My friend smells

[Wawwie]

I have a friend who smells like pee. He smells really bad and it's gotten gradually worse. I think it's pretty safe to assume that my friend has some bladder issues, but he is in total denial. A few other close friends and some family members tried to gently urge my friend to start wearing adult diapers, but he refuses. He swears he does not have any prostate or bladder issues and continues to blame his smelliness on the poor dog. My friend insists that he smells because his dog piddles on him if he's not let outside right away. I know my friend is lying. He really pissed me off when he left a pee puddle on my couch and tried to blame it on my cat!
So my question is: should I end my friendship with my smelly and delusional friend who is in serious denial? Or should I continue to suffer with someone who smells worse than a public toilet and refuses to rectify the situation?

[1960'sTVfan]

Are you being serious, or did you post this as a joke to see what type of responses you get?

In the event you're serious, my suggestion is to be helpful as possible to your friend, he might be embarrassed and that's why he won't admit there's a problem. If he continues to smell and insists there isn't a problem and won't do anything about it, then maybe you should consider ending the friendship because no one wants to be around a person who smells like pee all the time.

Maybe your friend needs a wake up call. If you say you're ending the friendship unless he fixes the problem, if he values you as a friend then I imagine he'll do something about it.

[Wawwie]

Originally Posted by retroTVfan4ever

Are you being serious, or did you post this as a joke to see what type of responses you get?

Did it seem like I was joking?
Why in the world would I make this up?
I was being totally serious as I am at my wits end which is why I posted this. I was wondering if anyone else had some advice.

[Svenfan1234]

Maybe you shouldn't post on here. Maybe he doesn't want you to do that.

It's just going to complicate things. Shows that you two aren't good friends at all

[Wawwie]

Originally Posted by Svenfan1234

Maybe you shouldn't post on here. Maybe he doesn't want you to do that.

It's just going to complicate things. Shows that you two aren't good friends at all

Maybe I kinda don't care if he sees this and realizes it's about him as this would be a wake up call.

[1960'sTVfan]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Did it seem like I was joking?
Why in the world would I make this up?
I was being totally serious as I am at my wits end which is why I posted this. I was wondering if anyone else had some advice.

I gave you good advice, but I'll make sure not to waste time with you anymore. You aren't a nice person, typical New Yorker, you can go stuff it.

[Svenfan1234]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Maybe I kinda don't care if he sees this and realizes it's about him as this would be a wake up call.

Still, you shouldn't post things like this on here about other people.

[Zoneboy]

Originally Posted by Svenfan1234

Still, you shouldn't post things like this on here about other people.

It's not like she gave out his name & address.

[shotzette]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

So my question is: should I end my friendship with my smelly and delusional friend who is in serious denial? Or should I continue to suffer with someone who smells worse than a public toilet and refuses to rectify the situation?

I wouldn't end the friendship, but I would bring it up the next time you smell urine around him. Providing you two are alone, that is. I wouldn't bring other people in on this. You also might not want to have him over at your house until he gets things under control. If he asks why, be truthful.

[Bonniegirl]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

I have a friend who smells like pee. He smells really bad and it's gotten gradually worse. I think it's pretty safe to assume that my friend has some bladder issues, but he is in total denial. A few other close friends and some family members tried to gently urge my friend to start wearing adult diapers, but he refuses. He swears he does not have any prostate or bladder issues and continues to blame his smelliness on the poor dog. My friend insists that he smells because his dog piddles on him if he's not let outside right away. I know my friend is lying. He really pissed me off when he left a pee puddle on my couch and tried to blame it on my cat!
So my question is: should I end my friendship with my smelly and delusional friend who is in serious denial? Or should I continue to suffer with someone who smells worse than a public toilet and refuses to rectify the situation?

Wow!!! First off is this an elderly man? This is a more common issue with women, even women not very old but middle age of menopausal age!

I'm hoping your friend isn't having prostate or bladder issues and If he's in denial out of embarrassment it could go too far and be life threatening! If he's a man who isn't very old, it could be prostate, bladder or kidney cancer! If it's an older man, well as I say I haven't heard of this in older men but it's common in middle aged menopausal women and old women!

I would strongly suggest that you talk him into getting medical attention, Not because of the smelling bad issue , but the other reasons I stated!

OK now I'll get down to it, I'll lay my cards on the table here!!! I'm starting menopause and within the last year or so, when I laugh hard or sneeze sometimes I leak urine!!! Not to the point that I pee myself, but I mean it gets in my underwear and I change the panties and clean myself right away! I have older (girl) friends that go through this too!

But if your friend is to the extent that you say and he is in denial, like I said, this is more common with women than men unless he is REALLY old! (My husband has nothing like this going on ,but as you all have read I do a little to some extent ) ! The poor guy REALLY might have a medical condition!

Wawwie! You can't abandon this guy because he smells bad and he's in denial, he needs to know the medical facts and that he might really be very ill! Stand by him and encourage him to seek medical help!

[Wawwie]

Originally Posted by Bonniegirl

Wawwie! You can't abandon this guy because he smells bad and he's in denial, he needs to know the medical facts and that he might really be very ill! Stand by him and encourage him to seek medical help!

I do feel bad because I can tell that he must have some kind of medical condition. That's why me, our friends and some of his family members urged him to start wearing incontinence garments and also go to the doctor ASAP for a check-up. But what's so frustrating is that my friend refuses to go to the doctor or do anything to help his bladder issues. It's very difficult for me to watch my friend allow himself to deteriorate. He will not do anything to help himself and it's destructive. I have known him for most of my life. He's only 51 and he's experiencing these medical issues that are only getting worse over time. I just wish he would do something to help himself. I'm beginning to get very angry with him and it makes me not want to be around him. A lot of us (friends and family) feel this way.

[OH Nuts!]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

I do feel bad because I can tell that he must have some kind of medical condition. That's why me, our friends and some of his family members urged him to start wearing incontinence garments and also go to the doctor ASAP for a check-up. But what's so frustrating is that my friend refuses to go to the doctor or do anything to help his bladder issues. It's very difficult for me to watch my friend allow himself to deteriorate. He will not do anything to help himself and it's destructive. I have known him for most of my life. He's only 51 and he's experiencing these medical issues that are only getting worse over time. I just wish he would do something to help himself. I'm beginning to get very angry with him and it makes me not want to be around him. A lot of us (friends and family) feel this way.

I really sympathize with you wawwie. Maybe he's afraid of what the doctor will find. Poor guy, from what you tell me, he probably knows deep down something is amiss. I wish I had some kind of magic answer, but maybe if a group of concerned friends/relatives who really love him do some type of intervention. I'd Google for some kind of support group for people dealing with loved ones with serious issues. And/Or if you can afford it, maybe talking this out with a therapist specializing in caretaker issues, or a clergy person (if you follow a faith) could help.

I'm just another bozo on the bus, but if it were me, I'd confront him GENTLY. I'd tell him because I love you so much I just can't sit by any more: you need to see a doctor NOW. I have a friend who had problems too, but he went right to a doctor, and in his case it turned out to be an EARLY stage of prostate cancer. But he's doing quite well. The incontinence could be caused by a host of other things too. But he needs to GET HELP. The hard part is you may have to risk him hating you and stop being your friend. But since you seem to be at your wit's end, perhaps this outcome may not be that unnerving for you.

AND I can empathize with his fear. For years my doctor has been nagging me to get a colonoscopy. But I was so terrified of the procedure I kept putting it off. FINALLY my doctor really laid it on the line: GET THIS DONE NOW (Iwas 59) and he called the receptionist and had her make an sppointment. I had to talk to 25-30 people to get up the courage to do it. And you know what? It turned out to be no big deal, and I felt like such a weenie afterwards. And they found a polyp; had I kept putting it off that polyp could have turned cancerous.

Good luck wawwie. All you can do is ask for professional guidance. The bottom line is that old adage "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" though sometimes you have to take his head and give it a big fat dunk into the water to get the message across.

[Bonniegirl]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

I do feel bad because I can tell that he must have some kind of medical condition. That's why me, our friends and some of his family members urged him to start wearing incontinence garments and also go to the doctor ASAP for a check-up. But what's so frustrating is that my friend refuses to go to the doctor or do anything to help his bladder issues. It's very difficult for me to watch my friend allow himself to deteriorate. He will not do anything to help himself and it's destructive. I have known him for most of my life. He's only 51 and he's experiencing these medical issues that are only getting worse over time. I just wish he would do something to help himself. I'm beginning to get very angry with him and it makes me not want to be around him. A lot of us (friends and family) feel this way.

Oh Jeez! 51 years old only! That is not at all normal for a man that age, esp. to the extent you are saying. Something is really wrong, if he's at the stage where he smells from it and it's getting on the couch and all! Wow!

He really is in denial, and I'm surprised he is putting up with it! And wondering if he has any pain? If not now, he might soon. Well maybe than he will do something about it and see a doctor. Hoping it won't be too late!

[MrCleveland]

All I know that if I was that guy...I would see a doctor right away!

My grandfather took water pills in his autumn years (late 70's-early 80's) and sometimes he'd smell like urine...it wasn't strong, but he refused to wear Depends. I know if it was me, I'd freak-out!

I know I should see a doctor as well because sometimes I get not heartburn, but a salivary problem by my neck...it might be my tonsils.

[HuntingtonM15]

Yikes. Since he doesn't seem like he wants help or will change, I personally would probably start hanging out with him less and less until the friendship is basically nonexistent. It might sound harsh, but you shouldn't have to put up with that.