A Honeymooners Easter:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners Easter:

(Ralph comes home.)

Ralph: “Alice, guess what.”

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: “What is it Ralph?”

Ralph: “The Raccoon Lodge is going to have an Easter celebration and me & Norton are responsible for decorating the place for Easter for the kids. They got this HUGE egg that me & Norton will paint.”

Alice: “That is great Ralph. I just hope that you two don’t make a mess.”

Ralph: “A mess? Har-har-hardee-har-har! I am a perfect painter. As a matter of fact when I was on the beach in high school, I painted portraits. The girls used to come over and see them. They were crazy about them.”

Alice: “Sure, they did. Not because they were crazy about them. They just wanted to sit in the shade of your body.”

Ralph: “Ooooooooh, you are a riot Alice. A regular riot.”

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph-ie boy! We are going to have fun painting the egg. I just hope that you don’t eat it when we are done. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(The next scene, the girls are setting the lodge up for Easter. Ralph & Ed are painting the giant egg that is hovering over the doors.)

Ralph: “Now Norton, I am telling you for the millionth time. This egg is going to be colored the way that I WANT. The egg is going to be something that Martha Stewart would love. It is going to be red with yellow polka dots.”

Ed: “I got to hand it to you Ralph. You got a KEEN sense of taste.”

(They start painting. Ed accidentally paints over Ralph’s hand. Ralph notices.)

Ralph (yells): “YOU STUPID STUPE! YOU PAINTED OVER MY HAND.”

Ed: “Sorry Ralph.”

Alice: “You boys better not cause a riot here.”

Ralph: “We won’t. Norton, get that whole jug of paint and put it on top of the ladder.”

Ed: “Ralph, that is very dangerous.”

Ralph: “All right yellowbelly. I will do it.”

Ed: “Wait, are you sure that that ladder will hold all your weight and the jug. It’s a shock that that ladder holds you.”

Ralph (yells): “OOOOOOOOOOOOOH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON!”

(Ralph gets the jug of paint and puts it on top of Ed’s ladder. Ralph goes back down.)

(Ed accidentally spills the whole jug of paint all over Ralph and the floor and Ralph’s ladder.)

Ed: “So sorry Ralph. At least now, the ladder and floor got a brand new paint job.”

Ralph (yells): “PUT ‘EM UP NORTON! LET’S GO! LET’S GO! PUT ‘EM UP NORTON!”

(Everyone tries to separate them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. He is cleaning the paint all off him. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Fortuately, that paint wasn’t permanent. Ha! Ha! Ha! I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter and the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)