A Honeymooners Halloween:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Alice is in the kitchen.)

Ralph (from hallway, yells): "GET READY! I'M COMING OUT."

(Ralph comes out dressed as a clown. Audience wildly laughs. Ralph's clown makeup is all messed up.)

Ralph: "Didn't think I could do put makeup on myself huh? Can you see the faces on them down at the Raccoon Lodge when I walk in with this? Well, what do you think?"

Alice: "Well, for once Ralph, you are going as yourself."

Ralph: "OOOOOOOOOOH, YOU'RE A RIOT ALICE! A REGULAR RIOT!""

(Ed comes down dressed as a clown too. His makeup is perfect.)

Ralph (yells): "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING AS?"

Ed: "A clown."

Ralph (yells): "OVER MY DEAD BODY YOU ARE!"

Ed: "I couldn't do that Ralph. What do you think I am, a mountain climber?"

(Alice laughs.)

Ralph: "Norton, I am going to win that prize for best costume this year. I want to win that $100."

Ed: "So do I. I need that money to buy me Mickey Mouse t-shirts."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Norton, you are full-grown nut. I am going to WIN that $100. NOT you."

Ed: "Oh, is that what you think?"

Ralph: "Yeah."

Ed: "All right. We'll see."

(Ed leaves.)

(Alice's Mother comes by. Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Alice's Mom: "Hiya Alice. I just thoguht I would stop by. Oooooh, I see that Ralph is dressed as himself."

Ralph (yells): "OOOOOOOOOOH! ARRRRRRRRRRGH! I'M LEAVING."

(Ralph leaves.)

(Later on at the Raccoon headquarters, the Raccoons are having a dance. There are like four couples.)

(Music stops.)

Head Raccoon: "All right fellow Raccoons. It is time to select the grand prize of who has the best costume."

Ralph: "Get ready to lose Norton."

Head Raccoon: "The $100 goes to...Brother McGarrity...a newcomer."

(Ralph has a shocked look on his face. Brother McGarrity comes on stage. He is dressed as Spiderman.)

McGarrity: "Thank you. I deserve this, isn't that right...Ralph?"

(Ralph goes to a big table full of cream pies.)

Alice: "Ralph, what are you going to do?"

Ralph: "You'll see."

(Alice gasps as Ralph throws a pie at McGarrity. He misses by miles and hits Ed. Ed tries to hit a pie at Ralph but he misses too. Soon, a big piefight develops. Everyone is getting creamed and slipping and slidding all over the place.)

Head Raccoon (yells): "EVERYONE HERE IS TOO CLEAN THIS MESS UP."

(Everyone still gets hit with pies.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. He has pie all over him but he is smiling.)

Jackie: "How...slippery it was. Hahahaha."

(Everyone laughs.)

Jackie: "You don't know...hahahahaha...you don't know...hahahaha...Wait. You don't know how hard it is to walk on a slippery stage like that. That was a lot of fun."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Boy, when they say they want to have a big pie fight, we do...hahahaha. Have a Happy Halloween and the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)