A Honeymooners Memorial Day

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph marches into the Kramden kitchen. He goes over to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, I AM READY. COME ON DOWN."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "SURE THING RALPH."

(Alice comes in.)

Alice: "Ralph, I think that it is good that you are decorating the Brooklyn Bridge with American flags in honor of Memorial Day."

Ralph: "Anything to honor the U.S. service people."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say there Ralph-ie boy?"

Ralph: "Hiya Norton. This will be a great temp job. We will make people proud."

Ed: "Let's hope that the Brooklyn Bridge will hold the weight."

Ralph: "What are you talking about? The flags weigh less than a pound."

Ed: "I am hoping that the bridge doesn't collapse because you are on it."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Oooooh, you are going to get it Norton. Come on. Let's go."

(They do.)

(They arrive at the Brooklyn Bridge. They have the American flags.)

Ralph: "Now Norton, it is said that this barricade that overlooks the water is not steady. So let's be careful."

Ed: "Good idea Ralph. I certainly wouldn't want to swim in those waters on my day off. I go swimming in those waters every day on the job. Look how polluted the water is."

Ralph: "Yes. it is.Let's get the first flag on and nail it."

(Ed gets the first flag. Ralph puts the nail down.)

Ed (scaring Ralph which causes him to drop the nail into the water, yells): "RALPH, I SEE LIGHTNING."

Ralph (yells): "YOU STUPID STUPE. YOU CAUSED ME TO DROP THE NAIL INTO THE WATER."

Ed (yells): "I'M SORRY. I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP."

Ralph: "Norton, you are lucky that we have spare nails otherwise, I would hit YOU with the hammer."

Ed: "Look why don't we switch roles?"

Ralph: "All right. I will hold the nail and the flag."

(Ed accidentally hits Ralph's thumb with the nail.)

Ralph (walking around, yells): "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!"

(Ralph leans against the barricade. The barricade and Ralph fall into the water.)

Ed (yells): "SORRY RALPH. YOU OKAY?"

(Ralph hollers very loudly.)

Ed (yells): "HEY, NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I GO THROUGH EVERY DAY. LOOKS LIKE YOUR PLAN TO STAY DRY TODAY GOT ALL WET."

(Ralph hollers very loudly. Ed runs away.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "I just want to wish all the war veterans and people who are serving overseas right now a happy Memorial Day."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "As usual, the Miami crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)