Favorite Quotes - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Ohio8 · 02-18-2018, 03:26 PM

Oliver: "There's something wrong with the carburetor."
Eb: "Yeah, it needs a new tractor on it."

AB · 03-02-2018, 06:31 PM

Oliver: "But he couldn't be dead."

Fred Ziffel: "Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral."

Oliver: "Are you sure?"

Fred Ziffel: "I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one."

AB · 03-02-2018, 06:32 PM

Lisa: "When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor."

Oliver: "Who?"

AB · 03-04-2018, 05:07 PM

Lisa Douglas: "Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him."

Ralph Monroe: "My lips are sealed."

Hank Kimball: "Now if we could only keep them that way."

Ralph Monroe: "If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out!"

AB · 03-08-2018, 05:15 PM

Oliver: "Eb, why don't you pull up the weeds that are growing in the wheat."

Eb: "Can't I just pull up the wheat? There ain't as much of that."

Chip J · 03-09-2018, 04:23 PM

Let's not forget the ever present exclamation in the first year in both Green Acres and Petticoat Junction whenever the Douglas' said where they were living.
Various Characters, at once or individually:
"The HANEY PLACE?'

AB · 03-26-2018, 04:28 PM

Eb Dawson: "Boy, you sure are ruining my love life. In our civilization a fella without wheels is nowhere."

Oliver: "Eb, even with wheels you're nowhere."

Ohio8 · 06-21-2018, 06:03 PM

Oliver: "You mallet head!"

MA · 06-21-2018, 06:18 PM

Oliver Wendell Douglass: [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold] How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying!

Lisa Douglas: That's because you don't LISTEN!

Ohio8 · 06-22-2018, 07:36 PM

Lisa: (to Oliver)"What do you want?"
Oliver: "Ham and eggs."
Lisa: "We don't have any ham!"
Oliver: "We could have."
(Arnold Ziffel squeals and runs out of the Douglas' house.)
Oliver: "There's a pig who's all chicken."

MA · 06-23-2018, 06:50 AM

Ohio8 · 06-23-2018, 01:06 PM

Lisa: "He was reincarcerated."

A note about this quote: Lisa meant to say "He was reincarnated" instead of what she said.

MA · 06-23-2018, 01:09 PM

Eb Dawson: Mr. Ziffel, notice where your wife's standing? Under the mistletoe!
Fred Ziffel: Why don't you mind your own business?

Ohio8 · 06-23-2018, 01:18 PM

Oliver: (to Eb)"I'M NOT YOUR DAD!"

MA · 06-23-2018, 01:36 PM

Sam Drucker: How 'bout a dehydrated chicken?

Oliver Douglas: A dehydrated chicken?

Sam Drucker: Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken.

Oliver Douglas: That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard

02-18-2018, 03:26 PM	#1
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,912	Favorite Quotes Oliver: "There's something wrong with the carburetor." Eb: "Yeah, it needs a new tractor on it."
	__________________ "Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd Last edited by Ohio8; 04-06-2020 at 10:27 PM.

06-21-2018, 06:18 PM	#9
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,311	Oliver Wendell Douglass: [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold] How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying! Lisa Douglas: That's because you don't LISTEN!
	__________________ ~-Mikaela-~

03-02-2018, 06:31 PM	#2
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,429	Oliver: "But he couldn't be dead." Fred Ziffel: "Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral." Oliver: "Are you sure?" Fred Ziffel: "I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one."

03-02-2018, 06:32 PM	#3
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,429	Lisa: "When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor." Oliver: "Who?"

03-04-2018, 05:07 PM	#4
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,429	Lisa Douglas: "Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him." Ralph Monroe: "My lips are sealed." Hank Kimball: "Now if we could only keep them that way." Ralph Monroe: "If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out!"

03-08-2018, 05:15 PM	#5
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,429	Oliver: "Eb, why don't you pull up the weeds that are growing in the wheat." Eb: "Can't I just pull up the wheat? There ain't as much of that."

03-09-2018, 04:23 PM	#6
Chip J Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 04, 2018 Location: Virginia Posts: 40	Let's not forget the ever present exclamation in the first year in both Green Acres and Petticoat Junction whenever the Douglas' said where they were living. Various Characters, at once or individually: "The HANEY PLACE?'

03-26-2018, 04:28 PM	#7
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,429	Eb Dawson: "Boy, you sure are ruining my love life. In our civilization a fella without wheels is nowhere." Oliver: "Eb, even with wheels you're nowhere."

06-21-2018, 06:03 PM	#8
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,912	Oliver: "You mallet head!"

06-22-2018, 07:36 PM	#10
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,912	Lisa: (to Oliver)"What do you want?" Oliver: "Ham and eggs." Lisa: "We don't have any ham!" Oliver: "We could have." (Arnold Ziffel squeals and runs out of the Douglas' house.) Oliver: "There's a pig who's all chicken."

06-23-2018, 06:50 AM	#11
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,311

06-23-2018, 01:06 PM	#12
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,912	Lisa: "He was reincarcerated." A note about this quote: Lisa meant to say "He was reincarnated" instead of what she said.

06-23-2018, 01:09 PM	#13
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,311	Eb Dawson: Mr. Ziffel, notice where your wife's standing? Under the mistletoe! Fred Ziffel: Why don't you mind your own business?

06-23-2018, 01:18 PM	#14
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,912	Oliver: (to Eb)"I'M NOT YOUR DAD!"

06-23-2018, 01:36 PM	#15
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,311	Sam Drucker: How 'bout a dehydrated chicken? Oliver Douglas: A dehydrated chicken? Sam Drucker: Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken. Oliver Douglas: That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard