A Honeymooners Thanksgiving:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed arrive at the Raccoon Lodge for Thanksgiving dinner. The girls are right behind them.)

Alice: "Ralph, you better not embarrass yourself tonight at this Raccoon Thanksgiving feast."

Ralph: "Are you saying that the Raccoons drink?"

Alice: "Oh no. I suppose that you were sober the night that you arrived home, flung the window open and yelled: 'Hey Mrs. Gallagher, what is your cat doing in our apartment?' Only thing was that it wasn't her cat. You had your Raccoon cap on backwards."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph: "Oh all right. But, I just know that this is one Thanksgiving that I don't have to spend at your mothers."

Alice: "Okay."

Ed: "This will be a great Thanksgiving boy. What a day. We saw the Macys Thanksgiving Parade right on the Internet while both of us were in the sewer while the parade was above us. I am surprised that you Ralph fit through the manhole. Too bad that the tide came in."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Well, it's a good thing that I offered to be the one cooking the turkey today."

Ed: "Hope that you don't eat it."

Ralph: "Ooooh, you are a riot Norton."

(Later on, it's 8pm. Ralph comes out with the turkey in front of a lot of impatient and hungry people.)

Ralph: "Alice, it's not my fault that I burned the first turkey tonight and we had to go out and get a second one on short notice."

Alice: "It wasn't? Boy, that's a laugh. Time to serve it."

Freddie Muller: "Finally, Ralph we are starved after the blunder that you made."

Ralph: "All right. All right."

Head Raccoon: "Gentlemen, before we give thanks, let's all do the Raccoon salute."

(They all get up.)

All (grabbing the tails on their cap, yell): "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(They all sit down.)

(After the rest of the Raccoons give thanks, it's Ralph's turn.)

Ralph: "Once again, I am thankful to be married to a beautiful wife in Alice here. I am thankful for a friend in Brother Norton and his wife Trixie. I am also thankful for a potential future vacation to Miami Beach."

All: "Awwwww."

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ed gets up and blows his nose because he is sad. After giving some disgusting coughs, he starts talking.)

Ed: "What he said kind of gets you right in here in the heart. I am thankful for having a REAL BIG friend in Ralph."

(Everyone laughs. Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ed: "As well as having a wife in Trixie who was in burlesque."

All: "Awwwww."

(Alice gets up.)

Alice: "I am very thankful for having a wonderful husband in Ralph and as well as being here with all of you."

All: "Awwwww."

(Trixie gets up.)

Trixie: "I am thankful for being here with all of you and for having a wonderful husband in Ed."

All: "Awwwww."

Ralph: "What a great holiday."

(They all sing a song about Thanksgiving and being thankful.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach Thanksgivings are the BEST! HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)