A Honeymooners Easter:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed arrive at the doorstep of their building.)

Ralph: "Hi Norton."

Ed: "Hello Ralph."

Ralph: "I see we got boxes here. Do you know what is in this box? It is an Easter bunny costume. Brooklyn is having an Easter bunny race and I know that I will win the prize which is $20,000."

Ed: "Oh, that's great buddy boy. Pal 'O Mine."

Ralph: "Alice will be very proud when I win. All the other people in the contest are fatter than me."

Ed: "I didn't think it was possible to be fatter than you."

Ralph: "Oooooooh, you are a riot Norton. A real riot."

Ed: "I heard that the Easter race is on Easter Sunday."

Ralph: "Yeah, what an Easter we will have. I got to get going. I have to have dinner with Alice and her blabbermouth of a mother. See ya."

(Ralph leaves.)

(On Easter Sunday, Ralph shows up for the race in his Easter bunny costume with Alice.)

Alice: "Ralph, I told you to put on some underwear in that costume."

Ralph: "Alice, I am not going to do that. I will get sweaty if I do. The chances of me having a wardrobe malfunction in this is slim. That cash prize is as good as ours now."

(Alice's parents arrive. Ralph glowers at them.)

Alice's Mom: "Hi Alice. Happy Easter. Hello Sunny boy. I would want to see you win money for my Alice and not so you can spend it on food like you always do."

(Ralph visably gets angrier.)

Ralph: "I will win. There is no one in this race that is skinnier than me."

(Ed comes by in his bunny costume. Ralph is more furious.)

Ed: "Whaddya say Ralph-ie boy? This is my costume that I had in the box. Too bad Trixie couldn't make it. She is at her parents home that is far away. She has to take care of them while they are sick."

Ralph (yells): "WHY DID YOU STEAL MY IDEA?"

Ed (yells): "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU HAD THAT IDEA SO HOW DID I STEAL IT?"

Ralph (yells): "JUST REMEMBER NORTON. FROM HERE ON IN, WE ARE DEADLY ENEMIES. IF YOU SEE ME GOING DOWN THE STREET, GET ON THE OTHER SIDE."

Ed (yells): "WHEN YOU WALK DOWN A STREET, THERE AIN'T NO OTHER SIDE."

(Alice's mother and Alice laugh.)

Alice: "All right boys. Keep it down. Make a truce."

Ralph: "I ain't doing that. See you at the race Norton."

(They all get the starting point and when the ref fires the gun, they hop down. Ed is in the lead much to Ralph's chagrin. Alice & her parents watch.)

Alice: "Ralph is now hoping in that pile of mud."

Ralph (yells): "DUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Alice: "Now he just fell into the mud. He's the only one. A lot of people are laughing at him."

Alice's Mom: "He is now in last place and Ed Norton just won."

(Moments later, Ralph is now all covered in mud. Ed comes by.)
Ed (putting his hand out for a handshake): "Great race Ralph. You put on a show there in the mud."

Ralph (yells): "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ME."

Ed (yells): "I DIDN'T TOUCH YOU RALPH DURING THE RACE."

Ralph (yells): "THIS COSTUME COST ME $50 TO RENT. NOW, I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK." (bending down, yells): "LOOK AT MY FEET."

(Cousin Leo comes by.)

Leo: "Happy Easter everyone. Am I too late for the race?"

(The backside of Ralph's costume rips and he is now supposedly butt naked from the back.)

Ed: "You may be too late for the race but not too late to see Ralph make a fool of himself and be the BUTT of jokes. Hahahaha!"

(Ralph throws punches at Ed who ducks. Alice, Leo and Alice's parents try to stop the fight.)

(Jackie walks on stage. He is still in his mud stained Easter bunny costume.)

Jackie: "Thank you. I am really not naked underneath this for obvious reasons."

(Crowd laughs.)

Jackie: "Folks, Audrey Meadows."

(Crowd cheers as Audrey comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)

Jackie: "And Art Carney."

(Crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach Easters are the BEST! HAPPY EASTER! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)