One-Liners - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

MA · 10-03-2019, 07:11 AM

Jill: [about Bob Vila] Are you afraid that big bad Bob is going to make you look foolish?
Tim: Better men than him have made me look foolish.

MA · 10-04-2019, 05:44 AM

Jill: [to Tim, after finding the missing wrench in the dryer] Do you want this on regular cycle or fluff?

MA · 10-05-2019, 05:49 AM

Al: I'm just saying that if you send that chain letter, you'll have better luck.

MA · 10-08-2019, 04:59 AM

Jill (about Tim's kilt): Hey, you look great.
Tim: You wouldn't be just teasing a gal, would you?

MA · 10-09-2019, 05:37 AM

Jill: Why do they call it a monkey wrench?
Tim: They call it a monkey wrench because even a monkey can use it.

MA · 10-10-2019, 05:46 AM

Tim: Is there anything you DON'T know, Wilson?
Wilson: I don't know.

MA · 10-11-2019, 05:55 AM

Tim: You see, after thirteen years of marriage . . .
Jill: Fourteen!

MA · 10-12-2019, 10:03 AM

Jill: I thought you said it was a technical problem!
Tim: Technically, I was the problem.

MA · 10-13-2019, 08:31 AM

Jill: I'll be going upstairs now...
Tim: You want company?
Jill: No, just you.
Tim: [because the kids are asleep at the dinner table] Shouldn't we take the boys to bed?
Jill: Nah, leave them. It'll only take a minute, anyway...

MA · 10-14-2019, 12:21 PM

Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you.

Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me?

MA · 10-15-2019, 03:49 PM

Randy: Did you rebel against your father?

Tim: He died before I could be a real jerk.

Randy: He'd be proud if he could see you now.

MA · 10-16-2019, 08:16 AM

Tim: If I ever said it was hard living with you, just say one word, 'Al'.

Jill: It's that bad, huh?

MA · 10-17-2019, 02:06 PM

If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it.
— Tim Taylor

MA · 10-18-2019, 06:15 AM

[Jill is listening to opera music]

Tim Taylor:
Jill, I can't work with this noise!

Jill Taylor:
How can you call that noise?

Tim Taylor:
That's not noise, that's a proctology exam!

MA · 10-19-2019, 07:55 AM

Tim:
[imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I'll give you a leg of multiple compound fractions.

10-03-2019, 07:11 AM	#1
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	One-Liners Jill: [about Bob Vila] Are you afraid that big bad Bob is going to make you look foolish? Tim: Better men than him have made me look foolish.
	__________________ ~-Mikaela-~ Last edited by MA; 10-05-2019 at 05:47 AM.

10-04-2019, 05:44 AM	#2
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Jill: [to Tim, after finding the missing wrench in the dryer] Do you want this on regular cycle or fluff?

10-05-2019, 05:49 AM	#3
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Al: I'm just saying that if you send that chain letter, you'll have better luck.

10-08-2019, 04:59 AM	#4
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Jill (about Tim's kilt): Hey, you look great. Tim: You wouldn't be just teasing a gal, would you?

10-09-2019, 05:37 AM	#5
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Jill: Why do they call it a monkey wrench? Tim: They call it a monkey wrench because even a monkey can use it.

10-10-2019, 05:46 AM	#6
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Tim: Is there anything you DON'T know, Wilson? Wilson: I don't know.

10-11-2019, 05:55 AM	#7
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Tim: You see, after thirteen years of marriage . . . Jill: Fourteen!

10-12-2019, 10:03 AM	#8
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Jill: I thought you said it was a technical problem! Tim: Technically, I was the problem.

10-13-2019, 08:31 AM	#9
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Jill: I'll be going upstairs now... Tim: You want company? Jill: No, just you. Tim: [because the kids are asleep at the dinner table] Shouldn't we take the boys to bed? Jill: Nah, leave them. It'll only take a minute, anyway...

10-14-2019, 12:21 PM	#10
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you. Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me?

10-15-2019, 03:49 PM	#11
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Randy: Did you rebel against your father? Tim: He died before I could be a real jerk. Randy: He'd be proud if he could see you now.

10-16-2019, 08:16 AM	#12
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Tim: If I ever said it was hard living with you, just say one word, 'Al'. Jill: It's that bad, huh?

10-17-2019, 02:06 PM	#13
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it. — Tim Taylor

10-18-2019, 06:15 AM	#14
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	[Jill is listening to opera music] Tim Taylor: Jill, I can't work with this noise! Jill Taylor: How can you call that noise? Tim Taylor: That's not noise, that's a proctology exam!

10-19-2019, 07:55 AM	#15
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,534	Tim: [imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I'll give you a leg of multiple compound fractions.