A Honeymooners Mother's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens & Nortons are at the beach at Coney Island. Ralph looks upset.)

Alice: "Ralph, you promised that you would be nice to my mom. It is Mother's Day."

Ralph: "I told you Alice. I will be nice to that ugly Mongoose."

Alice: "Ralph, do NOT call her that."

Ralph: "Okay. I will call her a blabbermouth."

Alice: "Don't call her that."

Ed: "So you won't call her a mongoose even if she calls you an elephant?"

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

Trixie: "Ralph, remember that Alice's Mom is a sweet lady."

Ralph: "Trixie, I don't know if can stand being with that WOMAN for a day."

Ed: "I don't know either Ralph. Remember the time she spoiled the end of the Captain Marvel movie?"

Ralph: "Oh do I ever."

Alice: "Ralph, do not snap at her today."

(Alice sees her parents.)

Alice: "Mom. Happy Mother's Day. Hello Dad!"

Alice's Mom: "Thank you Alice. I see that you have a beached whale with you."

Ed: "Beached whale. Hahahahaha."

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!"

Alice's Mom: "Hello Ralph. Do you mind if I sit by you? I want to sit in the shade."

Ed: "Hahahahaha."

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"

Alice: "Come on you two. Be nice. It's Mother's Day."

(Ralph's parents come down surprising everybody.)

Ralph: "Mom. Dad. We didn't expect you here."

Ralph's Mom: "What's the matter Sonny? I sent you a text...Oh, that's right. You don't have a smartphone. I must have sent it to another Ralph Kramden."

Alice's Mom: "There is two of them? I hope that the other one is not fat."

Ralph: "This is going to be a great Mother's Day after all."

Trixie: "We are all still blessed to have mothers."

Ralph: "They need to be recogonized. I don't know how my mother kept her sanity with me around. Speaking of which a mother-in-law is the most criticized, the most misunderstood and the most defenseless of all women. The average women must be clever enough to know when to speak, but a mother-in-law must know when to keep silent. She must be very wise, wise enough sometimes to withhold advice, although she knows the answer to the problem. A mother-in-law must sit on the fence between her own child and the child by marriage. Somehow she must keep her balance. She must lean backwards until her spine aches or else she's accused of being partial and she isn't permitted the luxury of hurt feelings or tears. If a person could put themselves in their mother-in-laws place, weigh her in the balance, being completely fair; they'd nominate her for the Presidency of the United States, and she'd be the first women to make it."

Alice's Mom: "I agree. Great speech Ralph."

Ralph: "Happy Mother's Day to all."

All (yell): "YEAH!"

Ralph: "Let's all get some food. Haha!"

(They do.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the best."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Let's introduce the cast. First, Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: “The lady who played Alice's Mother, Ethel Owen!”

(Crowd cheers as Ethel comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: "The lady who played Ralph's mother, Eileen Heckert."

(Crowd cheers as Eileen comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: "And Art Carney."

(Crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: "Good night everyone."

(Crowd cheers.)