A Honeymooners Thanksgiving:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens, Alice's parents and Nortons arrive at Hard Rock Cafe. It is 9p.)

Alice's Mom: "Sonny boy, I have been hungry since 12p. Since you did a real good job BURNING the turkey, I am really starving. So is everyone else."

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I AM STARVING TOO. IT WASN'T MY FAULT THAT TURKEY BURNED. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT THE TURKEY IN THE STOVE FOR TWO HOURS."

Ed: "Ralph, thanks to you, my two thanksgiving dinners have been ruined. Tonight and yesterday when me and my sewer buddies were having a feast only for the tide to come in."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Time to get a table."

Alice's Mom: "Ralph, I hope you won't eat all the food here. We are all starving."

Ralph: "Don't you worry. You dirty ole'..."

Alice: "Ralph!"

(They all sit down.)

Alice: "Ralph, the next time you cook, don't cook on Thanksgiving. You were only doing it to show superiority and not to help me."

Ralph: "Are you finished with all your lectures? Are you finished with the 'If- you-only-did-what-I-told-you-so''s? ARE YOU FINISHED WITH THOSE?"

Ed: "She's right there Ralph."

Trixie: "Yeah."

Ralph: "All right. I'm sorry. Let's all be thankful for the fact that this restaurant is open."

Ed: "Let's also be thankful for the fact that Toys R' Us is open and that I can buy toys at the end of the dinner."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

(Finally they all get the dinner.)

Ralph: "First, let's all give account of what we are thankful for tonight. The fact that we live in a free country."

All (yell): "HERE! HERE!"

Ralph: "I am thankful for having a wonderful wife in Alice who puts up with my crazy ideas every week."

(Alice laughs.)

Alice: "I am thankful for having a big caring husband like you Ralph."

Ed: "I am thankful for having my swere job but moreso for having a beautiful wife in Trixie. She is a sweet kid."

Trixie: "Thank you Ed. I am greatful for having a husband like you."

Alice's Dad: "I am thankful for having a wonderful daughter in Alice and a great, big son-in-law in Ralph."

Ed: "Emphasis on big."

(Ralph laughs.)

Alice's Mom: "Me too."

Ralph: "Also, I am thankful for having two great in-laws."

Alice: "I am also thankful for having wonderful, caring parents."

Ed: "We should also be thankful for having wonderful friends here."

All (yell): "HERE! HERE! HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!"

(Everyone raises their glasses and clings them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd applauds.)

Jackie: "HOW SWEET IT IS!"

(Everyone cheers.)

Jackie: "First of all, I am very thnkful to work in front a beautiful audience, the Miami Beach audience as well..."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "...as having to work with great actors and actresses. I hope all of your Thanksgivings are going to be a beaut."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!!"

(Crowd cheers.)