Stuff Ward Wouldn't Say - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

MichaelMartinD · 02-20-2018, 06:23 PM

My sister (also an LITB fan) and I enjoy thinking of 21st century expressions that Ward Cleaver would never had heard of, then put them in his mouth. The results are often amusing. A few examples:

"June, do you realize you're being a helicopter parent?"
"Beaver, let this be a teachable moment for you."
"Lumpy Rutherford is Wally's frenemy."
"Fred Rutherford is the biggest workaholic I've ever met."
"Wally, are you having a bad hair day, or that hairstyle deliberate?" (from "Wally's Haircut")

Ward would not talk about "upgrading" his golf club.

After explaining some fine moral point to Beaver, he wouldn't say "Does that make sense?"

Referring to Andy Hadlock's alcoholism, he wouldn't say that Andy has "issues."

stevea · 02-20-2018, 07:52 PM

Beaver, to Penny before she is (supposedly) to move away, in the school hall: "Well, don't tell anybody, but could you get a selfie, and give it to me to remember you by?"

Oops--sorry--this was supposed to be Ward's sayings!

MichaelMartinD · 02-21-2018, 09:47 AM

That's OK - it could be broadened to "Things they would never say on LITB."

My goodness, could you imagine LITB in the digital age? Lumpy bullying Beaver over Facebook? Mr. Rutherford sending photos of his daughter kissing Beaver over Instagram? Beaver keeping a blog instead of a diary where he records his dangerous exploits? I shudder to think.

Scrabjan1 · 02-22-2018, 09:21 AM

Very interesting topic.

“Beaver why don’t you think out of the box and get your own ideas for a poster.”

Wally instead of saying “Golly” when he got kissed by Marlene he would say ”Seriously?”

Beaver- “Instead of saying well before each line he would say “So.” Like they all do and I can hear Ward say “June I’m not going to buy Wally an orchid because “at the end of the day” he’ll realize it’s not worth it.

Maybe Miss Landers could be packing a rod if Harry decides to shoot Penny.

Torgo · 02-22-2018, 09:45 AM

When Ward and June first meet-

Ward: "I've never seen you here before, I like that in a woman."

June: "You're cute."

Ward: "Keep talking, baby, maybe you'll tell me something I don't already know."

stevea · 02-22-2018, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrabjan1

Maybe Miss Landers could be packing a rod if Harry decides to shoot Penny.

I really did LOL on that one. Or in some episode where Judy tells on someone, instead of saying (as she did when Beaver didn't really move away), Sit down, Judy, Miss Landers pulls out a rod and orders her to sit down or else.

Other dialog:

Instead of saying "well" (or like he says, wool), Beaver, when describing stuff that happened at school: "'So Penny says, I'm gonna give you my pencil box.' And I'm like, no don't...I don't want it. And she's like," etc.

Torgo · 02-22-2018, 11:38 AM

Wally: "Hey, Beav, why doesn't Larry come around anymore?"

Beaver: "His mom had to send him to rehab for his apple addiction."

Torgo · 02-22-2018, 12:02 PM

June: "I'm going to take off these pearls, put on some sweats and a t-shirt before I clean house."

Scrabjan1 · 02-22-2018, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevea

I really did LOL on that one. Or in some episode where Judy tells on someone, instead of saying (as she did when Beaver didn't really move away), Sit down, Judy, Miss Landers pulls out a rod and orders her to sit down or else.

Other dialog:

Instead of saying "well" (or like he says, wool), Beaver, when describing stuff that happened at school: "'So Penny says, I'm gonna give you my pencil box.' And I'm like, no don't...I don't want it. And she's like," etc.

Yeah very annoying dialogue. So like he goes “They’ll put my father in jail.” And I go like “How come.” And Eddie like said “ Because it’s his library card.” June would be annoyed with words like flip and ape. How about the words they use today? Fred went postal on Lumpy and called him a big *****!

Yeah Judy really needed Miss Landers to take measures and I should have used Judy not Penny.

Wally- Eddie said that Janet Gibbs said that Alice Hartley said I had eyes like George Clooney.” June - Wow Wally, awesome.”

Bonniegirl · 02-22-2018, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Torgo

Wally: "Hey, Beav, why doesn't Larry come around anymore?"

Beaver: "His mom had to send him to rehab for his apple addiction."

Bonniegirl · 02-22-2018, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrabjan1

Yeah very annoying dialogue. So like he goes “They’ll put my father in jail.” And I go like “How come.” And Eddie like said “ Because it’s his library card.” June would be annoyed with words like flip and ape. How about the words they use today? Fred went postal on Lumpy and called him a big *****!

Yeah Judy really needed Miss Landers to take measures and I should have used Judy not Penny.

Wally- Eddie said that Janet Gibbs said that Alice Hartley said I had eyes like George Clooney.” June - Wow Wally, awesome.”

I just saw that ep. where Eddie was telling Wally that on the phone!!

Bonniegirl · 02-22-2018, 02:21 PM

June: " Ward, you were a little rough on the Beaver last night"

Now it would be :

"Ward, you were verbally abusive to the Beaver last night" !

stevea · 02-22-2018, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrabjan1

Wally- Eddie said that Janet Gibbs said that Alice Hartley said I had eyes like George Clooney.” June - Wow Wally, awesome.”

Totally awesome.

Can you hear Frances talking to her girlfriends?

So I'm like, Wally, you don't want me to get all soakee, do you?

And he's like, no. So he like, just lets me keep the sweater, you know...

And then later, he like comes right to my door, you know...and he's like, gimme the sweater right now. And I'm like, Wally, I'm gonna give it to you Monday, you know. And he's like, no, you're gonna give it to me now. So I gave it to him you know. And his stupid little brother is like, gimme some fudge. And I'm like no way, dude. I keep the sweater, the brat can have some fudge you know.

Scrabjan1 · 02-22-2018, 03:28 PM

That was HILARIOUS!!

Lumpy wouldn’t be left back a grade he would be labeled mentally challenged and allowed to be promoted so not to hurt his self esteem.

Wally- “Beaver is always listening to Eddie and believes everything he says. That’s why he’s always getting into trouble.”

Ward- “That’s right Wally it’s the new normal.”

Eddie- “What are you two doing plotting to blow up the school.” Eddie’s Sweater
Not funny these days!

MichaelMartinD · 02-22-2018, 04:40 PM

When talking about his favorite baseball players to June in "Ward's Baseball," Ward wouldn't describe them as "iconic."

He wouldn't tell Beaver to "be the best version of yourself you can be."

02-20-2018, 06:23 PM	#1
MichaelMartinD Member Forum Regular Join Date: Dec 23, 2013 Posts: 574	Stuff Ward Wouldn't Say My sister (also an LITB fan) and I enjoy thinking of 21st century expressions that Ward Cleaver would never had heard of, then put them in his mouth. The results are often amusing. A few examples: "June, do you realize you're being a helicopter parent?" "Beaver, let this be a teachable moment for you." "Lumpy Rutherford is Wally's frenemy." "Fred Rutherford is the biggest workaholic I've ever met." "Wally, are you having a bad hair day, or that hairstyle deliberate?" (from "Wally's Haircut") Ward would not talk about "upgrading" his golf club. After explaining some fine moral point to Beaver, he wouldn't say "Does that make sense?" Referring to Andy Hadlock's alcoholism, he wouldn't say that Andy has "issues."

02-20-2018, 07:52 PM	#2
stevea 22 Years On Sitcoms Moderator Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Location: Indy Posts: 44,357	Sorry... Beaver, to Penny before she is (supposedly) to move away, in the school hall: "Well, don't tell anybody, but could you get a selfie, and give it to me to remember you by?" Oops--sorry--this was supposed to be Ward's sayings!
	Last edited by stevea; 02-20-2018 at 09:16 PM. Reason: Oops!

02-21-2018, 09:47 AM	#3
MichaelMartinD Member Forum Regular Join Date: Dec 23, 2013 Posts: 574	That's OK - it could be broadened to "Things they would never say on LITB." My goodness, could you imagine LITB in the digital age? Lumpy bullying Beaver over Facebook? Mr. Rutherford sending photos of his daughter kissing Beaver over Instagram? Beaver keeping a blog instead of a diary where he records his dangerous exploits? I shudder to think.
	Last edited by MichaelMartinD; 02-22-2018 at 04:43 PM.

02-22-2018, 09:45 AM	#5
Torgo Omaha & Fritz Forum Star Join Date: Mar 06, 2004 Location: Oregon Posts: 19,017	When Ward and June first meet- Ward: "I've never seen you here before, I like that in a woman." June: "You're cute." Ward: "Keep talking, baby, maybe you'll tell me something I don't already know."
	__________________ "I'm going to go do something productive. I'm gonna go watch television." - Ray Peterson, The 'burbs "I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." - Stephen King "There's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence." - Elvira

02-22-2018, 09:21 AM	#4
Scrabjan1 Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 27, 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,521	Very interesting topic. “Beaver why don’t you think out of the box and get your own ideas for a poster.” Wally instead of saying “Golly” when he got kissed by Marlene he would say ”Seriously?” Beaver- “Instead of saying well before each line he would say “So.” Like they all do and I can hear Ward say “June I’m not going to buy Wally an orchid because “at the end of the day” he’ll realize it’s not worth it. Maybe Miss Landers could be packing a rod if Harry decides to shoot Penny.

02-22-2018, 11:38 AM	#7
Torgo Omaha & Fritz Forum Star Join Date: Mar 06, 2004 Location: Oregon Posts: 19,017	Wally: "Hey, Beav, why doesn't Larry come around anymore?" Beaver: "His mom had to send him to rehab for his apple addiction."

02-22-2018, 12:02 PM	#8
Torgo Omaha & Fritz Forum Star Join Date: Mar 06, 2004 Location: Oregon Posts: 19,017	June: "I'm going to take off these pearls, put on some sweats and a t-shirt before I clean house."

02-22-2018, 02:21 PM	#12
Bonniegirl AKA Hazel Horvath Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 10, 2014 Posts: 65,479	June: " Ward, you were a little rough on the Beaver last night" Now it would be : "Ward, you were verbally abusive to the Beaver last night" !

02-22-2018, 03:28 PM	#14
Scrabjan1 Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 27, 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,521	That was HILARIOUS!! Lumpy wouldn’t be left back a grade he would be labeled mentally challenged and allowed to be promoted so not to hurt his self esteem. Wally- “Beaver is always listening to Eddie and believes everything he says. That’s why he’s always getting into trouble.” Ward- “That’s right Wally it’s the new normal.” Eddie- “What are you two doing plotting to blow up the school.” Eddie’s Sweater Not funny these days!

02-22-2018, 04:40 PM	#15
MichaelMartinD Member Forum Regular Join Date: Dec 23, 2013 Posts: 574	When talking about his favorite baseball players to June in "Ward's Baseball," Ward wouldn't describe them as "iconic." He wouldn't tell Beaver to "be the best version of yourself you can be."