A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 03-14-2016, 08:19 AM

A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day:

(Ralph & Ed are in Ralph’s apartment.)

Ralph: “We will go to the poolroom in a minute Norton. I just want to check my mail.”

Ed: “Sure thing Ralph.”

Ralph: “Hey wait a minute Norton. It says here that one guy just gave me a check for $10,000,000. All I have to do is cash it in at the bank…Huminahuminahumina.”

Ed: “Ralph, this is your ticket out of here. It’s a great St. Patty’s Day present. The check is even in gold.”

Ralph: “This will be great. I will be a millionaire. This is my ticket out of here Norton.”

Ed: “This will be great Ralph.”

Ralph: “I will get to hobnob with all the millionaires. Poverty will seem like a bad dream. We got to go down to the bank now.”

(Alice comes in.)

Alice: “Hi Ralph. Hi Ed.”

Ralph: “Alice, guess what? We are going to be millionaires on St. Patty’s Day. I just got a gold check for $10,000,000 by some idiot. I am going to cash it in the bank and we will be rolling in dough.”

Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, our whole bank account will be wiped out. It is a scam.”

Ralph: “No, it’s not Alice. No one would do that.”

Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, you would be an idiot.”

Ralph: “You are being stupid Alice. Don’t you want to be a millionaire? Don’t
you want to have a luxury car? I guess you would be uncomfortable in a limo.”

Alice: “I am going up to Trixie’s. Bye!”

(She does.)

Ralph: “Come on Norton. Let’s go. I will show her. I am right all the time. I am the smart one in the family.”

Ed: “But…”

Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”

(They go to the bank. They are just about to get the teller to cash the check.)

Ralph: “Boy, I can just see the money now Norton. No more me living at
328 Chauncey Street.”

(They approach the teller.)

Teller: “Are you here to cash in that check?”

Ralph: “Yes. I got this check in the mail from an idiot who is giving me $10,000,000. I want to cash it in.”

Teller: “Sir, this is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out.”

Ed: “No, it isn’t. No person would do that.”

Ralph: “Yeah, I want be a millionaire. Please cash in the check.”

Teller: “All right. I will need your credit card.”

Man: “Sir, please don’t cash in that check. I can tell you from personal experience that that check is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out. It happened to me. I cashed in that check and right now I am
homeless. Please, I don’t want you to be like me. Please, don’t cash it in.”

Ralph: “Don’t scan that credit card teller. I guess Alice was right.”

(Alice comes by with Trixie.)

Alice: “Ralph, glad to see that you made the right decision.”

(Ralph & Ed leave the aisle.)

Trixie: “You two should know that those kind of checks are not ligit.”

Ralph: “You two are right. I just wanted all this money for you Alice. Can you forgive me?”

Alice: “I will.”

Ralph: “Baby, you are the greatest.”

(They hug and kiss. Everyone watches.)

Everyone (yells): “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

Ralph: “Hahaha.”

(They all sing a song about scams.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: “The cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)

Jackie: "And Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)

Jackie: “Happy St. Patty’s Day to everyone and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)

03-14-2016, 08:19 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,090	A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: (Ralph & Ed are in Ralph’s apartment.) Ralph: “We will go to the poolroom in a minute Norton. I just want to check my mail.” Ed: “Sure thing Ralph.” Ralph: “Hey wait a minute Norton. It says here that one guy just gave me a check for $10,000,000. All I have to do is cash it in at the bank…Huminahuminahumina.” Ed: “Ralph, this is your ticket out of here. It’s a great St. Patty’s Day present. The check is even in gold.” Ralph: “This will be great. I will be a millionaire. This is my ticket out of here Norton.” Ed: “This will be great Ralph.” Ralph: “I will get to hobnob with all the millionaires. Poverty will seem like a bad dream. We got to go down to the bank now.” (Alice comes in.) Alice: “Hi Ralph. Hi Ed.” Ralph: “Alice, guess what? We are going to be millionaires on St. Patty’s Day. I just got a gold check for $10,000,000 by some idiot. I am going to cash it in the bank and we will be rolling in dough.” Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, our whole bank account will be wiped out. It is a scam.” Ralph: “No, it’s not Alice. No one would do that.” Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, you would be an idiot.” Ralph: “You are being stupid Alice. Don’t you want to be a millionaire? Don’t you want to have a luxury car? I guess you would be uncomfortable in a limo.” Alice: “I am going up to Trixie’s. Bye!” (She does.) Ralph: “Come on Norton. Let’s go. I will show her. I am right all the time. I am the smart one in the family.” Ed: “But…” Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!” (They go to the bank. They are just about to get the teller to cash the check.) Ralph: “Boy, I can just see the money now Norton. No more me living at 328 Chauncey Street.” (They approach the teller.) Teller: “Are you here to cash in that check?” Ralph: “Yes. I got this check in the mail from an idiot who is giving me $10,000,000. I want to cash it in.” Teller: “Sir, this is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out.” Ed: “No, it isn’t. No person would do that.” Ralph: “Yeah, I want be a millionaire. Please cash in the check.” Teller: “All right. I will need your credit card.” Man: “Sir, please don’t cash in that check. I can tell you from personal experience that that check is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out. It happened to me. I cashed in that check and right now I am homeless. Please, I don’t want you to be like me. Please, don’t cash it in.” Ralph: “Don’t scan that credit card teller. I guess Alice was right.” (Alice comes by with Trixie.) Alice: “Ralph, glad to see that you made the right decision.” (Ralph & Ed leave the aisle.) Trixie: “You two should know that those kind of checks are not ligit.” Ralph: “You two are right. I just wanted all this money for you Alice. Can you forgive me?” Alice: “I will.” Ralph: “Baby, you are the greatest.” (They hug and kiss. Everyone watches.) Everyone (yells): “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” Ralph: “Hahaha.” (They all sing a song about scams.) (Jackie walks on stage. Audience applauds.) Jackie: “The cast. First: Jean Kean." (Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.) Jackie: "Audrey Meadows." (Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.) Jackie: "And Art Carney." (Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.) Jackie: “Happy St. Patty’s Day to everyone and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!” (Crowd cheers.)