A Honeymooners XMas:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners XMas:

(At the Raccoon Christmas Celebration. The celebrity guest arrives.)

Ed: "It's David Letterman."

(Dave enters. Crowd applauds jsut as David touches his toes like he does seconds after he gets introduced on the Late Show.)

David: "Merry Christmas everyone. I just told my kid that Santa was just spotted over Miami Beach and headed towards our house."

Ed: "You serious Dave?"

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

David: "On the Late Show, I said the top 10 things that people do during the holidays. The one entry was going to Miami Beach and enjoying the people down there."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "David, me and my friends enjoy your show. We are sad that you are retiring but we are happy that with this retirement you and Paul Schaffer are going to do what you said. You two are can be married."

(People laugh as Ralph elbows Ed.)

Ralph: "He was joking you nut."

Ed: "Oh, so he straight after all."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

(Everyone exchanges gifts. The Kramdens, Gibsons and Nortons exchange theirs.)

Ralph: "Just what I always wanted. Audio from atvaudio.com of Jackie Gleason's work from the 1960s."

Alice: "You deserve it Ralph."

Ralph: "Open your gift Alice."

(Alice opens her gift.)

Alice: "Ralph's it beautiful."

Alice's Mom: "I hope it wasn't an orange juice squeezer in which you squeeze the orange on Napolean's head and the juice squirts out of his ears."

Alice: "It wasn't. It's a platinum watch. It is beautiful."

Ralph: "You deserve it Alice."

(They both hug and kiss.)

Both: "Merry Christmas."

Ed: "Open your gift Trixie."

(Trixie does.)

Trixie: "Ed, it is beautiful. It is a gold ring."

(Ed opens his gift.)

Ed: "Trixie, it is a pack of Mickey Mouse ringer t-shirts. I can wear these on the job."

(They kiss and hug.)

Both: "Merry Christmas."

(Ralph gets up.)

Ralph: "I will say this again. I love saying this. Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up – red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas'. Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home – you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you're going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

(They each kiss and hug their respective partners. The curtain starts to close but Jackie stops it.)

Jackie: "Ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally step out of character this way, but I want to change things up. Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "And David Letterman."

David: "Thank you very much everyone. Might I say that I agree with Jackie as far as the Miami Beach crowds."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. We all wish you a great retirement when you retire. In honor of the Christmas season, all of us should sing: 'Jingle Bells.' Don't worry, unlike Mr. Sammy Spear, we won't sing the juvenille version."

(Everyone laughs.)

All (singing): "Dashing through the snow/In a one horse open sleigh/Over the fields we go/Laughing all the way (ha ha ha)/bells on bob tail ring/making spirits bright/what fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight./ Oh jingle bells jingle bells/jingle all the way!/Oh what fun it is to ride and sing In a one horse open sleigh, Hey!/Jingle bells jingle bells/Jingle all the way!/Oh what joy it is to ride/in a one horse open sleigh./A day or two ago I thought I'd took a ride/and soon Miss Fannie Bright/seated by my side/the horse was lean and lank/misfortuned seemed his lot/he got into a drifted bank/and we we got upsot/oh jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way!/Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh, Hey!/Jingle bells jingle bells Jingle all the way!/Oh what joy it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh./A day of two ago/The story I must tell/I went out on the snow/And on my back I fell;/A gent was riding by in a one-horse open sleigh/he laughed a there I sprawling lie/but quickly drove away/Oh jingle bells jingle bells/jingle all the way!/Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh, Hey!/Jingle bells jingle bells/Jingle all the way!/Oh what joy it is to ride/in a one horse open sleigh/the ground is white/go it while you're young/take the girls to night/and sing this sleighing song/just get a bob tailed bay/to forty as his speed/hitch him to an open sleigh/and crack you'll take the lead."

(Everyone cheers.)

Jackie (yells): "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! THE MIAMI BEACH AUDIENCES ARE THE GREATEST AUDIENCES IN THE WORLD."

(The crowd erupts with cheers.)

Credit for the lyrics goes to http://www.metrolyrics.com/jingle-be...as-carols.html