A Honeymooners Income Tax Day: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 04-15-2017, 08:15 AM

A Honeymooners Income Tax Day:

(Ralph & Ed are trying to figure out their taxes weeks in advance.)

Ralph: “Boy, this is a lot of mumbo-jumbo.”

Ed: “I couldn’t agree more Ralph. I can’t stand it. Trixie is forcing me to miss Spongebob Squarepants for this.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Look at how complicated this question is.”

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: “Ralph, why don’t you two swallow your pride and go to H&R Block to get all of our taxes done.”

Ralph: “Alice, we can do this. We are men. We don’t give up until the going gets tough.”

(Ralph & Ed look at their taxes some more.)

Ralph: “Let’s go get someone to look at our taxes.”

(They leave.)

(They approach a bunch of young people in an office.)

Ralph: “Norton, we are not paying $$$$ at those tax service companies when we can get it here done with a fraction of the cost.”

Ed: “Inside that head is a thinking machine.”

Ralph: “Here’s a young man.”

Man: “Hey dude! You two want to get your taxes done? Great.”

(The man drinks his soda immaturely. Ralph & Ed look on in amazement.)

Man: “Whoa dude! These taxes are tough. Mr. Kramden, you spent $5 on a horse with a clock in it’s stomach?”

Ralph: “Yes.”

Man: “That is cool dude. I would buy that. I watch MTV a lot. I wish they had a shopping program like the ones that HSN does.”

Ed: “That’s a good idea buddy boy. I can tell that you are smart.”

Man: “Thank you. The nerve of my parents and all of our parents that work here that say we are not mature and won’t matter to anything. Big deal. All of us who work here are in our 20s. It’s not our fault that our company is bleeding money due to all of our expenses.”

Ralph: “Yeah, that is true. Time to get our taxes done.”

(They get “done.”)

(Weeks later, it is April 17th. The girls see the taxes that were "done." They boys return to the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph: “Hello girls.”

Alice: “Ralph, did you get our taxes done in H&R Block?”

Trixie: “Ed, did you get our taxes done in H&R Block?”

Ralph: “No, we did not. We were smart by going to this independent tax company run by 20-year-olds who demanded a fraction of the cost.”

Alice: “Look at all of our taxes. They are wrong. That company that you went to I got told went out of business yesterday due to their immaturity.”

(Ed hums The Funeral March.)

Ralph: “Shut up Norton! Look Alice, we apologize.”

Ed: “So do I.”

Ralph: “We will get our taxes done by H&R Block right now.”

Alice: “Go now before it’s too late.”

Ed: “Let’s go by sewer. I know the manhole that is right by H&R Block. I hope that you can fit through the manhole.”

Ralph (yells): “NORTON, YOU WILL GET IT.”

(They rush to H&R Block to get the taxes done. They see a tax professional named Mr. Garfield.)

Mr. Garfield: “You guys are late. I hope I can get your taxes done on time. I hope that you two didn’t go to that independent tax company that was run by immature 20-year-olds that just went out of business due to their immaturity.”

Ralph: “Noooo, we didn’t.”

Ed: “Yeah, we did Ralph.”

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

(Later on.)

Man: “Here are your taxes. You have to go to the IRS office right now. Hurry.”

Ralph: “Let’s go Norton.”

(They rush to the IRS office. It is now 11:59p. They approach a man in the window.)

Ralph: “Here are our taxes.”

Man: “They are all somewhat wet and smell.”

Ed: “We took the sewer. I work in there.”

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Man: “I can’t take this.”

Ralph (yells): “WHAT?”

Man: “I’m just messing with you. I will take them. You two are in the clear.”

Ed: “Thank you. Ralph, looked like he was going to have a heart attack.”

Man: “I’m surprised he hasn’t had one already.”

(Some people at the office, including Ed laugh. Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Norton, as soon as we hit that door, you better start running.”

(Ed runs. Ralph runs after him.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

04-15-2017, 08:15 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,090	A Honeymooners Income Tax Day: A Honeymooners Income Tax Day: (Ralph & Ed are trying to figure out their taxes weeks in advance.) Ralph: “Boy, this is a lot of mumbo-jumbo.” Ed: “I couldn’t agree more Ralph. I can’t stand it. Trixie is forcing me to miss Spongebob Squarepants for this.” (Ralph rolls his eyes.) Ralph: “Look at how complicated this question is.” (Alice comes out.) Alice: “Ralph, why don’t you two swallow your pride and go to H&R Block to get all of our taxes done.” Ralph: “Alice, we can do this. We are men. We don’t give up until the going gets tough.” (Ralph & Ed look at their taxes some more.) Ralph: “Let’s go get someone to look at our taxes.” (They leave.) (They approach a bunch of young people in an office.) Ralph: “Norton, we are not paying $$$$ at those tax service companies when we can get it here done with a fraction of the cost.” Ed: “Inside that head is a thinking machine.” Ralph: “Here’s a young man.” Man: “Hey dude! You two want to get your taxes done? Great.” (The man drinks his soda immaturely. Ralph & Ed look on in amazement.) Man: “Whoa dude! These taxes are tough. Mr. Kramden, you spent $5 on a horse with a clock in it’s stomach?” Ralph: “Yes.” Man: “That is cool dude. I would buy that. I watch MTV a lot. I wish they had a shopping program like the ones that HSN does.” Ed: “That’s a good idea buddy boy. I can tell that you are smart.” Man: “Thank you. The nerve of my parents and all of our parents that work here that say we are not mature and won’t matter to anything. Big deal. All of us who work here are in our 20s. It’s not our fault that our company is bleeding money due to all of our expenses.” Ralph: “Yeah, that is true. Time to get our taxes done.” (They get “done.”) (Weeks later, it is April 17th. The girls see the taxes that were "done." They boys return to the Kramden apartment.) Ralph: “Hello girls.” Alice: “Ralph, did you get our taxes done in H&R Block?” Trixie: “Ed, did you get our taxes done in H&R Block?” Ralph: “No, we did not. We were smart by going to this independent tax company run by 20-year-olds who demanded a fraction of the cost.” Alice: “Look at all of our taxes. They are wrong. That company that you went to I got told went out of business yesterday due to their immaturity.” (Ed hums The Funeral March.) Ralph: “Shut up Norton! Look Alice, we apologize.” Ed: “So do I.” Ralph: “We will get our taxes done by H&R Block right now.” Alice: “Go now before it’s too late.” Ed: “Let’s go by sewer. I know the manhole that is right by H&R Block. I hope that you can fit through the manhole.” Ralph (yells): “NORTON, YOU WILL GET IT.” (They rush to H&R Block to get the taxes done. They see a tax professional named Mr. Garfield.) Mr. Garfield: “You guys are late. I hope I can get your taxes done on time. I hope that you two didn’t go to that independent tax company that was run by immature 20-year-olds that just went out of business due to their immaturity.” Ralph: “Noooo, we didn’t.” Ed: “Yeah, we did Ralph.” (Ralph elbows Ed.) (Later on.) Man: “Here are your taxes. You have to go to the IRS office right now. Hurry.” Ralph: “Let’s go Norton.” (They rush to the IRS office. It is now 11:59p. They approach a man in the window.) Ralph: “Here are our taxes.” Man: “They are all somewhat wet and smell.” Ed: “We took the sewer. I work in there.” (Ralph elbows Ed.) Man: “I can’t take this.” Ralph (yells): “WHAT?” Man: “I’m just messing with you. I will take them. You two are in the clear.” Ed: “Thank you. Ralph, looked like he was going to have a heart attack.” Man: “I’m surprised he hasn’t had one already.” (Some people at the office, including Ed laugh. Ralph rolls his eyes.) Ralph: “Norton, as soon as we hit that door, you better start running.” (Ed runs. Ralph runs after him.) (Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.) Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!” (Crowd cheers.)