no matter what you are.

Carlo: But it hurts to be labeled an Oreo. It's like they're saying that I'm trying to be something that I'm not.

Cynthia: Well.... sorry I'd like to continue this walk through downtown No Where but unlike you I have a life. See ya.

Jeremy: Sorry ace but I gotta go too. Moms is making peanut butter and garlic liver cassarole tonight.

Carlo: And you're gonna eat that???

Jeremy: NO....I'm gonna use it for our upcoming psychology project. It's gonna be titled "Moms do they ever eat their own cooking?"

Carlo: Bye

(Enter Ben)

Carlo: Oh hey dad

Ben: Hey

Carlo: Dad I wanna be more black.

Ben: You can't get any darker than that son.

Carlo: No I mean I want to have that black mentality that everyone claims that I don't have.

Ben: Why do you care so much all of a sudden??? I mean you never cared before.

Carlo: I dunno I guess it's getting to me because it hurts to be labeled something that you feel doesn't belong to you.

Ben: A lot of people get labels they don't want. A lot of people have kids they don't want. I mean when your sister Rauna was born....

(Enter Rauna)

Carlo: Oh hi Rauna.

Rauna: Hey

(Exit Rauna)

Ben: What I'm trying to say is love yourself. No matter what people say, you'll always be a beautiful person on the inside. Even if you're all creamy and white.....Just playing. You're my son Carlo, and I'll always love you

Carlo: One question. Why did you guys give me a spanish name???

Ben: We really didn't want you to be black huh???

Carlo: (Laughing)

Scene 5

(Tina and Barbara at a shopping mall)

Tina: Girl ain't them shoes cute???

Barbara: Yeah so is Brad Pitt but you don't see me looking at him. Girl I can't buy anything I'm on a tight budget again.

Tina: Telling grown folks business to 5 year olds again???

Barbara: No, Ben lost his job

Tina: Oh, man it's tough out there right now

Barbara: Yeah I know.

Tina: But that's what credit cards are for girl. America is the plastic happy country. Everything is plastic. Plastic money, plastic boobs, plastic cars, and plastic hair. (grabbing Barbara's hair)

Barbara: Girl, why you do that???

Tina: Girl you know this ain't yours.

Barbara: It is mine, I paid for it.

Tina: You go girl.

Barbara: Shoooot.

Tina: Why don't you take a second job???

Barbara: I already have a full time job at the elementary school

Tina: You can come and work for me after you get off

Barbara: Please I'm not even trying to work at Tina's bootylicious botique.

Tina: Hey I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't offer.

Barbara: No you wouldn't, and please don't offer again.

Tina: Oh girl she is trifling

Barbara: Who is that girl? She looks like she just stepped off the ugly train on it's way back from Ethiopia.

Tina: Um hmm..

Barbara: Ohhhh Girl

(Rauna sneaks up behind them)

Rauna: Talking about people who have no way of defending themself again???

Barbara: Girl, you scared us

Tina: What are you up to Rauna???

Rauna: Just shopping

Barbara: Wish I could do the same

Rauna: That girl is ugly

Tina: Oh my goodness, that's Rhodesia's sister. I didn't know one of my employees had foreign relatives

Rauna: Let's just hope she's foreign

Scene 6

(Back at the Green's house)

Ben: Hey honey

Barbara: Hey Ben

Rauna: Mom, Dad guess what???

Barbara: What honey???

Rauna: I figured out the perfect way for us to make money.

Ben: Rauna, if the back of the Penny Saver has anything to do with it, forget it

Rauna: (disappointed look on face)

Ben: Don't worry Rauna, I'll find something.

Cynthia: Yeah, like one less mouth to feed.(Looks over at Rauna)

Barbara: Cynthia, must you be so rude??? That's my job anyway.

Cynthia: You need to stop being rude mom, Last time you were rude we ended up in a fight in the Super market.

Barbara: We won though right.

Cynthia: We sho' did girl.

Ben: My Family

(Enter Carlo)

Carlo: Hey mom.

Barbara: Hey. I'm hungry, we got any cookies.

Ben: Yeah.

Barbara: Here Rauna want an Oreo??? (offering Carlo) Here Oreo want a cookie???

Carlo: Naw Thanks.

Carlo: You know mom, Cynthia, I decided to not let you guys get to me anymore.

Barbara: What do you mean get to you??? You're so dark we barely even see you sometimes.

Cynthia: And don't put on no sunglasses girl.

Barbara: Oh, it's like the dark hole slide at raging waters.

Carlo: But seriously mom. Dad told me to seriously love myself. To forget about what people say and just be happy with who I am. And it'll help to love other people if I love myself. And I really feel good about it.

Ben: You go Carlo

Cynthia: What do you think mom???

Barbara: I think we should sit him down, handcuff him and make him watch U.P.N. on Monday nights.

Cynthia: Yeah

Barbara&Cynthia: *singing* (The Parkers we're doing our thing it's a new type of swing come join us)

Carlo: I love you guys, even if you AREN'T blood related

Cynthia: Admit it Carlo, you have us all up in you

(Phone rings)

Ben: Hello....uh huh....uh huh....that's great.

Ben: Guess what y'all??? Mr. Myerson said that they decided not to reorganize the department and I can have my job back.

Barbara: That's wonderful Ben

Cynthia: Yes, I can still go to my dance classes, this is great

Carlo: And I can still have my car

Rauna: And I can still...um...

Carlo: Be useless

Cynthia: Totally annoying.

Barbara: And a burden.

Ben. My Family.....

The End