A Honeymooners Halloween:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners Halloween:

(Ralph & Ed meet on in the lobby of an Italian Hotel called The Hotel Grande. The Kramdens and Nortons are on vacation in Europe.)

Ralph: “Hey Norton, I heard that there is a nightclub having a dance tonight.”

Ed: “I got my Halloween costume. I am going as Spongebob Squarepants.”

Ralph: “Mine is a mystery to you and the girls. We are meeting the girls at the nightclub.”

Ed: “What a fun time we are going to have.”

Ralph: “This is going to be the first time we are celebrating Halloween on vacation. Oh boy! What fun we are going to have…except for the fact that we are running into Alice’s parents. I sooo wish I show Alice’s Mom who’s boss.”

Ed: “Forget about her and think about how we are going to celebrate Halloween on vacation for the first time ever.”

(They both sing a song about celebrating Halloween on vacation in a foreign country.)

(Later on, Ed comes down dressed as Spongebob Squarepants. He gets strange looks from people.)

Ralph (yells from bathroom): “GET READY! I’M COMING DOWN!”

(Ralph comes down dressed as the Man From Space. Here are the things that Ralph uses as his costume: It consists of a saucepan, which he is using as a hat, the handle protruding from the back of his neck. On top of the saucepan is a light bulb which is going on and off. The icebox door is strapped around his neck and chest like a shield. It's studded with knobs he took off the bureau and three small flashlight bulbs, which also keep going on and off. Also on the icebox door is the kitchen faucet, which is attached up high with the spout facing Ralph's chin. Beneath all of this paraphernalia he wears a sweatshirt with a turtle neck collar. For pants he wears the bottoms of a pair of striped pajamas. These are tucked into shin -high galoshes. On his hands he wears a pair of thick gardening gloves. In his right hand he carries a homemade ray gun, which consists of a funnel attached to a handle of a compass saw. Over his eyes he has a huge pair of dark goggles. Ralph has a wide motorcycle rider's belt around his waist, from which flares a knee-length tunic made out of a plastic shower curtain.)

(People look at Ralph as if he’s weird.)

Ralph: “Can you see the faces on them in the nightclub when I walk in with this? What do you think?”

Man (with Italian accent): “Sir, you two are nuts.”

Ralph: “Never mind him. Let’s go.”

(They go to the nightclub. It’s actually a normal dance. The girls [with Alice’s Mom] see them.)

Alice: “Ralph & Ed, what do you think you are doing?”

Ralph: “It’s Halloween. Everybody goes masquerading on Halloween.”

Alice’s Mom (yells): “ITALY DOESN’T CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN!”

(Alice’s Dad comes by.)

Alice’s Dad: “I hope we are not too late for the eats.”

Alice’s Mom (yells): “NO, YOU ARE NOT. YOU CERTAINLY AREN’T LATE TO SEE MY BIG, FAT, DUMB, BLOB OF A SON-IN-LAW AND HIS PAL MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF.”

Ralph (yells): “YOOOOOOOOOOOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH! A BLAB-ER-MOUTH!”

Ed (stifling laughter): “Big, fat, dumb, BLOB of a son-in-law.”

Ralph (yells): “YOU TWO NORTON! PUT’ EM UP!”

(Everyone tries to separate them and make peace.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Happy Halloween!”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “As usual, the Miami Beach Halloweens are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)