A Honeymooners Father's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Alice come out of the bedroom.)

Ralph: "Now look Alice, I am saying it right now. Your MOTHER and FATHER are NOT coming over here today."

Alice: "They most certainly are Ralph. I have invited them."

Ralph: "I know why you did. I know why you did. Just to spite me. That's why. You know I hate having your blabbermouth of a Mother over here. She ruins my day every time I see her. So does your Dad."

Alice: "Ralph, I told you I don't want you acting like a child when they come over here."

Ralph: "Me acting like a child? Me?"

(Ed comes down. Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say there Ralph-ie boy?"

Ralph: "There's a child in here right now."

Ed: "What are you two doing for Dad's day?"

Ralph: "Alice's troublemaker parents are coming over just to spite me. She knows that I can't stand them and you too know that."

Ed: "Hey listen, put yourself in your wife's shoes. I don't care for Trixie's parents. I once called Trixie's mom the most miserable, rotten...sweetest lady I ever met. Her Dad gets on my nerves too but I grin and bear it. I put on a smile and act all nice. I help Trixie with the gifts and the dinner. When I say dinner, I don't just mean that I eat 60% of the food."

(Ralph rolls he eyes.)

Ed: "I also let him watch whatever he wants on TV even if I miss SpongeBob. In short, I treat him like a King."

Ralph: "Well, maybe you are right."

Alice: "Looks like Ed is a bigger guy than you Ralph."

Ed: "Nobody is bigger than him."

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: "I'm sorry for the way that I acted Alice. I will treat your Dad like Norton treates his Father-In-Law."

Alice: "I forgive you Ralph."

Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest."

(They hug and kiss.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "I just want to wish all the fathers out there a Happy Father's Day."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"