A Honeymooners July 4th:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph is in the Kramden apartment. He opens the window.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON! COME ON DOWN!"

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Whaddaya sy there Ralph?"

Ralph: "Norton, I am going to be famous. I am entering the Nathan's July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest."

Ed: "You are certainly built for the job."

Ralph: "Never mind that."

Ed: "Ralph, you are a smart human being...because you think like me. I am entering the contest too."

Ralph (yells): "WHAT?"

Ed: "I just entered the contest too. It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters. it is the amount of fight in the dog that matters."

Ralph: "You have the GALL to steal my idea."

Ed: "How did I steal your idea if you gave it to me a few seconds ago?"

Ralph: "I don't know but you did. Now, I am going to get that prestigious belt Norton. I am going to wear it. Not you."

Ed: "I don't think you can wear it. It's too small for you."

Ralph: "Do you want a fat lip Norton? Now because you stole my idea Norton of winning that belt, we are now DEADLY enemies. I don't want to see. I want nothing to do with you. If you see me down the street, get on the other side."

Ed: "When you walk down a street, there AIN'T no other side."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

(At the July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest. Ralph & Ed are preparing.)

Alice: "Ralph, I think that it is ridiculous that you and Ed are fighting like children over a contest like this."

Ralph: "He started it."

Alice: "I don't care. Anyway, I can't believe that you ate your normal amount of food rather than fast like the others have done."

Ralph: "I don't need to fast. I am just like the Great One Jackie Gleason."

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ed comes over.)

Ed: "Good luck Ralph. I see you haven't fasted. On second thought, you did. You wasted away to a blimp."

Ralph (yells): "OOOOH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON!"

(Ralph & Ed take their positions next to each other for the contest.)

Ralph: "I'm going to show you how it's done Norton."

Ed: "Yeah sure you will."

Host (yells): "WE ONLY HAVE TO EATERS THIS YEAR. MR RALPH KRAMDEN OF BROOKLYN, NY AND MR. ED NORTON OF BRROKLYN NY."

(Crowd cheers.)

Host (yells): "EATERS, GET READY...SET...GO!"

(They start eating After two minutes of eating, Ralph looks like he is going to hurl.)

Ralph (yells): "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

(Alice's Mom shows up. Ralph "hurls" all of his hot dogs.)

Alice's Mom: "Alice, am I too late to see your idiot of a husband lose."

Host (yells): "THE WINNER! ED NORTON! MR. RALPH KRAMDEN HAS THE HONOR OF LASTING THE LEAST AMOUNT OF TIME IN OUR HOT DOG EATING CONTEST HISTORY."

Ed: "No, and you are not too late to see him make a fool of himself."

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, PUT 'EM UP! PUT 'EM UP!"

(Ralph goes to fight Ed. They get separated. Ralph gets sick again and "hurls.")

(Jackie Gleason comes on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "I just want to wish everyone a Happy July 4th."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: " Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: "THE MIAMI BEACH JULY 4THS ARE THE BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)