A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 03-14-2017, 08:45 AM

A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day:

(Ralph comes home. Alice is in the kitchen.)

Ralph: “Hey Alice! We are going to be richer.”

Alice: “What scheme did you think of this time? What brainfart did you think up this time?”

Ralph: “Alice, this is no brainfart. Joe the Bartender’s bar is having a contest on St. Patrick’s Day. The first person to throw the dart at the bullseye wins $500. Now, you know that I have perfect hand eye coordination and I will win.”

Alice: “You do? How about the times when you bowled last night? All your balls were gutter balls. That has to go in the Guiness Book of World Records.”

Ralph: “Ooooh, you will never let that go, will you?”

(Ed comes down. Crowd applauds.)

Ed: “Whaddaya say there Kramdens?”

Ralph: “Norton, guess what? I am in a contest down at Joe The Bartender’s bar on St. Patty’s Day.”

Ed: “I’m in that contest too. It’s a bullseye contest.”

(A pause.)

Ralph: “Yooooooooou sneak.”

Ed: “Whaddaya mean?”

Ralph: “You stole my idea.”

Ed: “You could I do it? I didn’t know about this idea until now.”

Ralph: “Norton, I WILL win.”

Ed: “No, I will.”

Alice: “Oh, will you two stop acting like little babies?”

Ralph: “I’m not a baby. HE IS.”

Ed (sarcastically): “I’m A BABY?”

Ralph: “Yes, you are.”

Ed: “Well, on that note, I will see you on St. Patty’s Day Ralph. Hope you won’t eat all the cornbeef and cabbage.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(At Joe The Bartender’s bar on St. Patty’s Day, Ralph & Ed are in line to play the bullseye game. They are in front. Due to special effects, Jackie appears as BOTH Joe and Ralph.)

Joe: “It’s time Mr. Dennehy for us to meet our next contestant, Mr. Ralph Kramden. Here is the dart.”

Ralph: “Thank you.”

(Ralph drops it. Ed picks it up and hands it to Ralph.)

Ralph: “Thank you Norton.” (feeling the pin, yells): “OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!” (normally): “This is sharp.”

Ed: “Ralph, a dart is not chicken noodles. I bet you would like to eat them now.”

Ralph (yells): “OOOOOOOH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON! NOW WATCH THE MASTER AT WORK.”

(Ralph throws and it misses the bullseye board. People laugh.)

Joe: “Mr. Kramden, I never had a contestant do that in all my year here. Time for Mr. Norton.”

(Ed warms up and throws. He hits the bullseye.)

Joe: “The winner is Mr. Ed Norton.”

Ed (starting to cry): “Thank you. Now, I can afford all the DVDs of Spongebob Squarepants.”

(Ralph & Ed get into a fight that is separated by the wives.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. In all my years of show business, I never had to use special effects. Mmmmmm boy, are they a dan-dan-dandy. Once again, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT.”

(Crowd cheers.)

03-14-2017, 08:45 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,094	A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: (Ralph comes home. Alice is in the kitchen.) Ralph: “Hey Alice! We are going to be richer.” Alice: “What scheme did you think of this time? What brainfart did you think up this time?” Ralph: “Alice, this is no brainfart. Joe the Bartender’s bar is having a contest on St. Patrick’s Day. The first person to throw the dart at the bullseye wins $500. Now, you know that I have perfect hand eye coordination and I will win.” Alice: “You do? How about the times when you bowled last night? All your balls were gutter balls. That has to go in the Guiness Book of World Records.” Ralph: “Ooooh, you will never let that go, will you?” (Ed comes down. Crowd applauds.) Ed: “Whaddaya say there Kramdens?” Ralph: “Norton, guess what? I am in a contest down at Joe The Bartender’s bar on St. Patty’s Day.” Ed: “I’m in that contest too. It’s a bullseye contest.” (A pause.) Ralph: “Yooooooooou sneak.” Ed: “Whaddaya mean?” Ralph: “You stole my idea.” Ed: “You could I do it? I didn’t know about this idea until now.” Ralph: “Norton, I WILL win.” Ed: “No, I will.” Alice: “Oh, will you two stop acting like little babies?” Ralph: “I’m not a baby. HE IS.” Ed (sarcastically): “I’m A BABY?” Ralph: “Yes, you are.” Ed: “Well, on that note, I will see you on St. Patty’s Day Ralph. Hope you won’t eat all the cornbeef and cabbage.” Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!” (Ed leaves.) (At Joe The Bartender’s bar on St. Patty’s Day, Ralph & Ed are in line to play the bullseye game. They are in front. Due to special effects, Jackie appears as BOTH Joe and Ralph.) Joe: “It’s time Mr. Dennehy for us to meet our next contestant, Mr. Ralph Kramden. Here is the dart.” Ralph: “Thank you.” (Ralph drops it. Ed picks it up and hands it to Ralph.) Ralph: “Thank you Norton.” (feeling the pin, yells): “OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!” (normally): “This is sharp.” Ed: “Ralph, a dart is not chicken noodles. I bet you would like to eat them now.” Ralph (yells): “OOOOOOOH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON! NOW WATCH THE MASTER AT WORK.” (Ralph throws and it misses the bullseye board. People laugh.) Joe: “Mr. Kramden, I never had a contestant do that in all my year here. Time for Mr. Norton.” (Ed warms up and throws. He hits the bullseye.) Joe: “The winner is Mr. Ed Norton.” Ed (starting to cry): “Thank you. Now, I can afford all the DVDs of Spongebob Squarepants.” (Ralph & Ed get into a fight that is separated by the wives.) (Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.) Jackie: "Thank you. In all my years of show business, I never had to use special effects. Mmmmmm boy, are they a dan-dan-dandy. Once again, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT.” (Crowd cheers.)