A Honeymooners Mother's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens & Nortons are at the bowling alley. Ralph has a look of disgust on his face.)

Alice: "Now Ralph, you have to promise me that you will be on your best behavior. I invited my parents to bowl with us tonight."

Trixie: "Me and Ed invited my parents too Ralph. Please be on your best behavior. We all know your feelings in regards to Alice's mother."

Ralph: "We don't get along. We are enemies. Natural enemies. Like a boa constrictor and a mongoose."

Ed: "What would it be like if Alice's mother bowled a better game than Ralph-ie boy?"

Ralph: "I will send Alice to the moon for suggesting this idea."

Alice: "Ralph."

(Alice's parents and Trixie's parents come in.)

Alice: "Happy Mother's Day Mom."

Alice's Mom: "Thank you Alice. Hiya Sonny boy. I hope you find a ball big enough to fit your fat fingers. I also hope you don't eat all the food here."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!"

Alice's Mom: "This is a great Mother's Day gift Alice. Thank you. Do you know what would be a better gift? You telling me that you are pregnant. Instead, the only one pregnant around here is Ralph."

(Ed laughs.)

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Alice's Dad: "Where's our lanes?"

Ralph: "Right over here pal."

(They get ready to bowl. Both Alice's mom and Ralph are ready to bowl. They bowl at the same time.The teams are the Kramdens and Nortons against the parents. Ralph gets a gutter ball while Alice's Mom gets a strike. Ralph is fuming.)

(Later on, Alice's Mom is getting nothing but strikes while Ralph is getting nothing but gutter balls.)

Alice's Mom: "This is a great present Alice. Seeing my big fat blob of a son-in-law make a fool of himself."

Alice: "That is very surprising since Ralph is usually a great bowler."

Ed: "Ralph, wait until I text our team how bad you are tonight."

Ralph (yells): "YOU WILL DO NOTHING OF THE KIND OR I WILL JAM THAT CELLPHONE RIGHT DOWN YOUR THROAT. ANYWAY, I AM JUST GETTING WARMED UP."

(Later on in the game, Alice's mother is on the verge of a perfect game but the score is still tied. Than Alice's mom gets a perfect game much to Ralph's chagrin. Ralph bowls and actually gets nine pins down.)

Ralph: "Looks like I will redeem myself Mom. I am just about to tie the game and send it into overtime. Alice's Mom and Norton, I don't want to hear a SOUND out of any of you. Don't even breathe."

Alice's Mom: "If we don't breathe, we will faint."

Ralph: "That is okay. Make sure you don't make any noise when you hit the floor."

(Ralph bowls. His ball goes over the lane and into somebody else's lane. Ed laughs. Uncle Leo comes in just before Ralph bowls.)

Uncle Leo: "Hi everyone. Am I too late for the eats?"

Alice: "No. You are also not too late to see my big fat horse of a son-in-law make a fool of himself."

(Ed laughs. Ralph gets into a fight with Ed & Alice's mother. People separate them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Let's bring out the main cast. Here we go."

(They all come out. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)