A Honeymooners XMas:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners XMas Day:

(To catch you up to speed, Ralph & Ed are in a Raccoon Christmas Concert in which at 11:59p, Ralph has to say: 'Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.' Ralph falters because the concert is being shown nationwide on CBS and streaming on the Raccoon Lodge's website.)

Ralph (yells): "WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

(Ralph faints.)

Ed (yells): "HE'S OKAY. I THINK WE NEED A CRANE TO PICK HIM UP."

(Ralph comes to. The Kramdens, Nortons, Alice's parents and the Head Raccoon are in the dressing room. They are all upset.)

Ralph: "Oh my gosh!"

Alice: "Ralph, how could you do such a thing?"

Head Raccoon: "You embarrassed yourself Ralph. It's a good thing I am not going to kick you out."

Alice's Mom: "Good thing that this will go on YouTube. I just uploaded it. What hilarious viewing."

(Uncle Leo comes by.)

Uncle Leo: "I came by just before Ralph got on the mic. I hope I am not too late for the eats."

Alice's Mom: "You maybe too late for the eats but not too late to see my big fat son-in-law make a fool of himself."

Ralph: "Come on guys. I say this all the time.
Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up – red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas.' Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home – you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you're going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

All: "Merry Christmas!"

(They all hug.)

Ralph: "Let's exchange gifts when we get home huh?"

All: "Yeah."

(The curtain starts to close. Jackie stops it.)

Jackie: "Ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally step out of character this way, but I want to change things up. Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “Ethel Owen!”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Also, Howard St. John. The guy who plays Alice’s Dad.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "All right. Sammy Spear and everyone as you can see I am not like Ralph. I am not going to freeze while I am on stage. Hahaha! Let's all sing! Sammy, I hope you are sober."

(Crowd laughs.)

Jackie: "Let's all sing: 'Hark! The Herald Angles Sing'"

All (singing): "
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King!
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled."
Joyful, all ye nations, rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With th' angelic host proclaim,
"Christ is born in Bethlehem."
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King!
Christ, by highest heaven adored:
Christ, the everlasting Lord;
Late in time behold him come,
Offspring of the favoured one.
Veiled in flesh, the Godhead see;
Hail, th'incarnate Deity:
Pleased, as man, with men to dwell,
Jesus, our Emmanuel!
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King!
Hail! the heaven-born
Prince of peace!
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings,
Risen with healing in his wings
Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die:
Born to raise the son of earth,
Born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King !"
(Everyone cheers.)

Jackie (yells): "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! THE MIAMI BEACH AUDIENCES ARE THE GREATEST AUDIENCES IN THE WORLD. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!"

(The crowd erupts with cheers.)