Only in America can this happen: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

JT · 05-04-2002, 12:06 AM

I was reading a post at another message board.I burst out laughing till I started crying.Here it is:1. Only in America. . . . can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.

2. Only in America. . . . . . are there handicap parking places in
front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America. . . . . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the
way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America. . . . . . do people order double cheese burgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America. . . . . . do banks leave both doors open and then
chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America. . . . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of
dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America. . . . . . do we use answering machines to screen
calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone
we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America. . . . . . do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America. . . . . . do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many'
and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America. . . . . . do they have drive-up
ATM machines with Braille lettering.

In case you needed further proof that the human race
is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
[Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like
regular soap. " [And that would be how. . . ?]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
suggestions: Defrost." [Hello!]

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of
box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be
hot after heating". [As sure as night follows day . . .]

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
clothes on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive
a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
[We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off
those forklifts.]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". [Hello!]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
he other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [Hello!]

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. " [Step 3: Fly Delta]

14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame
the company. I do blame parents for this one!]

15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop
chain with your hands or genitals". [Was there a chance of this
happening somewhere? . . . . . Good grief!

Mossopp · 05-04-2002, 07:30 AM

Just for the record, numbers 4, 5, 6, 7 and 9 apply to Britain too.

InspectorExstead · 05-05-2002, 12:14 AM

that was funny..esp. the bank one...lol.

Hollow · 05-05-2002, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JT
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. " [Step 3: Fly Delta]

I woulda never guessed....

Notorious · 05-05-2002, 01:12 AM

nevamind

Ewan's My Man · 05-05-2002, 10:22 AM

Central Perk · 05-05-2002, 06:09 PM

I know another one at some fast food restaurants they have a sign that says ask about our picture menus.....and what is the purpose of the pictures in the first place?

Czas na Zywiec · 05-05-2002, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Must See TV
I know another one at some fast food restaurants they have a sign that says ask about our picture menus.....and what is the purpose of the pictures in the first place?

Well to see what the food looks like before you order it. I've ordered something once that I didn't know what it looked like like, but it sounded tasty. Needlaess to say, I only go to buffets now.

And Ben, you changed the pic in your siggy! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I LOVE Weekend Update!

05-04-2002, 12:06 AM	#1
JT Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 29, 2001 Location: USA Posts: 7,223	Only in America can this happen: I was reading a post at another message board.I burst out laughing till I started crying.Here it is:1. Only in America. . . . can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America. . . . . . are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America. . . . . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America. . . . . . do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America. . . . . . do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America. . . . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America. . . . . . do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America. . . . . . do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America. . . . . . do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America. . . . . . do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair] 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special] 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap. " [And that would be how. . . ?] 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." [Hello!] 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!] 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". [As sure as night follows day . . .] 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?] 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.] 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". [Hello!] 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?] 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for he other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious]. 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [Hello!] 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. " [Step 3: Fly Delta] 14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!] 15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". [Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? . . . . . Good grief!
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05-04-2002, 07:30 AM	#2
Mossopp asleep at the wheel Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 30, 2000 Location: Helensburgh, Scotland Posts: 3,726	Not only in America.... Just for the record, numbers 4, 5, 6, 7 and 9 apply to Britain too.
	__________________ "Heavy metal has been my life since I was 10 years old. It's the only thing I know, it's the only thing I care about." Dimebag Darrell, 1966 - 2004

05-05-2002, 12:14 AM	#3
InspectorExstead Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Oct 29, 2001 Location: The Golden State Posts: 12,902	that was funny..esp. the bank one...lol.
	__________________ They killed my sister because she asked: "Where is my vote?" http://sosiran.com/ http://tapeshhd.com/index.php

05-05-2002, 01:12 AM	#5
Notorious Member Senior Member Join Date: Dec 13, 2001 Location: Sunnydale, CA --- and I actually registered at sitcomsonline July 25th, 2001 Posts: 1,494	nevamind
	__________________ <center> My World, By~~: Avril Lavigne http://www.tvlinksonline.com/boards/...&postid=424095 Can't help if I space in a daze, My eyes tune out the other way, I may switch off and go in a daydream, In this head my thoughts are deep, Sometimes I can't even speak, Will someone be and not pretend? I'm off again in my World Last edited by Notorious; 05-05-2002 at 01:17 AM.

05-05-2002, 10:22 AM	#6
Ewan's My Man I'll Cover You Forum Veteran Join Date: Sep 29, 2001 Location: Beneath the opera house... Posts: 5,682
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05-05-2002, 06:09 PM	#7
Central Perk ~~~~~ Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 10, 2002 Posts: 4,553	I know another one at some fast food restaurants they have a sign that says ask about our picture menus.....and what is the purpose of the pictures in the first place?