The Bible is so entertaining!

[Janice Johnson]

Seriously, the bible makes very good entertainment!

Let's see.

A Husband and wife steal from God!:O WTF?

A normally mild mannered man goes bat crazy when a bunch of strangers open up a store in one of his father's houses and he beats them with whips and thrashes the store and even flips over the cash registers! This so would go Viral on Youtube! Lol!

A brother sells his birthright for porridge and bread! Lol! Dummy!

Two sisters marry the same man who happens to be their cousin and even have children with him! This is some damn Jerry Springer stuff going on here! WTF!

A man runs around constantly with his 12 male Entourage who worship him as if he is a Rock Star.

A woman literally living in peaceful paradise falls for the first scam in History when a talking serpent convinces her to eat a fruit that he assured her would make her wise. Well,it made her wise, but it also got her kicked out of the paradise as she was told by the owner to NEVER eat that fruit. So she ended up working hard in a dreary location and existence! Dummy!

A nice, chaste, good woman became pregnant with absolutely NO sperm going into her. God just literally put the baby in her! Her Husband was getting ready to divorce her when he saw her pregnant thinking that she had cheated around because they had never had sex, but God was like ,"No, do not divorce her. I magically put the baby in her because she is so good. She did not cheat on you. It's all cool. And the Husband was like,"Okay, cool, God!"

Three men were thrown into a burning furnance to be burned to death, but they all miraculously get out, harm free, not even a single burn mark on them. Holy crap! That's some kind of "How the hell did they not get burned at all?" Viral Facebook Hot topic stuff!

A king orders all male babies under two to be killed just because he heard a rumor that a baby would become a heralded King in the future and knock him off his throne. What a Jerk! Being insecure of a BABY! A BABY! He eventually finds out who the destined future Heralded King is, and tries to scam people to let him get near the precious Baby by claiming he "wants to give him presents and worship him", but he really wants to kill him, but there is an Alert that went out saying,"Do NOT let this man anywhere near the precious baby! He will be a danger to the precious baby!" He is told to stay the hell away from the baby!

A rich man has two sons. When the sons grow up, the younger son claims he wants his inheritance NOW! The father gives him his inheritance and the soon moves out, drinking, having sex with prostitutes and gambling, living his life up, and within a short time, he has blown away his inheritance and is broke as hell, feeling sorry for himself, lamenting that even pigs have something to eat while his belly is rumbling with hunger.

He decides to go back home to beg his father to hire him to work for him to grovel so he has some kind of food to eat. When he gets home, his father is delighted to see him and embraces him and throws him a big welcoming party filled with great food and lively music! The other son who stayed loyal to his father is like,"What the hell? I have stayed with you all my life and you never even gave me a cow to eat! But you throw this degenerate who left you as soon as he got the inheritance a party when he comes crawling back to you after he blew his inheritance away a huge party? What is wrong with you, sucker?" The father answers that he is just happy that what was once lost is now back home.

A man sold his friend out for $30! What a Jerk!

There is a worldwide 40 day and 40 night flood! Only one lucky family and some animals are hand picked to be put in a weather proof boathouse to survive the massive flood where everyone else who is not in the boathouse drowns to death!

A woman continously askes her impossibly strong boyfriend what his "strength" secret is for her own personal gain,but he lies to her and she falls for it more than once. Eventually she has enough and is like,"Look, if you really loved me, you would tell me what your real strength secret is!" He eventually tells her the real secret to his impossible strength. It is in his hair. So, the wench has people cut his hair off and he is now some weakling who is sold off into slavery while she smirks while he is probably thinking,"That Wench played me for a fool! I should have dumped her a long time ago.!" He ends up being a laughingstock in the community and having had enough at a party where they were laughing at him like a joke, he asked God to give him "just another touch if strength." God granted him that and he uses the strength to stop their laughter permeanantly by causing pillars to fall on both the laughers and himself! Wow, what a Drama Tragedy!


There is some dude who can bring the dead back to life, make the blind see, the mute speak, the deaf hear, the lame walk, turn water into wine, turn two loaves of bread and 3 small fish (that was really one boy's lunch) into enough food to give a crowd of 5,000 people NOT INCLUDING women and children, the 5,000 amount was just the men, so it could have been a crowd of 100,000 for all we could know enough to get them all filled up with food, plus there was still baskets left of leftover food. He can WALK ON WATER. WALK ON WATER. He also died for other people's crimes and was brought back to life himself just two days later. This guy is awesome! Get him a Reality show, pronto!

There is a huge party going on, lots of food, laughter, and merriment, when all of a sudden, a disembodied hand starts writing on the wall out of nowhere writing something like,"Enjoy your party now, because your lives are going to end soon!" Everyone is now understandably freaked out like,"Holy crap! Where the hell did that come from!" The mood is now somber and melancholy.

Two woman who recently gave birth to newborns are about to do some real knock out drag out brawl fighting because one woman's baby died in the night while they both slept and she had the nerve to steal the other woman's living baby and put the dead baby in the other woman's bed, so naturally the other woman is like,"Wench, what kind if Bs you trying to pull. You better give me back my son and go bury your dead son!" The other woman(the dead baby's mother)is like,"Your ass knows that it's your son who died, not mine!"

before this gets really nasty a judge decides to listen to both sides of the story and offers a drastic, but very well thought out solution. "Why don't I just split the living baby in half and you can both have half of him! The mother who is not the mother of the living baby coldly says,"Fine with me! Go ahead and do it," while the mother of the living baby says, "No! Do not split him in half! Let her keep him whole and living! I'd rather have him with her alive then have half a dead baby!" The judge realizes that she is the mother of the living baby and awards him to her!

The bible really is entertaining!

[Wawwie]

Originally Posted by Janice Johnson

The bible really is entertaining!

You must also like Aesop's fables.... also very entertaining as most fiction is meant to be.

[Crusinforabrusin]

Lucky for you that you find it entertaining! I'm one of those people that have trouble reading the Bible because it's really boring and slow.

[MrCleveland]

Originally Posted by Family Matters

Lucky for you that you find it entertaining! I'm one of those people that have trouble reading the Bible because it's really boring and slow.

It gets slow by the book of Leviticus. 1 Chronicles starts slow as well with all those names!

[shotzette]

You forgot Lot's daughters who had the brilliant idea of "Let's get Dad drunk so he can knock us up". Yeah, no downside to that plan...

Originally Posted by Janice Johnson

Seriously, the bible makes very good entertainment!

Let's see.

A Husband and wife steal from God!:O WTF?

A normally mild mannered man goes bat crazy when a bunch of strangers open up a store in one of his father's houses and he beats them with whips and thrashes the store and even flips over the cash registers! This so would go Viral on Youtube! Lol!

A brother sells his birthright for porridge and bread! Lol! Dummy!

Two sisters marry the same man who happens to be their cousin and even have children with him! This is some damn Jerry Springer stuff going on here! WTF!

A man runs around constantly with his 12 male Entourage who worship him as if he is a Rock Star.

A woman literally living in peaceful paradise falls for the first scam in History when a talking serpent convinces her to eat a fruit that he assured her would make her wise. Well,it made her wise, but it also got her kicked out of the paradise as she was told by the owner to NEVER eat that fruit. So she ended up working hard in a dreary location and existence! Dummy!

A nice, chaste, good woman became pregnant with absolutely NO sperm going into her. God just literally put the baby in her! Her Husband was getting ready to divorce her when he saw her pregnant thinking that she had cheated around because they had never had sex, but God was like ,"No, do not divorce her. I magically put the baby in her because she is so good. She did not cheat on you. It's all cool. And the Husband was like,"Okay, cool, God!"

Three men were thrown into a burning furnance to be burned to death, but they all miraculously get out, harm free, not even a single burn mark on them. Holy crap! That's some kind of "How the hell did they not get burned at all?" Viral Facebook Hot topic stuff!

A king orders all male babies under two to be killed just because he heard a rumor that a baby would become a heralded King in the future and knock him off his throne. What a Jerk! Being insecure of a BABY! A BABY! He eventually finds out who the destined future Heralded King is, and tries to scam people to let him get near the precious Baby by claiming he "wants to give him presents and worship him", but he really wants to kill him, but there is an Alert that went out saying,"Do NOT let this man anywhere near the precious baby! He will be a danger to the precious baby!" He is told to stay the hell away from the baby!

A rich man has two sons. When the sons grow up, the younger son claims he wants his inheritance NOW! The father gives him his inheritance and the soon moves out, drinking, having sex with prostitutes and gambling, living his life up, and within a short time, he has blown away his inheritance and is broke as hell, feeling sorry for himself, lamenting that even pigs have something to eat while his belly is rumbling with hunger.

He decides to go back home to beg his father to hire him to work for him to grovel so he has some kind of food to eat. When he gets home, his father is delighted to see him and embraces him and throws him a big welcoming party filled with great food and lively music! The other son who stayed loyal to his father is like,"What the hell? I have stayed with you all my life and you never even gave me a cow to eat! But you throw this degenerate who left you as soon as he got the inheritance a party when he comes crawling back to you after he blew his inheritance away a huge party? What is wrong with you, sucker?" The father answers that he is just happy that what was once lost is now back home.

A man sold his friend out for $30! What a Jerk!

There is a worldwide 40 day and 40 night flood! Only one lucky family and some animals are hand picked to be put in a weather proof boathouse to survive the massive flood where everyone else who is not in the boathouse drowns to death!

A woman continously askes her impossibly strong boyfriend what his "strength" secret is for her own personal gain,but he lies to her and she falls for it more than once. Eventually she has enough and is like,"Look, if you really loved me, you would tell me what your real strength secret is!" He eventually tells her the real secret to his impossible strength. It is in his hair. So, the wench has people cut his hair off and he is now some weakling who is sold off into slavery while she smirks while he is probably thinking,"That Wench played me for a fool! I should have dumped her a long time ago.!" He ends up being a laughingstock in the community and having had enough at a party where they were laughing at him like a joke, he asked God to give him "just another touch if strength." God granted him that and he uses the strength to stop their laughter permeanantly by causing pillars to fall on both the laughers and himself! Wow, what a Drama Tragedy!


There is some dude who can bring the dead back to life, make the blind see, the mute speak, the deaf hear, the lame walk, turn water into wine, turn two loaves of bread and 3 small fish (that was really one boy's lunch) into enough food to give a crowd of 5,000 people NOT INCLUDING women and children, the 5,000 amount was just the men, so it could have been a crowd of 100,000 for all we could know enough to get them all filled up with food, plus there was still baskets left of leftover food. He can WALK ON WATER. WALK ON WATER. He also died for other people's crimes and was brought back to life himself just two days later. This guy is awesome! Get him a Reality show, pronto!

There is a huge party going on, lots of food, laughter, and merriment, when all of a sudden, a disembodied hand starts writing on the wall out of nowhere writing something like,"Enjoy your party now, because your lives are going to end soon!" Everyone is now understandably freaked out like,"Holy crap! Where the hell did that come from!" The mood is now somber and melancholy.

Two woman who recently gave birth to newborns are about to do some real knock out drag out brawl fighting because one woman's baby died in the night while they both slept and she had the nerve to steal the other woman's living baby and put the dead baby in the other woman's bed, so naturally the other woman is like,"Wench, what kind if Bs you trying to pull. You better give me back my son and go bury your dead son!" The other woman(the dead baby's mother)is like,"Your ass knows that it's your son who died, not mine!"

before this gets really nasty a judge decides to listen to both sides of the story and offers a drastic, but very well thought out solution. "Why don't I just split the living baby in half and you can both have half of him! The mother who is not the mother of the living baby coldly says,"Fine with me! Go ahead and do it," while the mother of the living baby says, "No! Do not split him in half! Let her keep him whole and living! I'd rather have him with her alive then have half a dead baby!" The judge realizes that she is the mother of the living baby and awards him to her!

The bible really is entertaining!

[IllinoisTVFan]

Originally Posted by shotzette

You forgot Lot's daughters who had the brilliant idea of "Let's get Dad drunk so he can knock us up". Yeah, no downside to that plan...

They are now known as Jerry Springer guests.

Seriously though, the bible can be pornographic at points. I read it in its entirety a few years ago and some parts are porn and violent.

[MrCleveland]

Originally Posted by IllinoisTVFan

They are now known as Jerry Springer guests.

Seriously though, the bible can be pornographic at points. I read it in its entirety a few years ago and some parts are porn and violent.

The story of David, Uriah, and Bathsheba could be a soap opera episode!

David sees Uriah's wife Bathsheba naked and he sleeps with her. David has Uriah drunk then he dies in battle! I'm surprised that the story of King David isn't a film yet...I'm sure It'll have a restricted rating because of sex, violence, and nudity.

[Janice Johnson]

Shozette, yes, Lot's daughters raping him to get him to father their children was gross(Lot is now their childrens' father and grandfather, eew to the ninth eew but Lot offered to let a crowd of male strangers rape his then virgin daughters! :O That family was really creepy!

[MrCleveland]

The ending of Noah's story didn't end with his family getting-off the boat and rebuilding civilization...

Noah made wine, passed-out nude (he was 600 years old... ) and after the first hangover...he yells at Ham's family!

I even read about flood stories of ancient civilizations...many first passed the story orally!

[IllinoisTVFan]

Originally Posted by MrCleveland

The story of David, Uriah, and Bathsheba could be a soap opera episode!

David sees Uriah's wife Bathsheba naked and he sleeps with her. David has Uriah drunk then he dies in battle! I'm surprised that the story of King David isn't a film yet...I'm sure It'll have a restricted rating because of sex, violence, and nudity.

That's is so true. That could be a full blown porn movie. I'm surprised no one has created pornographic bible stories.

[Furienna]

How funny that I should see this thread now, just when I'm in the middle of re-reading "The Picture Bible" by Iva Hoth and André LeBlanc. Yes, many of these Bible stories might sound funny or unjust to a modern audience. Things would have been different two thousand years ago though.