Sitcom Family Feud...The Drew Carey Show

[MrCleveland]

Announcer: It's Time Once Again for Sitcom Family Feud! And here's your host...The Ghost of Richard Dawson!

Richard Dawson enters.

Richard: Welcome once again to Sitcom Family Feud! Now let's bring-back...The Warners!

The Warners enter.

Richard: So Tony...how's retirement?

Tony: In some ways...freakin' awesome! But not for Helen....

Richard: Up next...Helen.

Helen: Well...it's hard...but Dustin helps me a lot.

Richard: I'm glad that he does.

Helen: Sometimes John and Paul helps sometimes.

Richard: Next, we have Paul...anything new?

Paul: I lost my radio podcast job because of Dustin...

Richard: Still moping, so let's go and see Dustin...

Dustin: Yeah...but I'm gonna have a better podcast show next week! Tune-in!

Richard: Let's not and say we did...next up we have Margaret.

Margaret: I wanna show you something...

Richard: Can we do that on TV?

Margaret brings-out a wooden plaque of OSU.

Margaret: This is an OSU Buckeyes plaque made by my husband Craig Liszt.

Tony: I still think he's a dumb-ass!

Richard: Tony...please! Finally, we have John Warner.

John: I'm gonna try to run for President! I'm under the Libertarian Ticket.

Richard: Okay...we don't need to be political, so...let's bring us The cast of The Drew Carey Show!

The cast ofThe Drew Carey Showappear.

Richard: So Drew Carey...how's life at Winfred-Louder?

Drew: It's okay...I even have a few people who work there too.

Richard: Next, we have Nigel Wick.

Nigel: Well...I have some good stories out there...I lost a toe and nipple during a foxhunt with Roger Waters, Eric Clapton, Steve Winwood, Brian Ferry, and Gary Booker...

Paul: (Off-Camera) It's Brooker!

Nigel:...anyhow...a fox took-out my toe and nipple. I fainted big time!

Richard: Sounds as interesting as Paul's stories!

Paul: (Off-Camera) Hey!

Richard: I was never into fox-hunting...next up is Mimi Bobeck!

Mimi: Kiss Me, Ricky!

Richard: Let's not and say we did...so...you're Drew's brother-in-law.

Mimi: Yeah...I'm related to the pig right now!

Drew: Yeah? Well, Richard won't even let you kiss him.

Mimi: Bite Me, Pig!

Richard: There'll be no biting in this game...next we have Kate O'Brien.

Richard hugs Kate

Mimi: Ricky...why'd you hug her and not me?

Richard: Because I don't look like a clown!

Mimi: Bite Me, Dick!

Richard: I already chew-out Tony for calling me that...so...Kate, you've been friends with Drew since High School.

Kate: Yes...and I also know how to box.

Richard: That's good...next we have Lewis Kiniski.

Lewis: Well...I work at DrugCo, I have a high I.Q., and I'm really creepy!

Richard: I also heard you got sick once.

Lewis: Oh...that felt awful...I even walked naked for an entire day.

Richard: And you didn't get arrested?

Lewis: No one wants to arrest you when you're naked.

Richard: Thanks for sharing...finally, we have Oswald Lee Harvey.

Oswald: wait a minute...what am I doing here?

Richard: You're gonna play The Feud.

Oswald: Because I deliver packages at Global Parcel, I live with Lewis at The Warsaw Tavern, and I almost married Kate.

Richard: Is that all?

Oswald: Yes....

Richard: Then...let's start the feud!

Richard goes to his podium and both Drew and Tony are at the opposite sides.

Richard: Okay, we surveyed 100 people for the questions I will ask...Name Something that represents Parma.

Tony Buzzes-in.

Tony: *****s!

Richard: I don't think that's what we're looking for.

Dustin: (Off-Camera) It's a type of Jamaican Dance or a song by Fatboy Slim.

Tony: What he said...

Richard: You gonna keep that? Okay...is that Fatboy Slim song up there, but instead of Rockefeller...It's Parma?

BUZZ

Tony: WHAT? That Was A Freakin' Good Answer!

Richard: But not for the survey people. Drew...Name Something that represents Parma.

Drew: Flamingos, of course!

Richard: Do we have "Flamingos"?

32 People say "Flamingos", It's the #1 Answer.

Richard: So Drew...will you play or pass?

Drew: We're playing!

Tony: And I just passed...ooh now that's ******!

Richard: Why must he pass gas on my show? Okay, Nigel...Name Something that Represents Parma...

Nigel: Richard...I hear it's a big suburb.

Richard: Okay...is Parma big?

2 People said "Big Suburb".

Richard: Okay...Mimi, Name Something that represents Parma.

Mimi: Well...I see this a lot...a lot of white socks.

Richard: Show Me...your white socks!

28 People said "white socks", It's the #2 Answer.

Richard: Kate...Name Something that represents Parma.

Kate: Though not around anymore...Parma Pierogis.

Richard: What is a Pierogi?

Kate: It's a dumpling filled with potatoes and you add onions and sour cream to it...My God, they're good.

Richard: If I ever go to Parma...will there be...Pierogis?

12 People said Perogis.

Richard: Good answer...Lewis...Name Something that Represents Parma.

Lewis: I'm probably Polish, so...Polish People?

Richard: Polish People...do they eat Perogis?

Lewis: Damn Straight!

Richard: Okay...let's see if Polish People are there?

10 people said "Ethnic Groups" .

Richard: Okay...Poland counts. Okay Oswald...there's two more answers up on the board...Name Something that represents Parma.

Oswald: Hmm...I'm gonna say...

Richard: Hurry Up...

Oswald: Parmatown Mall! I got lost there once! As a matter of fact...more than once.

Richard: Okay...tell me is Parmatown Mall up there?

BUZZ

Richard: Okay...The Warners can now steal...

The Warners are debating to say "corrupted politics" or "the polka". Paul then bangs his gavel.

Paul: Can You Just Listen To Me For Once? I think we should go with "Polkas". People in Parma love to polka.

Tony: I think we'll go with...the crooked politicians in Parma, especially the police force there!

Helen: Tony...Tony...Calm-Down, maybe after the game you can have a drink or two with Drew and his friends.

Richard: Do you have a problem with Parma?

Helen: He gets most of his speeding tickets from Parma.

Richard: Okay...so is corruption a thing in Parma?

1 person said "Corrupted Politicians".

Richard: Hmm...I think he knows Parma as well...then what's the last answer?

15 People said "Polkas", it's the #3 Answer.

Richard: Well...I guess we have to say goodbye...

Drew: Well...me, my friends, and The Warners are going to have a few drinks after the show...plus...Dustin's out of probation!

Richard: Well...they're gonna play fast-money real soon...okay, who's gonna play for fast-money?

Everyone but Paul: Paul Is! Paul Is! Paul Is!

Paul goes up to Richard.

Paul: It always seems that their **** is more important than my ****!

Richard: But look...you're gonna win $10,000...and you could run a good bill for tonight. Let's have 15 seconds for the clock...and once I say the question...the clock will start.

:15 is seen.

Richard: Name a type of burger.

Paul: Pizza Burger.

BUZZ

Richard: Name a Comic Series.

Paul: FoxTrot

BUZZ

Richard: Name a Hooved Animal.

Paul: Tapir.

BUZZ

Name a subject in Math.

Paul: Number Theory.

BUZZ

Richard: Name a show on MTV.

Paul: The Story of the Brothers Grunt.

BUZZ

Richard: Again...no points...no money...so you have to buy the rounds.

Paul: But I have no money!

Dustin: I'll pay...plus...I'm out of probation!

Richard: Well...don't go TOO hog-wild...

Helen: If anything, I'll drive them home...I don't drink anyhow.

Richard: That's another round of Sitcom Family Feud in the books...goodnight!

[MA]

I like this. Good idea for a story!