Healthy Retired Nurse Ends her Life because "Old Age is Awful" - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

JamesG · 08-16-2015, 03:27 PM

Healthy Retired Nurse Ends her Life because "Old Age is Awful"
by Laura Donnelly, Health Editor
8/2/15

A leading palliative care nurse with no serious health problems has ended her life at a Swiss suicide clinic because she did not want to end up as a “hobbling old lady”.

Gill Pharaoh, 75, who wrote two books giving advice on how to care for the elderly, was not suffering from a terminal disease. She said she had seen enough of old age to know that she was “going over the hill” and wanted to take action to end her life while she was able to do so.

The former nurse had no major health problems, and was on no medication. She said she suffered from intermittent back pain following a bout of shingles, and had tinnitus.

Speaking before her death in Basel, the mother of two said her experience as a nurse, including working in nursing homes, had shown her that the reality of old age was “awful”.

She told The Sunday Times: “I have looked after people who are old, on and off, all my life. I have always said, ‘I am not getting old. I do not think old age is fun.’ I know that I have gone just over the hill now. It is not going to start getting better. I do not want people to remember me as a sort of old lady hobbling up the road with a trolley.

“I have got so many friends with partners who, plainly, are a liability. I know you shouldn’t say that but I have this mental picture in my head of all you need to do, at my age, is break a hip and you are likely to go very much downhill from that.”

She said her partner and children had supported her wishes, though it would not have been their choice. Her daughter, Caron, a nurse, had struggled particularly with the decision.

“It is not his [John’s] choice at all and my kids are backing me, although it is not their choice,” she said before the journey to Switzerland. “My daughter is a nurse and she said, ‘Intellectually, I know where you are coming from but emotionally I am finding it really hard,’ and I know she is.”

Pharoah said she felt she was going downhill “in an almost imperceptible way” as she grew older.

“I would rather go out when I am not quite at a peak. I have dropped off a bit but I want to be still me, recognisably me and not have people look and think, ‘Oh, are you Gill, were you Gill?” she said. “A lot of people are very good until they are 70 and then they start sloping off a bit.”

On the eve of her death, the couple wandered through the city before enjoying a meal on the banks of the Rhine.

“The whole evening was very tranquil and enjoyable,” said John. “I think it is what we both wanted. Gill had been thinking about it for years and I had no intention of spoiling it by getting emotional and heavy.”

She was accompanied to Lifecircle, the assisted-dying clinic in Basel, by her partner. John called their children after her death and a humanist memorial service, arranged by Ms. Pharoah, will take place later this month.

A spokesman for Care Not Killing, which campaigns against assisted dying, said: “This is another deeply troubling case and sends out a chilling message about how society values and looks after elderly people in the UK.”

However, Dr Michael Irwin, the co-ordinator of the Society for Old Age Rational Suicide (Soars), who helped the retired nurse with her plans to go to Switzerland, said: “Some will say that Gill was wrong to avoid the expected decrepitude of ‘old age’ but, having seen much suffering as a palliative care nurse, she took the rational decision that . . . she preferred to have a pre-emptive, doctor-assisted suicide.”

Two months before her death, Gill wrote an article, entitled "My Last Word", in which she set out her decision to end her life.

“Day by day, I am enjoying my life. I simply do not want to follow this natural deterioration through to the last stage when I may be requiring a lot of help,” she wrote.

“I have to take action early on because no one will be able to take action for me. The thought that I may need help from my children appeals me. I know many old people expect, and even demand, help from their children but I think this is a most selfish and unreasonable view.”

She said her experience as a nurse had shown her the reality of elderly life.

“If you work in a nursing home and you have people who are incontinent, who use bad language, who walk around the rooms and just take things, it is very difficult. It is not a job you enjoy,” she said.

“I just felt it was so bleak and so sad. We all did what we could but, for many of those old people, there wasn’t a lot you could do. We do not look at the reality. Generally, it is awful.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/heal...-is-awful.html

Dude111 · 08-17-2015, 03:11 AM

Thats sad but I think we can understand why she felt that way.....

JamesG · 08-20-2015, 01:12 AM

I can definitely see how her working w/ the elderly for most of her life made her feel that way, but I'm torn on this...

I'm trying to think about how I would feel if one of my folks came to me w/ this decision. My parents aren't that much younger than this lady was and I would be quite devastated if they came to me w/ wanting to die. I know of people around my age and younger who have 1 or both parents no longer around and I'm very fortunate to have them.

Do I argue w/ them about it over what I think is best (for me/them) or do I support them in their ultimate choice?

I also heard of another recent story where a 24-year-old woman w/ depression (non-terminally ill) was granted the right to end her life in Belgium. She basically said that no medication or treatment has worked for her and that she wanted to check out.

Here's that story: http://europe.newsweek.com/healthy-2...belgium-329504

These stories are causing quite a stir where euthanasia is allowed (especially in the mental health field) where non-terminally ill people are requesting it.

Penny Lane · 08-20-2015, 12:22 PM

That's sad. Well there is a saying "Old age is not for sissies". My sister is a nurse and she sees suffering everyday not just from old people but all ages. I am torn on the subject of euthanasia. I can understand it if someone is suffering terrible pain. But to kill oneself on a whim I don't think it's right. I feel the same way about abortion. Using abortion as a means of birth control is wrong in my opinion. But it's none of my business what others do . Abortion and euthanasia is a very personal decision. Legalizing Euthanasia is on dangerous ground. It can open doors for killing off old people so the government doesn't have to support their social security and medicare benefits. I see this clearly now that the "Baby Boom" generation ,which I am one and are beginning to be a large chunk of the population, are getting older. Will we start being killed off? Life is very precious and a gift.

Jaqui-Michel · 08-20-2015, 12:40 PM

There was no reason for her to end her life. She had already reached 75 with no debilitating illness and had a husband and children who loved and supported her. I could understand if she found out she had inoperable cancer or some other disease with no hope of recovery. To kill yourself when you are still a thriving "young" woman is insane.

Torgo · 08-20-2015, 01:21 PM

My parents are that age, and I'm glad they don't feel that way. They're living life to the fullest, taking trips, visiting all their grandkids, working in their yard, etc. They're an inspiration for me when I reach that age.

Flying Dutchman · 08-20-2015, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaqui-Michel

There was no reason for her to end her life. She had already reached 75 with no debilitating illness and had a husband and children who loved and supported her. I could understand if she found out she had inoperable cancer or some other disease with no hope of recovery. To kill yourself when you are still a thriving "young" woman is insane.

I agree. Suicide is selfish and it's a cowards way out. It only leaves suffering behind.

Coffeecup · 08-21-2015, 02:35 PM

That is sad. You have to have nature take it course. Working in a nursing home wasn't the easiest vision of her life. My mom worked in Nursing home but she retired well before she died. If everyone felt like this woman felt, we would all check out of life much earlier than we should.

08-16-2015, 03:27 PM	#1
JamesG Freakshow Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 01, 2008 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 57,136	Healthy Retired Nurse Ends her Life because "Old Age is Awful" *Healthy Retired Nurse Ends her Life because "Old Age is Awful"* by Laura Donnelly, Health Editor 8/2/15 A leading palliative care nurse with no serious health problems has ended her life at a Swiss suicide clinic because she did not want to end up as a “hobbling old lady”. Gill Pharaoh, 75, who wrote two books giving advice on how to care for the elderly, was not suffering from a terminal disease. She said she had seen enough of old age to know that she was “going over the hill” and wanted to take action to end her life while she was able to do so. The former nurse had no major health problems, and was on no medication. She said she suffered from intermittent back pain following a bout of shingles, and had tinnitus. Speaking before her death in Basel, the mother of two said her experience as a nurse, including working in nursing homes, had shown her that the reality of old age was “awful”. She told The Sunday Times: “I have looked after people who are old, on and off, all my life. I have always said, ‘I am not getting old. I do not think old age is fun.’ I know that I have gone just over the hill now. It is not going to start getting better. I do not want people to remember me as a sort of old lady hobbling up the road with a trolley. “I have got so many friends with partners who, plainly, are a liability. I know you shouldn’t say that but I have this mental picture in my head of all you need to do, at my age, is break a hip and you are likely to go very much downhill from that.” She said her partner and children had supported her wishes, though it would not have been their choice. Her daughter, Caron, a nurse, had struggled particularly with the decision. “It is not his [John’s] choice at all and my kids are backing me, although it is not their choice,” she said before the journey to Switzerland. “My daughter is a nurse and she said, ‘Intellectually, I know where you are coming from but emotionally I am finding it really hard,’ and I know she is.” Pharoah said she felt she was going downhill “in an almost imperceptible way” as she grew older. “I would rather go out when I am not quite at a peak. I have dropped off a bit but I want to be still me, recognisably me and not have people look and think, ‘Oh, are you Gill, were you Gill?” she said. “A lot of people are very good until they are 70 and then they start sloping off a bit.” On the eve of her death, the couple wandered through the city before enjoying a meal on the banks of the Rhine. “The whole evening was very tranquil and enjoyable,” said John. “I think it is what we both wanted. Gill had been thinking about it for years and I had no intention of spoiling it by getting emotional and heavy.” She was accompanied to Lifecircle, the assisted-dying clinic in Basel, by her partner. John called their children after her death and a humanist memorial service, arranged by Ms. Pharoah, will take place later this month. A spokesman for Care Not Killing, which campaigns against assisted dying, said: “This is another deeply troubling case and sends out a chilling message about how society values and looks after elderly people in the UK.” However, Dr Michael Irwin, the co-ordinator of the Society for Old Age Rational Suicide (Soars), who helped the retired nurse with her plans to go to Switzerland, said: “Some will say that Gill was wrong to avoid the expected decrepitude of ‘old age’ but, having seen much suffering as a palliative care nurse, she took the rational decision that . . . she preferred to have a pre-emptive, doctor-assisted suicide.” Two months before her death, Gill wrote an article, entitled "My Last Word", in which she set out her decision to end her life. “Day by day, I am enjoying my life. I simply do not want to follow this natural deterioration through to the last stage when I may be requiring a lot of help,” she wrote. “I have to take action early on because no one will be able to take action for me. The thought that I may need help from my children appeals me. I know many old people expect, and even demand, help from their children but I think this is a most selfish and unreasonable view.” She said her experience as a nurse had shown her the reality of elderly life. “If you work in a nursing home and you have people who are incontinent, who use bad language, who walk around the rooms and just take things, it is very difficult. It is not a job you enjoy,” she said. “I just felt it was so bleak and so sad. We all did what we could but, for many of those old people, there wasn’t a lot you could do. We do not look at the reality. Generally, it is awful.” http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/heal...-is-awful.html Attached Images

08-20-2015, 12:22 PM	#4
Penny Lane Butter Pie Forum Icon Join Date: Jul 03, 2001 Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies Posts: 51,252	That's sad. Well there is a saying "Old age is not for sissies". My sister is a nurse and she sees suffering everyday not just from old people but all ages. I am torn on the subject of euthanasia. I can understand it if someone is suffering terrible pain. But to kill oneself on a whim I don't think it's right. I feel the same way about abortion. Using abortion as a means of birth control is wrong in my opinion. But it's none of my business what others do . Abortion and euthanasia is a very personal decision. Legalizing Euthanasia is on dangerous ground. It can open doors for killing off old people so the government doesn't have to support their social security and medicare benefits. I see this clearly now that the "Baby Boom" generation ,which I am one and are beginning to be a large chunk of the population, are getting older. Will we start being killed off? Life is very precious and a gift.
	__________________ Vulgarity is no substitute for wit- Lady Violet Crawley

08-20-2015, 12:40 PM	#5
Jaqui-Michel Brick City Citizen Frequent Poster Join Date: Mar 22, 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 355	There was no reason for her to end her life. She had already reached 75 with no debilitating illness and had a husband and children who loved and supported her. I could understand if she found out she had inoperable cancer or some other disease with no hope of recovery. To kill yourself when you are still a thriving "young" woman is insane.
	__________________ Stupidity - The Silent Killer

08-20-2015, 01:21 PM	#6
Torgo Omaha & Fritz Forum Star Join Date: Mar 06, 2004 Location: Oregon Posts: 19,036	My parents are that age, and I'm glad they don't feel that way. They're living life to the fullest, taking trips, visiting all their grandkids, working in their yard, etc. They're an inspiration for me when I reach that age.
	__________________ "I'm going to go do something productive. I'm gonna go watch television." - Ray Peterson, The 'burbs "I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." - Stephen King "There's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence." - Elvira

08-17-2015, 03:11 AM	#2
Dude111 Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 05, 2013 Posts: 36,388	Thats sad but I think we can understand why she felt that way.....

08-20-2015, 01:12 AM	#3
JamesG Freakshow Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 01, 2008 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 57,136	I can definitely see how her working w/ the elderly for most of her life made her feel that way, but I'm torn on this... I'm trying to think about how I would feel if one of my folks came to me w/ this decision. My parents aren't that much younger than this lady was and I would be quite devastated if they came to me w/ wanting to die. I know of people around my age and younger who have 1 or both parents no longer around and I'm very fortunate to have them. Do I argue w/ them about it over what I think is best (for me/them) or do I support them in their ultimate choice? I also heard of another recent story where a 24-year-old woman w/ depression (non-terminally ill) was granted the right to end her life in Belgium. She basically said that no medication or treatment has worked for her and that she wanted to check out. Here's that story: http://europe.newsweek.com/healthy-2...belgium-329504 These stories are causing quite a stir where euthanasia is allowed (especially in the mental health field) where non-terminally ill people are requesting it.

08-21-2015, 02:35 PM	#8
Coffeecup coffeecup. Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 17, 2003 Location: snoozeville Posts: 3,183	That is sad. You have to have nature take it course. Working in a nursing home wasn't the easiest vision of her life. My mom worked in Nursing home but she retired well before she died. If everyone felt like this woman felt, we would all check out of life much earlier than we should.