Episode Reviews: “Cold” (February ’52 version) & “Ring Salesman” (’52 version):

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode Reviews: “Cold” (February ’52 version) & “Ring Salesman” (’52 version):

Episode #11
TV: Hasn’t been seen on TV since its original airdate.
DVD: Hasn’t been released.

Nobody knows for sure if this episode ever aired on TV or not. In the early 2010s, it was revealed that this as long as some other sketches were rumored to have been shown on TV. I am going to assume that the script for this one and this one are on and the same.

In this episode, Ralph has a terrible cold but by the way he's been acting, you think he was MUCH sicker than he is. Alice is trying to nurse him back to health. Trixie comes by, but of course if you see this episode on TV, Trixie is already in the beginning scene.

Ralph doesn't want a doctor to come by because he thinks the doctor will charge him like $10 to paint his throat. Paint his throat? Ralph: "I can have this whole joint painted for $8." Alice says that doctors don't paint throats anymore for people who have colds. Alice makes Ralph some water to put his feet in. Ralph puts his feet in the water. The water pouring from Alice's kettle is scolding hot which causes Ralph to scream in pain.

After Trixie leaves, Ralph complains about Alice bringing in people when he is sick. Ralph then asks Alice to take off the plaster that on his back. He has a cold that is so severe, that he has to have plaster on his back? Taking it off is painful for Ralph. So after Alice is halfway through taking it off, Ralph thinks that she has taken it all of his back. She reveals that she only took some of it off. Ralph says to please the other half of it back on.

Ralph tells Alice a story on how he knew someone who won money and lost it. Alice tells Ralph that she took out a life insurance policy on him. Ralph of course has a fit and accuses her of wanting to see him die. She calls her selfish. Alice then says that she took a life insurance policy on her too. Ralph says that he's sorry and Alice forgives him.

Episode #12

E.S. Show:
TV: Hasn’t been seen on TV since its original airdate.
DVD: DVD: Attached to "Bread", "Razor Blades", "New TV Set", "Ralph Threatens To Leave", “Ralph and Alice Get Dressed For A Date Last Night” (aka “The Dance”), "Ring Salesman" (JGS versions), “Honeymooners Xmas Party (’51 version), "Quiz Show" (both versions), "Cold" (’53 version), "New Bowling Ball", "The Turkey", "Lost Baby", "Halloween Party", "Pickles", "Jellybeans" & "Six Months To Live."

This sketch was shown on Ed Sullivan’s old show.

The episode opens up with Alice (Pert Kelton) singing. Ralph & Ed arrive. It’s strange watching an old Honeymooners clip without the studio audience applauding. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed & Ralph are going bowling against the same team. Ralph isn’t worried about the team. Ralph finds a note: Dear Alice, meet me at the same spot this afternoon and I will take you around to a few places. Then I will sneak up to your place tonight after Ralph leaves for bowling. Signed Joe.” Ralph thinks that Alice and Joe are lovers and that Joe is tearing down an “empire” that took him 12 years to build. Ed said that maybe it isn’t Alice’s fault since he knew a married guy whose wife was sitting at a bar one night drinking and some guy came around and picked her up. Ed: “Don’t let this upset you because you will bowl lousy tonight.” Ralph can’t bowl tonight due to this situation. Ed leaves. Alice comes out. Alice asks for Ralph to hurry up and eat so he can go bowl. Ralph says that he might NOT go bowling. Alice: “Ralph, you got to go.” Ralph says that he might have been leaving Alice alone too much. Alice: “Every man needs a night out.” Ralph: “Some guys need an afternoon out.” Alice says that Ralph is acting stupid and Ralph agrees that nobody knows more about him being stupid than Alice does.

Alice asks if something fell on Ralph’s head. Ralph: “Yes, the whole world.” Alice asks what is on Ralph’s mind. Ralph tells Alice to explain the note. Alice explains that she can’t so Ralph says that he will. Ralph: “You have been playing me for a dope for a long time.” Ralph accuses Alice of going to nightclubs while he is out as well as running around with a guy named Joe. Alice: “Ralph, this is all in your head.” Ralph: “There is nothing in my head.” Ralph says that he doesn’t waste his money on expensive things so he takes the little money he has and buys a twin-burial plot.

Joe comes in. Joe has the ring. Ralph challenges Joe to fight. Alice explains that Joe is a jeweler. I think that Pert made an error and called Joe Benson Ralph Benson. Alice was going to give Ralph a ring for his birthday. Alice apologizes to Joe. Joe doesn’t mind. He leaves. Ralph doesn’t get the ring at least for now. Cue the Ralph-is-remorseful-for-what-he-did-to-Alice-bit. Ralph says that he is jealous of Alice. Alice not only forgives Ralph but she thanks her because not every wife that has a husband who is still jealous of her after 12 years of married life. They hug and kiss.