Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "People's Choice" & "Two For The Money.":

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "People's Choice" & "Two For The Money.":

Episode #192 (Syndicated episode #21)
TV: One hour (edited.)
DVD: Attached to “Hair To A Fortune” and “Be It Ever So Humble.”
Color & Lost Episode Title: "People's Choice."
Air Date: 9/23/67

"People's Choice":

In the Nick Clooney intro for this episode on Youtoo America, Nick says that Ralph Kramden is the most enduring role that Jackie ever played and then says all the other regular characters that he ever played but he gets stumped. Nick: "Then there's Fenwick...something Fenwick. Anyway, a question unanswered." I know the answer: Fenwick Babbit.

The June Taylor Dancers come out and sing and dance to a song about the police station I believe. After that, they leave. Ralph & Ed leave the Brooklyn Police Station. Ralph has just captured "Knuckles" Grogan. In reality, “Knuckles” Grogan was a person that Gleason knew and he worked with him. A bunch of reporters and other people are surrounding Ralph and Ed. A reporter asks how Ralph spotted Grogan. Ralph: "I was having my lunch and a guy came towards me. He looked familiar." Ed: "That was me. I was meeting him for lunch." Ralph: "I was having a pastrami sandwich that was wrapped in a newspaper." Ed: "It was mine. We traded sandwiches." Ralph: "I looked at the newspaper and saw a guy that looked familiar. He had a mustache Then, I realized that it was a piece of pastrami that was stuck to his upper lip. I brushed that away. Then, I realized it was Grogan and the person coming toward me was Grogan. So I hollered for a cop." The reporter asks Ralph about the threat that Grogan that he made. He said he was going to take care of the guy who put the finger on him. Ralph is scared. The reporter says that they are going to put "Knuckles" away for keeps. Ralph is relieved. Ralph: "He is never going to scare me." The reporter asks Ed for a statement for Ralph. Ed: "I'm very happy to be here today because this means I won't have to work for the rest of the day down in the sewer." Ed's statement also includes weather as a reason why he can't work for the rest of the day. Ralph's isn't amused. A photographer asks Ralph to take a picture of him, the commissioner and the chief. Gunshots are heard. "Knuckles" has escaped. Ralph is so scared. Ed tries to help Ralph. He gets Ralph home.

Ralph is asking Alice where she put the key to the front door. Alice has misplaced it. Alice says that the police are watching this building and Ralph is protected. Ralph isn't confident with the police watching him. He doesn't trust them. So, Ralph tries to barricade the door with furniture much in the same way he did in "The Prowler." Ed opens the front door with no problem (since the door opens from the inside). Ralph is upset that his plan isn't going to work, according to him. Ed tries to help Ralph by saying that he won't be killed. Ralph asks if Ed saw anybody suspicious. Ed says that he has and that person has been looking at the Kramdens kitchen window for three hours. It's Murphy The Undertaker. Ralph says that he can't lock the door because there is no latch, so he is a sitting duck. Ralph looks outside the window as Ed blows air into his paper bag and pops it. Ralph thinks that he has been shot and screams in pain. When he realizes what Ed did, he gets mad at Ed. Alice wonders what was that noise. Ralph: "Baby head (Ed) had to break a paper bag." Ed says that he has a disguise for Ralph. Ralph has a choice: A nanny goat or a pussycat. Ed recommends a nanny goat and he goes upstairs to get it. Ralph blames Alice for this. A knock is heard. It's the policemen. They hatch a plan. Alice goes in the hallway. Ralph will wait in the kitchen and the policemen will hide in the bedroom and they will catch "Knuckles" when Ralph says: "Knuckles, it's you.” They say if they try to catch "Knuckles" outside, an innocent bystander might get hurt. Ralph waits in the kitchen and the policemen and Alice wait in the bedroom. When "Knuckles" arrives, Ralph gets tongue-tied. Ed comes in and yells: "KNUCKLES, IT'S YOU." The policemen nab "Knuckles." and leave. Ralph is so shocked that he keeps on saying "Kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna!" The reporters come by to question Ralph and Ed. Ed tries to answer, but Ralph says that he captured him. Typical Ralph. Ralph & Ed sing a false story about Ralph capturing "Knuckles." Ed's lyrics include: "Where was I?/Where was I?" I think the song is called: "I Wouldn't Miss This For The World."

The next week, Ralph is working on his scrapbook. He's been patting himself on the back. Alice comes in with every newspaper that she could find that has Ralph's picture on the front page. Alice says that Ralph should come back down to earth. The neighbors now say that he's swellheaded. Ralph says that the neighbors are jealous because they didn't capture a killer or get some other good things like being in the audience on the Ed Sullivan Show. Ralph: "I'm a hero. A hero. Do you know what that is?" Alice: "Yeah, it's a fat sandwich." Ha! Ralph: "Just for that Alice, when I buy a wallet, I am not buying you Howard Duff's picture." I wonder if Howard Duff is related to Hilary Duff. Ralph is going to show Ed the pictures. Ralph leaves. Mr. Miller and Mr. Weaver come in. They ask for Ralph. Alice gets Ralph. The men unveil their devious plan. They want to make Ralph their next candidate for the state assembly. The reason? The only thing you need to win is votes. Ralph is going to be a natural according to one of them. Mr. Miller says he read some of Ralph's interviews and says that he doesn't sound to smart. Mr. Weaver: "That is what we want. A stupid hero. Once he gets in, then we can control him." Ralph comes down and greets the two men. They heard that since Ralph captured "Knuckles", he has shown to be a fearless citizen. Oh boy! He is just the person that they need for their party. They want Ralph to run for assembly. Ralph doesn't know what to think. Mr. Weaver: "After Assembly, who knows? You may become Senator, Governor, maybe even President." Mr. Weaver says that just because Ralph is a bus driver, that shouldn't ruin his chances of becoming an Assemblyman. If Ralph is elected, they will help him out. Ralph says that he will run. They leave. Ed comes in and Ralph tells him what Mr. Miller and Mr. Weaver said to him about being an Assemblyman. Ed: "Maybe if you liked peanut butter and jelly and I liked pastrami, maybe I could have become President." Alice comes in. Ed (to Alice): "There lies the next President of the U.S." Ha! Ralph is upset that Ed told Alice the good news. Ed leaves. Ralph tries to explain to Alice so she won't think that he's nuts. Alice says that she doesn't think that Ralph is nuts about thinking about running for president. Ralph says that this president stuff is way in the future and now he's running for assemblyman. Ralph mentions to Alice what Mr. Miller and Mr. Weaver came in and what they told Ralph. Alice says: "If you become elected, what do you know about running for Assembly?" Ralph says that the two will help him. Alice is even more against him running. Alice then says that if Ralph gets elected, Ralph will be controlled by them and will become a stooge. Alice: "You will be an even bigger crook than they are." Ralph disagrees. Ralph & Alice sing: "The Country Needs A Man Like Me."

The whole gang comes marching down the street. Alice has the cymbals, Trixie is carrying a sign praising Ralph and Ed is playing the big drum that he is wearing. You know if I was Ralph in this situation, I think I would be SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED. Ralph is wearing a cowboy hat and boots while Ed is dressed like George Washington. Ralph says that he is dressed to look like the Governor of California. I wonder what Arnold Schwarzenegger would think if he saw Ralph Kramden dressed like that. Ralph may have been making a reference to Ronald Reagan when he said that line. Alice thinks that this is a bad idea. Ralph says that Ed is dressed like George Washington. Ed: "I thought I was dressed like Aaron Burke." Ralph practices his campaign song with Ed beating the drum. Ralph's song: "Harvey Porter Is A Bum-bum-bum!" The whole song basically insults Harvey. What a way to NOT get votes. After they are done, Ralph orders Alice to go to the movie theater and Trixie to go to the bowling alley and instruct the people to come meet Ralph. They leave. Ralph sets up a crate so Ralph can stand on. Ed beats the drums. Ralph tries to greet himself to another man who was walking by, but due to Ed beating the drums, the man can't hear Ralph and leaves. Ralph is upset. He instructs Ed to beat the drum to collect the crowd so he can greet himself. A couple of newlyweds walk by as Ralph is trying to sell himself. They don't pay attention. Ralph (to the man): "She won't be such a riot after you marry her." Gee, that's so not earning him brownie points. Ralph doesn't know what to do. Ed says that all they have to do is remember Ralph's initials. Ralph says that his middle name is "Francis." Which means that his initials are R.F.K. Ed suggests that Ralph make a slogan. Ralph already has one: "Vote For The Man That Captured 'Knuckles' Grogan." An old lady comes by; she doesn't pay attention to Ralph. Ralph (to the lady): "Keep the Faith baby!" Ralph is upset. Alice comes back and is freezing. Ralph is upset at Alice. Ed goes down to the theater He leaves. Alice wants to go home. Mr. Miller and Mr. Weaver come by just as Ralph reluctantly bangs Alice's cymbals. They call Ralph and idiot for doing what he's doing and they order him to read the speech they have made for him to read at the high school rally. They leave Ralph says that he is running. Alice sings: "The Country Does Not Need A Man Like You."

There is an edit during this scene. I think it happened when Mr. Miller & Mr. Weaver talked to Ralph. Here is a description from the now defunct honeymooners.net's Message Board: "There is what appears to be a brief edit in the scene. I suspect that there was probably a Robert F. Kennedy joke here which, given the tragic way in which RFK died, was cut from the program (either in its syndication run or by the folks at GoodLife/AmericanLife)." It was later revealed that it was edited when it was repeated in 1968.

At the rally, a moving platform has Mr. Miller, Mr. Weaver, the Kramdens & Nortons and a bunch of other people on it. Mr. Miller introduces Ralph. Alice is also introduced. Ed Norton is also introduced as well as his wife. As Ralph is reading the speech that is a pack of lies, Alice leaves. Ralph regains his senses and yells at Mr. Miller and Mr. Weaver to get off the stage. He denounces both of them as friends and reveals the truth about them. He praises Harvey and says that everyone should vote for him and Election time is a good time in America. Alice: "Now you are a hero." Ralph hugs and kisses Alice.

At the curtain call, Jackie has his cup of coffee in his hand. Jackie introduces 200 of the U.S. Servicemen sitting in the front row. Jackie introduces the whole cast and when he introduces Jean Kean, she makes him spill a little bit of his coffee. Jackie says goodnight to everyone.

I find it funny that this episode aired a month or so before Election Day '67 considerating new episodes followed during the month of Oct.

Episode #193 (Syndicated episode #22)
TV: Hour-long musical (edited.)
DVD: Attached to "Be It Ever So Humble", "The People's Choice" & "Hair To A Fortune."
Color Episode title: "Two For The Money."
Lost Episode Title: "Two Men On A Horse."
Air Date: 10/7/67

"Two For The Money":

The episode opens up with the June Taylor Dancers singing and dancing to a song about a bar I believe. After that, the owner of Dennehy's Bar escorts them out. Ralph & Ed enter the bar with a lot of fanfare. They are singing and act look like they had one too many beers. Ralph orders a beer for him and Ed. The owner says its 3am. They try to sing: "3 O' Clock In The Morning," but the owner cuts them off by saying one more beer and that is it. Ed puts some money in the jukebox and they dance about. The owner is not pleased. So he unplugs the jukebox. Owner: "Do you want me to lose my license?" Ed: "Don't worry. We will drive you home." Ralph & Ed sit down. They sing: "Were poor little Raccoons." As they are singing, the wives come in all upset. Ralph sees Alice and stops singing. Alice: "All right Sonny and Cher." Ed: "So this is what you girls do when we are at a lodge meeting. You hang around bars." The wives were worried. Trixie: "Don't you ever think about us?" Ed: "All the time. Why do you think we always go from bar to bar?" Ralph says that he has a reason to celebrate. Ralph: "What is the most important thing that can ever happen to me?" Alice: "You were elected treasurer of that silly lodge of yours." Ralph is upset. Ralph: "Since I have now become a Treasurer, I can now hang two tails on my cap. Maybe this is only the beginning. Maybe someday, I can become a thirteen-tail man. Do you know what that means?" Alice: "It must be pretty important Ralph. A monkey only has one." Ralph is upset because Alice insulted the lodge. She apologizes and congratulates him. Ed was named Sergeant of Arms. He gives them the duties of that position and they are so bad. Trixie: "Who would want to win something like that?" Ed: "I didn't want to win." I think he also says that Ralph talked him into getting that position. Ed says that Ralph has $200 in his pocket. Alice is concerned that Ralph has been walking around with $200 in his pocket with all the holdups there have been. In six of them, Ralph was on the bus when the hold up took place. Only one of those times where the holdup took place on Ralph's bus, they took $45 and took the bus. Ralph: "I have been working at the bus company for 17 years and because I lose one bus and you won't forget it." Ralph notices that the money is gone. Oh boy! Ralph says he remembers the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler putting the money in Ralph's hand then Ralph remembers putting the money in his left hand to give him the Raccoon salute. Then after that, he put the money back into his right hand to give the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler the Raccoon handshake. He demonstrates it and the Raccoon handshake that is used is totally different then the time that Ralph & Ed did the handshake in "Something Fishy." (In that episode, I think they touched each other's elbows and wagged their Raccoon tails together.) Then, he remembers putting the money into his pocket and now it's gone. Ed says that since he's now Sergeant of Arms, he now must put Ralph under citizen's arrest for exposing their handshake in front of outsiders. Ha! Ralph says that he has to put that money into the bank tomorrow and give a Treasury's report two days from now. Alice says to tell them the truth. Ralph says that Alice is crazy and that in the 47 years of the Raccoons existence, no one has lost money. In the lost episode version, Ralph also says that the Raccoons have been in existence for 47 years. Ralph thinks that maybe someone will take the money and bring it to a police station and that way he will get it back. Ed asks Ralph is he found any money, would he return it to a police station. Ralph gives the impression that he won't. Ralph: "I'm dead." They all sing: "It All Comes Down To One Little Lie."

Ralph & Ed have lunch in Jerry's lunchroom, which is barley occupied. Ralph says that he will have to raise that $200 somehow. He already got $6 from hocking Alice's engagement ring. Ed says Ralph is welcome to all the money he has in his checking account which is nine cents. Ha! Ed suggests getting money from someone in Alice's family. Ralph says that no one but Alice in her family likes him. Ed then suggests Ralph to get money from his own family. Ralph says that even his whole family hates him too because they are jealous of how good he's doing. Wow! That doesn't say a lot. Ralph calls Harry Jordan. When he introduces him as the person who introduced him to Harry's current wife, he hangs up. Ralph still has no money. Ed suggests that Ralph write down a list of people who he can get money from and write down how much they can give to him. Ralph starts making a list. As Ralph is doing this, Ed spots a guy using an old-fashioned pinball machine (these were the ones that unfortunately don't have the buttons where you can spring the ball back into the game if you know what I mean). Ed says that Ralph can double the $6 that Ralph got for hocking Alice's wedding ring and make it $12. Ed says that Ralph is the greatest pinball player in New York and is surprised he hasn't made it his professional occupation. Something about that last sentence does not seem right to me. Ed says that after the guy loses, he will get sore and continue to make bets with Ralph and sooner or later, Ralph will get his $200. Ralph thinks that that is a great idea. Ralph makes a bet with the guy that whoever gets the highest score with three balls, wins $6. Ralph plays the first ball and as the ball is going up and down in the machine, Ralph does some funny dance movements. After 3 balls, Ed is sure that Ralph's score will go in the Pinball Hall of Fame. Sure it will. The other guy plays and scores a bigger score than Ralph did on his three balls combined on his first ball. Horns are blaring from inside the pinball machine, a smoke cloud emanates from the machine and American flags pop up as the machine plays some American music. Wow! The guy says should he shoot another one. They say no and the guy wins $8 and some points. Question: Why didn't Ralph and Ed say yes? This way if he got a tilt in the game, he would lose. Ralph has now lost. Ed: "Boy, you let me down." The phone rings. As Ed picks it up, the ring is still heard. It's for Jerry. It's a person who has a hot tip on Happy Feet at a race. The odds are 20-1 that Happy Feet will win. Jerry now closes his restaurant for what he claims is the last time since now he thinks he is going to be rich. Sure, he will. That gives Ralph an idea. He will get the money to go to the track by getting an advance on his salary and he will get someone to cover for him. Ralph and Ed will go to the track and bet on Happy Feet and if he wins, Ralph wins $200 and if the odds go up even further, he will get the extra money to get back Alice's ring. Ralph: "There are some things in life that are sacred Norton." Ralph leaves. Ed leaves, but not before deciding to play with the pinball machine which somehow causes it to go on fire. How could that happen? Another question: Why does Ed have to go with Ralph?

At the race, Ralph and Ed notice that the odds for Happy Feet are still 20-1. Ralph says he will not place his bet until the last minute. If the odds get lower, the prize for him will get lower too. The announcer (probably Johnny Olsen) says: "AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE NEXT RACE, YOU ATTENTION IS DIRECTED TO THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WHERE A WREATH WILL BE PLACED ON THE WINNING HORSE BY SAMMY SPEAR." Ralph says that he doesn't know what program Sammy Spear is on. Ralph: "I think he's on the Doodle Tom Pipers." Ralph says that Happy Feet won $123,000 last year. The odds do get lower, so Ralph and Ed scheme to get the odds in their favor. Ralph sees another man and finds out that he is betting on some other horse. Ed sees an elderly woman and finds out that she is using her last $2 on Happy Feet and persuades her to vote for Ding-Dong. Ralph sees this and despite his plan to convince everybody to vote for different horses other than Happy, he tells the lady that she can vote for Happy Feet because he knows that Happy will win. The lady is happy. She goes and tells her husband (the person Ralph bumped into) to put $1000 clams on Happy Feet. Ralph is upset. He then bumps into a guy with sunglasses (played by George Petrie) and tells him not to vote for Happy Feet because Happy will be lucky if she emerges from the starting gate. Ed: "This man is the one and only, Highalea Fats (sp?)." An inside joke to Jackie's character in a 60s film "The Hustler." Ralph: "Happy is the worst horse. I saw them take the bandages off the horse." Ed: "Yeah, Happy had a bad headache." Ha! Man: "If he had bandages on his legs, why didn't he stretch them?" Ed: "Happy didn't have to do that. They put Olive Oil on his legs before they put the bandages on." They split up. Ed says that Happy doesn't stand the chance. Man: "I heard that he is in terrific shape." Ed: "Happy can't win because I am the owner. I raised that horse ever since he was a pup. We are just giving him a workout with him." Ed tells the man to vote for Ding Dong. The man leaves."

Later on, Ralph tells another man to vote for Ding Dong. Ralph runs into the same man that Ed bumped into. He doesn't know that Ed bumped into the man. The man tells Ralph, Happy Feet won't win because his owner just told him the horse is in the race only for a workout. Ralph bets Ding Dong instead, and then finds out Happy Feet's "owner" is Norton. Oh, Ralph isn't going to like that. The race starts. Everyone (including the man played by George Petrie) gathers around the fence to watch the race and some are moving and shaking. Some people are singing: "They Are Off And Running." The singing also is a play-by-play of the race. Watching Ed happily cheer on Happy Feet while Ralph is sad is funny. During this, Ralph rips up his ticket in despair. But Ding Dong comes back and wins. Ralph is upset since he tore up the ticket and now can't win any money.

In the Kramden apartment, Ralph is getting ready to go to the Raccoon Lodge meeting but he is still scared about how he is going to say how he lost the money. Alice talked him to three hours to convince him to go the Raccoon meeting and tell them the truth or he would never be able to look at himself in the mirror. A mirror breaks. Ralph comes out. Ralph: "I am staying home. I broke our mirror." Ralph says that he isn't afraid about telling them the truth, but he is afraid of getting killed by his fellow members. Ed comes down to pick up Ralph. Ed says that the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler has arrived here on his horse and wagon. The G.H.E.M.R. came by to pick both of them up. Ed says that during the meeting, after everyone found out that Ralph lost the money, he will have to kick Ralph out and then pick up the tar and feathers. The G.H.E.M.R. arrives and they all give them the Raccoon salute. Ralph starts to tell him the truth about the money but as he does, he asks him about the secret handshake that they do when they meet. The G.H.E.M.R. tells the wives to turn their backs. As they do the secret handshake that requires them to touch each other's jacket. Ralph finds out that he accidentally put the money into the G.H.E.M.R.'s jacket. He lies to everyone that he knowingly put it there because he didn't want to lose it. The G.H.E.M.R. didn't mind and then goes downstairs. Ralph says that he is the biggest liar and the luckiest man in the world.

The edited curtain call starts with Jackie introducing Shelia and Art. Jackie then says goodnight to everyone.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Box Set booklet Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Group You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.