Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "A Woman's Work Is Never Done"/"A Matter of Life/Death"

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "A Woman's Work Is Never Done" & "A Matter of Life & Death":

Episode #113 (Syndicated Episode #4)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Dial J For Janitor." On some tapes, it is attached to “A Matter of Life & Death” & “The Sleepwalker.” On some tapes, it is attached to “Hello Mom”, “A Matter of Record”, “Here Comes The Bride” & “‘Twas The Night Before XMas.”
DVD: Attached to the other first eight classic 39 episodes in the first DVD of the classic 39 episodes box set. The HD Blu-Ray set I believe has the exact same episodes and may include some bonus material.
Air Date: Sat. 10/22/55

To see the script, click here: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co...episode=s04e04

Ralph comes home to find out that his Hurricanes Bowling Jacket has the last "S" not sewed in. Ralph complains since he is going bowling tonight and if he doesn't wear this jacket, people won't know what team he is on. Ralph: "How will the people know what team I am on?" Alice: "Just open your mouth." Ha! Ralph complains of all the work that Alice hasn't done for him. Ralph: "Every time Alice that you don't do something that I want you to do, you get one demerit and do you know what happens if you get 10 demerits?" After that, it looks like the tape of the episode has been cut, because Alice responds to Ralph's complaining. We don't even hear of what Ralph saying: "What will happen if Alice gets 10 demerits." In the Honeymooners Companion Book, the original script had Alice saying "Shut up" at Ralph 10 times. Alice has had enough of doing housework. She says that Ralph works a 12 hour shift and that she works 24/7 and holidays are a double-header. She says that they are going to get a maid. Ralph, of course objects. Ralph: "I can't afford you (Alice), let alone a maid." Alice says that she will get a job and have it "easy." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph: "You have just decided for me Alice. I am going on the $64,000 Question and my category that I will pick is 'Aggravation.'"

At Brooklyn Housekeeping Services, Ralph says to Alice to try to act like we never had a maid before and that they are big shots. Sure, they are. The boss comes in and asks Ralph where they live to which Ralph responds: "728 Chauncey Street." Isn't the address 328 Chauncey Street? Ralph coughs because of the cigar that he is smoking and says: "It pays to buy the best." We hear that Alice's job is a jelly donut stuffer. The maid they get is Thelma. Her demands are great. Some of them are: "After parties, I get paid double-time and have the next day off and I don't clean up after midnight snacks and by the looks of it, it looks like this boy (Ralph) has had plenty of them." Alice doesn't care. She is happy that she is getting a maid. Ralph cares though. Thelma can't pick up her suitcase because it is heavy and she is weak. Ralph tries to pick it up, but he is having a harder time then Thelma had picking it up.

At home, Thelma says: "If this is the servant's quarters, I quit." She gets changed. Ed comes in and Ralph tells him that the maid they got looks like she invented the bathtub. Ralph also says that all she has to do is ring the bell and she comes running. Ralph rings the bell and after a few times, Thelma comes in. Thelma: "If that is the Good Humor Man, give me an ice cream cone." Ralph orders Thelma to make him and his guest some coffee. Thelma says: "Okay." Ralph: "Stop saying: 'Okay.'" Thelma: "Okay." Ed rings the bell and asks for one lump in his coffee. Thelma: "You keep ringing that bell and you will get one lump." Ralph and Thelma then have an argument and Thelma quits. Ralph orders for her to come back and Ed rings the bell, hoping she will come back. She doesn't.

The next day, Ralph is in an apron that is suitable for a maid. Ed comes in. Ralph tells him of all the maids they have had that quit in a few days. One of them just saw a mop and quit. Ralph asks Ed to help out by ironing. Ed charges some money for the job. Ralph obliges. Ed irons one of Ralph's jackets and when Ralph asks Ed to help him lift up the bureau, Ed leaves the burning iron on the jacket. They can't lift up the bureau because the drawers are filled with junk. So Ed has a solution. Take the drawers out. Ed does that and puts them ON TOP of the bureau. They then lift up the bureau with no problem. How is that possible when they couldn't do it when the drawers were in the bureau? Ralph: "Ed, you got one idea all year and you got to make a Federal Case out of it." When I saw this episode for the first time and not knowing much about it, I laughed when Ralph and Ed did this and I think it would have been funnier if Ed or Ralph accidentally knocked the drawers that were on top of the bureau out the window and into the street. The bureau lifting scene would be repeated again in a Honeymooners ABC Special in the 70s entitled: “The Honeymooners XMas Special.” Ralph and Ed go to the ironing board and see the burnt jacket. Ralph: "Is this your idea of a joke Norton?" Ed: "No, that's my idea of a burn." Ralph doesn't blame Ed for his mistake though. He says when Alice comes in to compliment her so she can stop working and go back to being a housewife. Sure enough, Alice comes in and gets buttered up by Ralph. Alice got a promotion. She is now a jelly donut taster. Ralph: "Norton, what is Marilyn Monroe doing here?" Ed: "Where? Where? Where?" Ed leaves. Ralph says to Alice that she has got to come back to being housewife and he's sorry. Alice obliges. Then, Ed comes in to reveal that he hired a new maid. Guess who the maid is? Thelma.

Episode #114 (Syndicated Episode #5)
TV: Half-hour
VCR: Attached to "The Worry Wart." On some tapes, it’s attached to “A Woman’s Work Is Never Done” & “The Sleepwalker.” On some tapes, it’s attached to “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka “Mind Your Own Business”), “On Stage” , “The Sleepwalker” & “Pal O’ Mine.”
DVD: Attached to the other first eight classic 39 episodes in the first DVD of the classic 39 episodes box set. The HD Blu-Ray set I believe has the exact same episodes and may include some bonus material.
Color & Lost Episode Title: “Six Months To Live.”
Air Date: Sat. 10/29/55

To see the script, click here: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co...episode=s04e05

TV Land had a section of it's website that is dedicated to The Honeymooners. It showed pictures, episode guide etc. When they did the episode guide, they put the title of the episode in bold and the summary in a font like the one I am typing in right now. But, when they list this episode, not only did they not bold the title, they included it in the summary of "A Woman's Work Is Never Done."

Incidentally, this episode was done earlier as a sketch called: "Six Months To Live." “Six Months To Live” was also redone again in the 1956-1957 season. To this day, only one of the two versions have been shown on TV (that being the original version on "The Best of Gleason" III Special in 1989) while the other version has yet to be released on TV, video or DVD. The last time a few clips of this were shown was in 2002 during the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special. It was done again as a Color Honeymooners episode with the same title as the original.

Alice is home. Trixie visits. Alice is talking about her mother's dog being sick and having to be taken to the doctor. It was more expensive more to have the doctor give the dog a check-up then it did Ralph when he recently visited the doctor. A telegram is going to come by tonight with the news about the dog. Ralph and Ed come in to a long ovation. At first, when I saw this episode, I knew that sometimes when Jackie, Art, Audrey, or Joyce made an appearance for the first or second time, they got an ovation that lasted about five seconds. But the ovation in this episode for Jackie and Art was longer and I thought it was because both of them came in at the same time and I guess someone and/or the crowd felt that they should have given them a longer ovation since they came on the set together. But, I have seen other episodes since then that more than one of the primary cast members came on the set and they got like a five-second ovation. I hope what I wrote made sense.

Back to the episode, Ed wants a kiss from Trixie. But she says no. One of the reasons is that he worked in the sewer all day. The girls go upstairs. Ed asks Ralph if he wants to bowl tonight. Ralph says no. He thinks that there is something wrong with him since he went to the doctor and he has been felling tired lately. Could it be plain exhaustion? The telegram is sent in. Ralph gets the telegram from the delivery man and when the man holds out his hand expecting a tip, Ralph says: "Your hand is very dirty." Ralph reads the telegram aloud to Ed. The dog is dying in six months from monochromia (sp?). Ralph: "This is the type of disease that normally affects Boxers." Ralph thinks that the letter is about him and he is dying. Ed: "Doctors can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine, the doctor gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor. He lived for almost eight months." In 2002, during the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special, they played clips from versions of this scene of this episode and played them in a collage format like they showed Ralph receiving the telegram in the second version of this episode and then in the third version, they showed Ralph saying to the man: "Your hand is very dirty." They continued doing this until Ralph finished the letter. Ralph gets an idea; he will sell this story to a magazine for $5,000. He writes a will and in the will, he will give Ed his bowling shoes. Ed: "I was going to give myself a pair of bowling shoes. This couldn't have happened at a better time." Gee, that was so not nice of Ed to say that.

At the magazine (which by the way is called: "Universal Magazine") headquarters, Ralph arrives and tells his story. The president of the magazine says that he will do it and when Ralph's tongue turns blue (like the telegram said) they will do a cover spread on it. Ha!

At home, Alice is mad at Ralph for giving that story to that magazine. She knows that he is not dying. Ralph tries to convince her by giving her the telegram. She laughs uncontrollably while Ralph thinks that she has no heart. Alice tells him that he is not dying and this telegram is for mom's dog Ginger. Ralph is ecstatic. He is not going to die now. During this scene, you can see that it was clipped. But, when Ralph remembers the story in the magazine, he faints. Alice offers to help Ralph by going in the bathroom to get some medicine. Ed comes in and when he sees Ralph on the floor, he thinks that he died. Ed: "He didn't last the six months. They will say on Ralph's bus now: 'Step to the rear of the Paradise Express.'" Ed cries, but I think you can tell that Art wasn't really crying. Alice gives Ralph the medicine. Ed says it is no use. But, when he sees Ralph up and about, he is relived. Ralph: "I am not going to die." Ed: "You mean never?" Ralph: "I don't mean never. If I don't die in six months, they will see that I do." Ralph picks up the newspaper on the table (the one that Ed brought in). How did he know that it was on the table? Ralph tries to think his way out of this mess. Alice: "Don't think Ralph, because if you think, you will only get yourself in trouble." Ralph gets an idea. He will let Norton come with him to the magazine and tell him that he is cured. Ed: "Don't touch me Ralph. I'm sterile."

At the magazine, Ed is disguised as Doctor Norton and he keeps on saying to people: "Don't touch me. I'm sterile." Ralph gets upset at that. The president of the magazine comes in and Ralph explains that there won't be a second part to the story since he has been cured. He says that Doctor Norton read part one of the story and he is the only one with cure for monochromia. The president asks Norton: "Where did you go to school?" Ed: "P.S. 31 Oyster Bay." President: "I mean collage." Ralph: "Oxford." President: "Oh, in England." Ed: "Oh, is that where it is?" President: "You went to Oxford and you didn't know that it was in England?" Ed: "With all that fog, I couldn't tell." President: "Where did you practice medicine?" Ed: "I don't have to practice it. I know it." The president smells a hoax and that Ed is no doctor and him and possibly Ralph should go to jail for fraud. Ralph saves both of them by offering what really happened. The president of the magazine listens.

At home, Ralph tells the story to Alice while eating blueberry pie. Ralph: "You don't know what I have been through." Ralph looks at his tongue in the mirror and that the tongue is blue from the pie, he nearly has a heart attack. But he clams down. They kiss and embrace.

TV.com when listing the Color version of this episode described it as being exactly the same as the Classic 39 version. That is incorrect. It is exactly the same as the lost episode versions.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.

[Frank Gannucci]

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