Quote-Worthy Brady Lines

[Mark Mallard]

What are some of your favorite lines to quote from the Bradys?

I'll do a few by character:

Mike

"I need my den!"
"We never open the door for people we don't know!"
"If you don't like your personality, improve it- change it!"
"Exact words are pretty hard to live by."
"And keep us ever mindful of thy bountiful blessings."
"We'll have a quiet evening in the garage....patch up a few old tires!"
"Uh, Greg- calling your parents by their first names might be the thing to do nowadays, but around here, we are still mom and dad to you."
"Who banged up what?"
(in reply to Greg's comment about being a crummy businessman) "No, no, you're an honest one!"
(in reply to Peter and Jan's "Hark, who goes there?") "'Tis I, your father- I bring secret documents to Brady house!"
(in reply to Carol and Alice's special lunch diet for him) "This isn't enough to keep a hummingbird alive!"
"I'll have my eggs lightly basted!"
"Martha, Martha, Martha...." (after Carol's friend Martha won't get off the phone)
"There seems to be a leak in the Brady Administration- you come off as Mr. Know-It-All." (talking to Peter about his tape recorder exploits)
"A birdbath!" (in reply to Alice posing as a classic Greek for Carol's painting)
"Hey Greg, I wanted to see if you needed any money for the week-END" (never have figured out why he emphasizes the 'end' part)

Carol (very few here- Carol always had the worst lines, along with Cindy and Marcia)

(pondering Greg's comment about "rapping" with a girl at school) "I wonder if that's against the law- rapping."
(after Mike asks about how Carol knew "Bobo") "I know what you like, I know what you don't like, and she introduced herself to me and said you used to call her Bobo."
"Once you push someone to far, you can't always bring them back again!"
"Listen...money and fame are important things, but there are more important things- like people."
"Ask mom ha-whaaaaat?"

Alice

"Well my own thing is getting everyone to the dinner table- I've got a chicken in the oven, and it's own thing is getting fricassed."
"That's one thing about butchers- they make no bones about it."
"Loooooooook oooouuuuuuut!" (when Bobby and Cindy enter the kitchen during Alice and Greg's simulated driving session)
"If the werewolf howls, don't come running to me- I'll be under the kitchen table."
"You had your chance at a pretty nurse and you blew it."
(in reply to Bobby's comment about the sun having lots of vitamins) "So does orange juice, but you don't go swimming in it!"
"...so they said so long, and I said "Far out!" I didn't want them to think I wasn't on it."

Greg

(speaking about Harvey Klinger) "He's a grade A All-American creep and a double dingbat!"
"That Harvey is buggier than his bugs."
"Jan...Jan...Jan look out!" (as Greg stands by with no thought to stop Jan's bike from hitting the family portrait)
"These are my....working threads."
"I should have never gotten mixed up with a beast like that." (in reference to Racquelle the Goat)
"A color TV set! A real color TV set!"
"...but dates are different!"
"Like, thanks." (after Mike gives him the money for some new, hip clothes)
"Morning Mike, morning Carol." (flashes the peace sign)
(after ripping the girl's book) "I've got a quarter for some glue."
"Rachel, your groovy red hair and mysterious eyes really turned me on."
"Debbie, not you again!"
"Washington...Lincoln....and Mr. PRICE!" (reading Peter's phony editorial about Mr. Price being a great teacher)
"I've got a better idea- let's lock you in the bank vault, Jesse!"
(in reply to Bobby's dramatic "death" on camera) "Oh, would ya die already!"
"Yes...I certainly can pick 'em."
(in reply to Mike's comment about lunch being a feast fit for a king) "Then give it to the king and get me a balogne sandwich."

Peter

"What reason shall I give him?" (a thirteen/fourteen-year-old kid who uses the word 'shall'? Poor writing, but hilarious to quote!)
"Five hairs, count 'em- FIVE!"
"Uh...take my rainbows and sun-lit life!"
"I'm a sunny sunflower, brave and true. I do good deeds for you."
"I cut it while I was clipping the stupid hedges!"
"Oh mother, mother, you have no idea what it feels like to be snatched from death's door and given a new chance at life!"
"I'm smiling, SEE!"
"You shay we're having porkchaaaaaaps....and appleshaaaauuuuuce? That'sh shwell."
(when recording Greg's song "Time to Change") "Then it's time to CHANGE!"
(to Bobby) "Don't get mixed up with women, kid. They'll break your heart every time."

Bobby

(in reference to Peter's lack of knowledge of big business) "Yeah, you don't know nothin'!"
"Uhh, yes, let's go somewhere else- it suddenly just got crowded out here."
"Well, I guess women are good for some things." (in reference to Carol and the girls packing lunch on the camping trip)
(mocking Marcia's performance as Juliet) "'Tis but thy name that is my enemy!"
(after Mike asks about what he told the boys prior to marrying Carol) "I was just a little kid then."
"Yeah...whoopee." (after Carol tells Bobby that Peter will be staying home with him)
"My sister, the munstah!"
"If you guys are starting that again, I'm outta here!"

Marcia

(upon seeing Jan's wig) "Jan, I think it looks awful."
"I hate you Allen Anthony- I hate everyone!!" (stupid line, but fun to quote for a joke!)

Jan

(trying out Carol's perfume) "Well I might as well be beautiful and exotic! Lovely, ooh, lovely- my goodness!"
"What are you blocking the door for?" (check out her eyes when she says this one in Treasure of Sierra Avenue- it's creepy!)
(in reply to Greg and Peter's comments about women doctors) "County Hospital- I've just bought it, and from now on, it's only going to have women doctors and male nurses."
(imitating Harvey Klinger) "Did you know that a beetle has OFFSET EYES?!"

Cindy

"Daddy, did you take me out here just to watch you walk?"
(in reply to Jan's inquiry about the kids being nice to her) "We're just supposed to be nice to you until your phase is over- then we can forget about you again!" (OUCH!)

[Zoneboy]

Originally Posted by Mark Mallard

"You shay we're having porkchaaaaaaps....and appleshaaaauuuuuce? That'sh shwell."

I hope nobody says this in my presence, I'll be arrested for assault and battery if they do.

[Jack1000]

Harold Axelrod- Doing his TERRIBLE Romeo rendition:

"Tell me more, our shall I speak of this?" (In a squeaky whining voice!)

Jan to Cindy: "It's a wonder she (Marcia as Juliet) lets him speak at all!"

***********************

Tons of Quotes from "The Drummer Boy" regarding Bobby's Musical Ability! LOL! Here we go!

It's the episode where Bobby can't sing and doesn't get into Glee Club, so to give him confidence, Mike and Carol suggests he play an instrument:

Alice greets Carol as she comes home and Bobby's so excited about his new instrument!

A: "What instrument did he pick?"

C: "Behold"

A "Drums?!

C: "His music teacher said it's done wonders for his morale"

A: I'm not so sure what that's gonna for OUR morale!" hahahaha!

C: "She said he had exactly the right qualifications!"

A: "What qualifications does a kid need to play drums"?

C: "A mother with a station wagon!!!!!" Hahahahaha

(Bobby gives new meaning to "No Talent" as he just bangs away on them!!!.)

(All the below quotes are when Bobby is playing his drums)

A "I hate to say it Mrs. Brady, the more I hear Bobby play, the more I'm convinced drumsticks are for turkeys!"

C: "Oh Alice! Bobby hasn't improved at all, has he?"

A: "Mrs Brady, every day he plays just a little worse than the day before!! And today he's playing like tomorrow!" Hahahahaha!

Mike: "Hi Alice, what's for dinner?"

Alice: "What?"

Mike "Dinner!"

Alice" Thanks! I'm glad somebody thinks I look thinner!"

(The Girls are in their bedroom complaining about the drums) Carol says:

C "Now look he was so disappointed about not getting into Glee Club, now he's so happy to be doing something musical."

Jan: "Musical!!!?? LOL!

Ditto in the boys room where Greg and Marcia are doing homework.

C: "It really means a lot to Bobby."

G: "We're sure not gonna get much homework done, Mom."

C: "Well, let's try not to hurt his feelings, OK?"

(Carol leaves, Marcia closes her book in disgust.)

G "Aren't you gonna study anymore?"

M: "Yea, under the hair dryer, it'll be quieter there!" hahahaha!

Carol and Mike try to talk to Bobby about his drums tactfully concerning the problems it has caused for everyone.

Bobby "Would you be too disappointed if I quit?"

M: "Quit the drums?"

C "Forever!!!???" LOL!

But unknown to them, Bobby just wants to switch instruments with George at school. Bobby says, "George is gonna play the drums and I'm gonna play his instrument."

M "His instrument?"

B: "Yea, he loaned it to me so I could try it."

(Bobby brings it out)

C "THE BUGLE!!!????" LOL!!!

Flash to 5:30 in the morning with Bobby honking his bugle on the patio!! Mike and Carol can't sleep of course!

C: "Mike? is that Bobby?

M: "It's not Gabriel!" LOL!

M "I think he's try to play Reveille!" LOL!

(Mike starts getting up.)

C: "You're not going to get up are you?"

M; "Just long enough to tie a knot in his bugle!!!" Hahahahaha!!!

Jack

[Mark Mallard]

Originally Posted by Jack1000

Harold Axelrod- Doing his TERRIBLE Romeo rendition:

"Tell me more, our shall I speak of this?" (In a squeaky whining voice!)

Jan to Cindy: "It's a wonder she (Marcia as Juliet) lets him speak at all!"

***********************

Tons of Quotes from "The Drummer Boy" regarding Bobby's Musical Ability! LOL! Here we go!

It's the episode where Bobby can't sing and doesn't get into Glee Club, so to give him confidence, Mike and Carol suggests he play an instrument:

Alice greets Carol as she comes home and Bobby's so excited about his new instrument!

A: "What instrument did he pick?"

C: "Behold"

A "Drums?!

C: "His music teacher said it's done wonders for his morale"

A: I'm not so sure what that's gonna for OUR morale!" hahahaha!

C: "She said he had exactly the right qualifications!"

A: "What qualifications does a kid need to play drums"?

C: "A mother with a station wagon!!!!!" Hahahahaha

(Bobby gives new meaning to "No Talent" as he just bangs away on them!!!.)

(All the below quotes are when Bobby is playing his drums)

A "I hate to say it Mrs. Brady, the more I hear Bobby play, the more I'm convinced drumsticks are for turkeys!"

C: "Oh Alice! Bobby hasn't improved at all, has he?"

A: "Mrs Brady, every day he plays just a little worse than the day before!! And today he's playing like tomorrow!" Hahahahaha!

Mike: "Hi Alice, what's for dinner?"

Alice: "What?"

Mike "Dinner!"

Alice" Thanks! I'm glad somebody thinks I look thinner!"

(The Girls are in their bedroom complaining about the drums) Carol says:

C "Now look he was so disappointed about not getting into Glee Club, now he's so happy to be doing something musical."

Jan: "Musical!!!?? LOL!

Ditto in the boys room where Greg and Marcia are doing homework.

C: "It really means a lot to Bobby."

G: "We're sure not gonna get much homework done, Mom."

C: "Well, let's try not to hurt his feelings, OK?"

(Carol leaves, Marcia closes her book in disgust.)

G "Aren't you gonna study anymore?"

M: "Yea, under the hair dryer, it'll be quieter there!" hahahaha!

Carol and Mike try to talk to Bobby about his drums tactfully concerning the problems it has caused for everyone.

Bobby "Would you be too disappointed if I quit?"

M: "Quit the drums?"

C "Forever!!!???" LOL!

But unknown to them, Bobby just wants to switch instruments with George at school. Bobby says, "George is gonna play the drums and I'm gonna play his instrument."

M "His instrument?"

B: "Yea, he loaned it to me so I could try it."

(Bobby brings it out)

C "THE BUGLE!!!????" LOL!!!

Flash to 5:30 in the morning with Bobby honking his bugle on the patio!! Mike and Carol can't sleep of course!

C: "Mike? is that Bobby?

M: "It's not Gabriel!" LOL!

M "I think he's try to play Reveille!" LOL!

(Mike starts getting up.)

C: "You're not going to get up are you?"

M; "Just long enough to tie a knot in his bugle!!!" Hahahahaha!!!

Jack

I have not watched "The Drummer Boy" in ages, but given these terrific lines, I think this episode will be my chosen episode for tonight's regular evening Brady viewing!