A Honeymooners XMas Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners XMas Day:

(On XMas Day, the Kramdens and Nortons are in the Kramden apartment.)

Alice: "Ralph, I just can't believe that a celebrity helped pay for your gifts yesterday. But, I can't wait to see them. I am just like a kid on XMas."

Ed: "Me too Alice."

Trixie: "Let's open our gifts."

Ralph: "Okay."

(They all distribute the gifts to each other.)

Trixie: "Ed, that gift is from me to you."

Ed: "Thanks Trix."

(Ed opens it up.)

Ed: "Wow!"

Ralph: "Hey, it's a bowling bag ball. I mean a bowling ball bag that has Spongebob Squarepants' face on it."

(Ralph laughs.)

Ralph: "Alice, open your gift."

(Alice does.)

Alice: "Ralph, it is beautiful."

Ralph: "Yes, and it is practical too. You see, you squeeze the LEMON on Napolean's head and the juice squirts out of his ears. It is like that orange juice squeezer where you squeeze the orange on Napolean's head and the juice squirts out of his ears."

Ed: "Trixie, open your gift."

(Trixie does.)

Trixie: "Ooooh, a Mariah Carey Christmas CD. I love it."

Ralph: "Alice, opens yours."

(Alice does and it is the same gift.)

Alice: "Ralph, I love it. Opne your gift."

Ralph: "I will."

(Ralph opens his.)

Ralph: "Wow! Rabbit line gloves. Just what I need on the bus."

(They all hug and kiss.)

Ralph: "Merry Christmas."

(A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers it and it is Mariah Carey. Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: "Huminahumina! Huminahumina!"

Alice: "Mariah Carey."

Mariah: "I just came by to see if you need money for your XMas gifts. Hey, didn't I see you two at Macy's last night?"

Ed: "You certainly did Mariah. Me and the people where I work with love your Xmas song 'All I Want For XMas Is You.' Even the version with Justin Beiber from that very same Macy's store."

Mariah: "Thank you."

Ed: "It is a shame that every time we listen to it, the tide of water from the East River comes in."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

(Mariah has a weird look on her face when he says that.)

Alice: "Thank you very much Mrs. Carey. You are wonderful."

Mariah: "Thank you."

Ralph: "Come on guys. I say this all the time. Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up – red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas.' Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home – you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you're going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

All: "Merry Christmas!"

(They all hug.)

(The curtain starts to close. Jackie stops it.)

Jackie: "Ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally step out of character this way, but I want to change things up. Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “Of course, Mariah Carey.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "All right. Sammy Spear and everyone as you can see I am not like Ralph. I am not going to freeze while I am on stage. Hahaha! Sam, I see you with that look in your eye. Mariah is too young for you."

(Mariah and the crowd laughs.)

Mariah & the rest of the cast (singing): "I don't want a lot for Christmas/There is just one thing I need/I don't care about the presents/Underneath the Christmas tree/I just want you for my own/More than you could ever know/Make my wish come true/ All I want for Christmas is you / I don't want a lot for Christmas / There is just one thing I need/And I don't care about the presents/ Underneath the Christmas tree / I don't need to hang my stocking / There upon the fireplace/Santa Claus won't make me happy/With a toy on Christmas day/I just want you for my own/More than you could ever know/Make my wish come true/ All I want for Christmas is you / I won't ask for much this Christmas / I won't even wish for snow/And I, I just wanna keep on waiting/ Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it / To the North Pole for St. Nick / I won't even stay awake / To hear those magic reindeer click/Cause I just want you here tonight/Holding onto me so tight/What more can I do/ Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you / All the lights are shining / So brightly everywhere/And the sound of childrens'/Laughter fills the air/And everyone is singing/I hear those sleigh bells ringing/Santa won't you bring me/The one I really need/Won't you please bring my baby to me, quickly/I don't want a lot for Christmas/This is all I'm asking for/I just wanna see my baby/Standing right outside my door/I just want you for my own/More than you could ever know/Make my wish come true/Oh Baby, all I want for Christmas is you/All I want for Christmas is you, baby."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Mariah here will agree with me. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! HO! HO! HO!"

(Crowd cheers.)

(The credits roll but Mariah's song is played in the background instead of the usual theme song.)

Credit goes to metrolyrics.com.