Episode Reviews: "Bread" & "Razor Blades":

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode Reviews: "Bread" & "Razor Blades":

Episode #1
TV: This episode was seen The Honeymooners Really Lost Debut Episodes. This special was shown in 1993 on Disney Channel (yes, THAT Disney Channel) & March of 2000 on TV Land. This episode was attached to the first six Really Lost Debut Episodes.
VHS: This episode was attached to the first six Really Lost Debut Episodes which are "Bread", "New TV Set", "Ralph Threatens To Leave", "Ring Salesman" ('51 version) & "Quiz Show" ('51 version)
DVD: Attached to “”Razor Blades”, “New TV Set”, “Ralph Threatens To Leave”, “Alice & Ralph Get Dressed For A Date Last Night” (aka “The Dance”), “The Ring Salesman” (’51 version), “Quiz Show” (’51 version), “Xmas Party” (’51 version), “New Bowling Ball”, “The Turkey”, “Lost Baby”, “Quiz Show” (’52 version), “Halloween Party” (’52 version), “Cold”, “Pickles”, “Jellybeans” & “Six Months To Live” (’51 version).

To do this review, I am going to post the script that halycon wrote. Special thank you goes out to him.

Don Russell makes the introduction and talks about what the word “honeymoon” means. Don: “This evening, Jackie Gleason introduces two ‘new’ characters: Ralph Kramden & Alice Kramden. Ralph & Alice are a married couple who’s boat has sprung a leak. Alice is preparing a dinner for Ralph who is coming home after a hard day driving a bus.”

THE HONEYMOONERS

"Bread"

Original Air Date: 10-05-51

Starring

Jackie Gleason

Pert Kelton

Art Carney

Transcribed by: Chuck DiRaimondi 2

INT. KRAMDEN’S APT. – KITCHEN - EVENING

Alice stands in front of the stove, making dinner and singing. Ralph enters through the front door shortly thereafter, smoking a cigarette.

RALPH

Hey.

ALICE

Go down to Krauss’s and get some bread.

RALPH

What do you mean go down to Krauss’s and get some bread?

ALICE

Go down to Krauss’s and get some bread. That’s what I mean.

Ralph walks over to Alice.

RALPH

Oh I know what you mean. But what do you mean go down to Krauss’s and get some bread. What’s the matter with you!

ALICE

I happen to be fryin’ the dinner.

RALPH

There’s a big deal. There’s a big deal. You’re fryin’ the dinner. What did you do all day? Stand there fryin’ the dinner?

ALICE

Now don’t start up with me Ralph. I’m not in the mood for it. Just don’t start up with me Ralph. I’m not in the mood for it! 3

RALPH

That’s fine. That’s fine. It’s ok with me. I won’t start up with you. Don’t you ask me to go down to Krauss’s for any bread.

Ralph washes his hands in the kitchen sink. He begins drying his hands, pacing back and forth.

RALPH

I just hope you’re not going tell me that we ain’t got no bread for dinner, that’s all.

ALICE

I wouldn’t have asked ya to go down to Krauss’s if we had any bread.

RALPH

You mean to tell me I’m gonna have dinner without any bread!

ALICE

If you gotta have bread there’s a couple of heels in the bread box.

RALPH

There’s a big deal. A couple of heels in the bread box. What were you doing all day? Why didn’t you go down to Krauss’s?

ALICE

I had a lot to do.

RALPH

You had a lot to do.

Ralph points to the ceiling.

RALPH

Where were you? Up again there. Up there! 4

ALICE

Stop yelling. You want everybody to hear ya?

RALPH

Yea I want everybody to hear me!

Ralph walks over to the window, leans his head out of the window and looks up.

RALPH

Where were you? Up at the Tistoni’s watching television!

Ralph walks back over to Alice.

RALPH

You wanna hear some yellin’. I’ll show you some yellin’.

ALICE

You don’t have to show me no yellin’. I know how to yell. You wanna hear me yell? I’ll yell! I’ll yeeelll!

Someone from upstairs yells. "Shut up! Shut up down there!". Ralph walks back over to the windows, leans out and looks up.

RALPH

I’ll shut up if I come up there!

People from down below start yelling at Ralph. Ralph looks down.

RALPH

Keep your two cents out of it!

Ralph walks back over to Alice

RALPH

Well, you satisfied with what you started? 5

ALICE

What I started? It had never happened if you went down to Krauss’s to get the bread.

RALPH

I’m not going down to Krauss’s tonight for the bread. I’m not going down to Krauss’s last night for the bread. And I’m not going down to Krauss’s the night before for the bread!

ALICE

Who do you think you’re hurtin’? Me? I don’t eat bread. I’ll tell you how much I eat bread.

Alice reaches over to grab the heels from the bread box and starts throwing them out the window.

ALICE

Here’s the heels. And there they go.

RALPH

How you’ve frightened me. How you’ve frightened me! You threw the heels out the bread. Watch this.

Ralph goes over and grabs the breadbox and walks back to the window.

RALPH

Is this the box that holds the bread?!

Ralph throws the bread box out the window.

RALPH

There! Out the window!

ALICE

That what ya like. Throwin’ out the window. 6

RALPH

Yea. Uh uh.

ALICE

Two can play the game as well as one and I play it pretty good.

Alice walks over to the stove and grabs the pots and pans.

RALPH

Yea.

Alice throws the pots and pans outside the window.

RALPH

You’ll never stop me Alice. You’ll never stop me.

Ralph walks over to the kitchen table and grabs one of the seats and his jacket. He throws both the jacket and chair out the window.

RALPH

So there it goes.

ALICE

Good. Good.

RALPH

Yea

ALICE

You can’t sit down. You can’t eat.

Alice walks back to the stove, grabs another pan and throws it out the window.

RALPH

Now I’m gonna show you how much I like bread. I’m gonna show you how much I like bread.

Ralph walks over to the sink and grabs the flour container. 7

RALPH

Here, is this the flower that you make bread with? Do you make bread from flower?

Ralph throws the flower container out the window.

RALPH

There it goes! That’s what I think of the bread.

ALICE

You wanna see something go out the window? You wanna see something go out the window?

RALPH

Yea! Yea!

ALICE

Then I’ll show you something go out the window.

RALPH

Alright.

Alice walks over to the window and begins climbing outside.

RALPH

Go! Go!

ALICE

I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction.

Someone begins knocking on the front door.

RALPH

I just hope that this is somebody ‘cause I’m ready.

Ralph opens the door. A police officer enters. Covered in flour.

POLICE OFFICER

Did ah, did somebody ah throw a can of flour out the window a little while ago? 8

RALPH

Well ah, we had it on the ah.

ALICE

It was my fault officer. You see I had it sittin’ on the window sill and it just fell out.

POLICE OFFICER

Well next time ah try to be a little more careful will ya? Don’t let it happen again. Geesh!

The police officer walks out the front door. Alice walks over to a chair and sits down. Ralph walks over to her.

RALPH

I’m sorry Alice.

ALICE

It’s alright Ralph.

RALPH

You know all day with everybody getting on the bus and yellin’ and screamin’, I get a little upset. I don’t mean to yell at ya. Wanna go down the corner for a pizza pie?

ALICE

I wouldn’t mind.

Ralph grabs Alice by the hand and she stands up

RALPH

Come here baby.

Ralph and Alice kiss.

Episode #2
TV: This episode was seen The Honeymooners Really Lost Debut Episodes. This special was shown in 1993 on Disney Channel (yes, THAT Disney Channel) & March of 2000 on TV Land.

VHS: This episode was attached to the first six Really Lost Debut Episodes which are "Bread", "New TV Set", "Ralph Threatens To Leave", "Ring Salesman" ('51 version) & "Quiz Show" ('51 version)
DVD: Attached to “Bread”, “New TV Set”, “Ralph Threatens To Leave”, “Alice & Ralph Get Dressed For A Date Last Night” (aka “The Dance”), “The Ring Salesman” (’51 version), “Quiz Show” (’51 version), “Xmas Party” (’51 version), “New Bowling Ball”, “The Turkey”, “Lost Baby”, “Quiz Show” (’52 version), “Halloween Party” (’52 version), “Cold”, “Pickles”, “Jellybeans” & “Six Months To Live” (’51 version).

This Honeymooners episode is the shortest ever. It is only 5:02.

Alice is cooking. Ralph comes out with shaving cream on and asks where his razor blades are. Last night, he bought a pack of blades and put them on the table. Ralph: “We live on the third floor. Nobody can climb up and get them. Nobody got lowered. This door has been locked all night. A mouse couldn’t have taken them.” Ralph accuses Alice of taking the blades. Alice denies it. Ralph: “Don’t steam me up because I am already steamed.” Alice (sarcastically): “You got me scared to death.” Ralph accuses Alice of stealing things like his gray pants. Ralph: “One of these days…” Alice: “What one of these days? What? What? What?” Alice: “You will find out when the day comes.” Alice says that you put things in the drawer. That is where they belong.

Ralph opens the drawer. Ralph says that Alice has three drawers. Ralph has trouble opening it. He eventually does. One a few things are in that drawer but not his razor blades. Ralph is still angry. Alice: “Don’t start. Don’t start.” Ralph (sarcastically): “You frighten me.” Alice: “All right. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Alice then threatens to throw herself out the window. Ralph encourages her to throw herself out. Alice: “I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction.”

People from downstairs are knocking their ceiling to tell the Kramdens to be quiet. Ralph responds by pounding the floor with a chair. Man (from upstairs, yells): “KEEP QUIET DOWN THERE! KEEP QUIET!” Ralph is going to take one of Alice’s drawers even though there is clothing in it. Ralph tears her clothing that is in it. Wow! He even starts to tear a dress. Alice says no. She is supposedly crying. Ralph calls her clothing that was in that dresser junk. That is her wedding dress. Ralph feels bad. He didn’t mean to tear that dress. Alice knows it. He apologizes. Alice forgives him. They hug and kiss even though Ralph still has cream on his face.

[Frank Gannucci]

It's a long story why the original post (before my editing) looked the way iiit did. As you can see, I fixed it up.