Home Improvement lines and quotes - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

MA · 06-19-2018, 05:17 PM

Tim: [helping Randy with his math homework] ... now the denominator is the...

Randy: ...bottom number...

Tim: ...why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it?

Tim: [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction

JO Sweet Heart · 07-01-2018, 10:49 PM

^^^ Brad is the one who was getting the homework help there.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This exchange is from the beginning of my most favorite season five episode.

Tim-This letter is to me from Michigan University. That is where my wife and I went to college.

Al-Maybe they've seen this show and they are wanting their diploma back!

Of course that letter was to let Tim know that he was being given an honorary PHD.

MA · 07-02-2018, 02:38 PM

Al: Say, do you think they call it a nail gun because it shoots nails?

MA · 07-04-2018, 06:09 PM

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: "Tool Time"!
Heidi: Alright, now here he is, the star of the show. Tim "The Toolman" Taylor.

MA · 07-05-2018, 09:12 AM

Mark: When do we get to the cheese?

Jill: Soon.

MA · 07-06-2018, 02:23 PM

Wilson:

. . . I had been living with the Mara Masai tribe for six months, but had been unable to engage the aged chief in conversation. When I had all but given up hope, he summoned me to his deathbed, and whispered the words I'll never forget -- 'Hidy-ho, neighbor.,

MA · 07-07-2018, 07:07 AM

Brad: Hey guys, guess what. Barry Hudson quit his newspaper route. Hi Marie.

MA · 07-31-2018, 08:00 PM

"[Tim finds an old eight-track tape in the basement]
Tim Taylor: "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."
[begins to sing, off key]
Tim Taylor: In A Gadda Da Vida, baby...
[Jill takes the tape away]
Jill Taylor: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"?
Tim Taylor: I just was. In A Gadda Da Vida...
Jill Taylor: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" so people would want to hear it?"

MA · 07-31-2018, 08:13 PM

"Tim: [Tim and Al are at a bar after Mr. Binford has passed away] Crying won't bring him back!
Al: That isn't the point! You suffered a big loss! We all did!
[starts to cry]
Tim: Come on, pull it together, will you, Al?
Al: Well, I didn't really need that spicket! I just thought it'd be great to have hot chocolate once in a while!
Tim: [customers are staring at Al, who is shaking from crying so hard] It devastates him when they run out of corn nuts!"

MA · 08-18-2018, 07:02 AM

Randy Taylor: Mark, you're too old to believe in Santa Claus; kids are gonna start to make fun of you.
Mark Taylor: What are you talking about?
Randy Taylor: I hate to break it to you, but there is no Santa Claus.
Mark Taylor: You guys are poop-heads!
Randy Taylor: OK, fine; here's the truth: There used to be a Santa Claus, but he died six years ago.
Brad Taylor: Yep... you just missed out.
Mark Taylor: Santa Claus isn't dead.
Randy Taylor: Yes, he is. He had a terrible accident with one of his reindeer - Blitzen fell on him.

MA · 08-18-2018, 07:12 AM

"Jill: The family is always together on Christmas. We hang our stockings together. We talk to relatives on the phone. You have your new saxophone so you can play along while we sing carols and I'm going to make nana's special oyster pecan stuffing.
Tim: [Gagging] Do you suppose there's room for one more skier in that car?"

MA · 08-27-2018, 06:25 AM

And funny lines can go in here as well!

MA · 08-27-2018, 06:26 AM

"The Colonel: And then, who should grab my shoulder but General Douglas MacArthur.
Mark: Who?
The Colonel: Your father never told you about General MacArthur?
Mark: No, but he told me about General Motors."

MA · 08-28-2018, 03:28 PM

"Tim Taylor: Why should I say goodbye? He's been one of my best friends for fifteen years.
Wilson: Oh, has he, Tim? Or was he your best friend fifteen years ago? You see, Tim, I believe it was St. Paul who said, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.""

MA · 09-04-2018, 02:56 PM

"Brad: I decided that if a girl is going to like me, she's going to like me for who I am.
Jill: She dumped you, huh?
Brad: Yep."

06-19-2018, 05:17 PM	#1
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Home Improvement lines and quotes Tim: [helping Randy with his math homework] ... now the denominator is the... Randy: ...bottom number... Tim: ...why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? Tim: [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction
	__________________ ~-Mikaela-~

07-01-2018, 10:49 PM	#2
JO Sweet Heart Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Mar 11, 2012 Location: East Tennessee Posts: 7,832	^^^ Brad is the one who was getting the homework help there. God bless you always!!! Holly P.S. This exchange is from the beginning of my most favorite season five episode. Tim-This letter is to me from Michigan University. That is where my wife and I went to college. Al-Maybe they've seen this show and they are wanting their diploma back! Of course that letter was to let Tim know that he was being given an honorary PHD.
	__________________ Go here to check out my most favorite singer, James Otto, when you can!

07-04-2018, 06:09 PM	#4
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is? Audience: "Tool Time"! Heidi: Alright, now here he is, the star of the show. Tim "The Toolman" Taylor.
	Last edited by MA; 07-06-2018 at 02:21 PM.

07-05-2018, 09:12 AM	#5
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Mark: When do we get to the cheese? Jill: Soon.
	Last edited by MA; 07-06-2018 at 02:22 PM.

08-27-2018, 06:26 AM	#13
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	"The Colonel: And then, who should grab my shoulder but General Douglas MacArthur. Mark: Who? The Colonel: Your father never told you about General MacArthur? Mark: No, but he told me about General Motors."
	Last edited by MA; 08-28-2018 at 03:26 PM.

07-02-2018, 02:38 PM	#3
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Al: Say, do you think they call it a nail gun because it shoots nails?

07-06-2018, 02:23 PM	#6
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Wilson: . . . I had been living with the Mara Masai tribe for six months, but had been unable to engage the aged chief in conversation. When I had all but given up hope, he summoned me to his deathbed, and whispered the words I'll never forget -- 'Hidy-ho, neighbor.,

07-07-2018, 07:07 AM	#7
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Brad: Hey guys, guess what. Barry Hudson quit his newspaper route. Hi Marie.

07-31-2018, 08:00 PM	#8
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	"[Tim finds an old eight-track tape in the basement] Tim Taylor: "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida." [begins to sing, off key] Tim Taylor: In A Gadda Da Vida, baby... [Jill takes the tape away] Jill Taylor: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"? Tim Taylor: I just was. In A Gadda Da Vida... Jill Taylor: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" so people would want to hear it?"

07-31-2018, 08:13 PM	#9
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	"Tim: [Tim and Al are at a bar after Mr. Binford has passed away] Crying won't bring him back! Al: That isn't the point! You suffered a big loss! We all did! [starts to cry] Tim: Come on, pull it together, will you, Al? Al: Well, I didn't really need that spicket! I just thought it'd be great to have hot chocolate once in a while! Tim: [customers are staring at Al, who is shaking from crying so hard] It devastates him when they run out of corn nuts!"

08-18-2018, 07:02 AM	#10
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	Randy Taylor: Mark, you're too old to believe in Santa Claus; kids are gonna start to make fun of you. Mark Taylor: What are you talking about? Randy Taylor: I hate to break it to you, but there is no Santa Claus. Mark Taylor: You guys are poop-heads! Randy Taylor: OK, fine; here's the truth: There used to be a Santa Claus, but he died six years ago. Brad Taylor: Yep... you just missed out. Mark Taylor: Santa Claus isn't dead. Randy Taylor: Yes, he is. He had a terrible accident with one of his reindeer - Blitzen fell on him.

08-18-2018, 07:12 AM	#11
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	"Jill: The family is always together on Christmas. We hang our stockings together. We talk to relatives on the phone. You have your new saxophone so you can play along while we sing carols and I'm going to make nana's special oyster pecan stuffing. Tim: [Gagging] Do you suppose there's room for one more skier in that car?"

08-27-2018, 06:25 AM	#12
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	And funny lines can go in here as well!

08-28-2018, 03:28 PM	#14
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	"Tim Taylor: Why should I say goodbye? He's been one of my best friends for fifteen years. Wilson: Oh, has he, Tim? Or was he your best friend fifteen years ago? You see, Tim, I believe it was St. Paul who said, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.""

09-04-2018, 02:56 PM	#15
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,094	"Brad: I decided that if a girl is going to like me, she's going to like me for who I am. Jill: She dumped you, huh? Brad: Yep."