Episode Reviews: "TV Game of The Week" & "The Adoption" ('66 version):

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #167
TV: Attached to a bunch of other skits as well as more.

This episode was never released to the public due in part to Gleason Enterprises refusing to release only the Honeymooners sketch. There are a lot of musical clearance issues with this show.

A Glea Girl comes on and introduces the sketch. She says that the set that the Kramdens are getting is their first one. What about all the other ones they had? Alice (played by Sue Ann Langdon) is home with the TV installer (played by Frank Marth). The guy came said that this is a great TV set. Of course, the TV doesn't look as good as the TVs of today. He leaves. Alice is very happy with the set. Ralph comes home with food. He is ecstatic that the set came. Ralph: "Did you ever see a prettier set than that? Isn't that the best picture you ever seen of acid going down a man's stomach?" He moves the antenna all over the room to get a better picture. Ed Norton comes in just as Ralph finds a perfect place for the antenna. The place: On top of the ice box.

Ralph asks Ed what he thinks of his new set. Ed, seeing the antenna and not the set, jokingly says that the set looks like his ice box. Ed turns on the set and both of them watch a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Alice: "When Bugs Bunny is over, would you like to go outside and play?" Ralph says that he is not interested in the cartoon. He is only interested in how the set works. When Ed tells him what is on the screen, Ralph watches. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph turns off the set. He wants to watch the football game at 2pm. Ed loves the fact that there is soda pop and food. Ralph says that he doesn't mind him watching his TV show, but if he wants refreshments, he is to go upstairs and get his own. Ed: "You're cheap but at least you don't keep that fact a secret." Ed leaves. This dialogue was played for the first time in over 40 years on the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary special in 2002.

Ralph is getting the food ready. Alice comes out. When she hears the fact that Ralph is going to watch the game, she says that she thought that the set was for both of them. Ralph: "It is. This afternoon, I want to watch the football game. Tonight, I will let you watch the fights." Alice says that if Ralph keeps acting this way, there will be a fight but it will be between the both of them. Ralph: "This is the biggest game of the year. I don't want to miss it. Alice says that she will let Ralph watch it. She goes upstairs to Trixie's. Ralph goes into the bedroom.

Ed comes in with a pizza pie. When he goes to touch the set, Ralph yells from the bedroom: "DON'T TOUCH THE SET." Ed brings out more food and makes a mess. Ralph is upset but he gets reminded that he told Ed to bring his own refreshments. Ralph turns on the set to watch the game. Ed asks Ralph if he wants to take bet. Ralph says yes. Ed says that he is a Harvard fan. He brings out his Harvard flag and walks around with it. Ralph, of course, says that Ed is nuts. Ed: "Harvard means a lot to me. For two years, I worked underneath the sewer at the Harvard club." Ralph: "If you stayed there two more years, you would have gotten your bachelor's degree in Stupidity." Ralph puts out his dollar. The game starts. The game is at Harvard Stadium. The opponent is revealed to be Yale. Didn't Ralph say that this game was the biggest one of the year? Ralph is upset that Ed is eating pizza in front of him. Ralph: "Norton, would you like a potato chip?" Ed: "No thanks. I am down here watching your TV set. It wouldn't be fair for me to take one of your potato chips." Ed loves the pizza that he is eating and describes what is on it which includes Fatchumatta's (sp) cheese. Ralph: "Fatchumara's cheese." I think Art meant to say Fatchumara. Ralph than asks for a slice of pizza. Ed says sure. Ed: "A small piece costs 20 cents. The bigger piece is mine." Ralph (yells): "YOU HAVE THE GALL TO COME ON DOWN HERE AND WATCH MY SET AND CHARGE ME TWENTY CENTS FOR SLICE? JUST FOR THAT, IT WILL COST YOU 50 CENTS TO WATCH THE GAME." What a friend. Ed: "You let me watch the game and I will give you two twenty cent slices and a 10 cent piece." Ralph takes the deal. Ed: "Do you have a license of Pay TV?" Ralph: "Gimme that slice."

Both of them are watching the game while Ralph is yelling: "STOP HIM! STOP HIM!" The set goes off. Ed takes the pizza out of Ralph's hand because the set went off. Ed tries to fix the set by banging it. That of course, doesn't work. Ed then takes the back off of it WITHOUT unplugging the set. Ralph suggests unplugging it and plugging it in. Ed does that. Nothing happens. Ed: "Is your chubby little heart satisfied?" Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!" Ed then takes out a tube and asks Ralph not to drop it. Of course, the tube is hot. Ralph screams in pain and throws the tube. Ed catches it. Ralph suggests getting a repairman. Ed says that he will repair the set for free. Ed takes out what I am assuming is part of the chassis. Ed asks Ralph for a screwdriver. Ralph gets a screwdriver and a hammer. Ed correctly predicts that if he doesn't fix the set, Ralph will hit him with the hammer.

The next scene opens up. By now, all of the set is taken out. Ed discovers that part of his pizza was in the mesh. Ed says that this one "screw" there is causing all the trouble. How can that be? Besides the screw doesn't even look like a screw to me. It looks like a piece of a crowbar. Ed asks Ralph is he has a soldering iron. Oh boy! The janitor comes in and says that at about 2pm, the electricity went off in the whole building. It is back on now. Looks like Ralph and Ed went through all that trouble for nothing. Ed: "Looks like the joke is on me. I disconnected your entire set when the electricity went off in the whole building." Ralph, with hammer in hand, kicks Ed out and orders him to take his food.

Alice comes back and asks Ralph what happened. Ralph: "Don't ask Alice." Alice says that when Ed ran up the stairs, he dropped half his pizza. Ralph: "If he comes back in this place again, I murder him. There isn't a jury in this world that wouldn't set me free." Ed comes hack all happy. Ed: "Harvard won 7-6. I won the bet." He grabs Ralph's dollar. Ed: "If you get the set fixed before the fights tonight, holler out the window so we can watch." Ralph gets up with the hammer in his hand and chases after Ed. He slips on the food. A very unrealistic slip like sound is heard when he does slip. Ralph comes back inside with a slice of pizza on his head. The sketch has ended.

Jackie comes out for the curtain call. He thanks the audience and says that he loves working with Art Carney. He says that Art gets a lot of laughs. So much so, Jackie says that he makes him look bad. Art is also a great dramatic actor according to Gleason. He brings out Art and says that he is currently on Broadway in the show called: "Take Her She's Mine." Jackie says goodnight to the audience.

As the credit rolls, Johnny does the sponsor plugs which include: Parliament Cigarettes, Palmolive Rapid Shave and Purina Dog Chow. Johnny also says to the audience to contribute to the charity: Give United.

At the end of the show, Jack Benny plugs his show as well as to ask people to donate to "Give United." Next, Ed Sullivan plugs the next episode of his show. After that, a graphic comes on the screen. The graphic has the CBS Eye with the words: "This program has been pre-recorded."

Episode #167
TV: This episode was shown once on TV Land in March 2000.
DVD: It might be attached to Classic 39 episodes 33-39 on the HD Blu-Ray Set.
Color Honeymooners & Lost Episode Title: "The Adoption."

This episode was a part of Jackie Gleason's American Scene Magazine and even though it was shot in black and white, it is a pilot of the Color Honeymooners.

Jackie does his opening monologue and says that he is going to be working with some his old friends: Art Carney, Anne Seymour and Audrey Meadows. They are going to do a musical version of the Honeymooners. He says to Sammy Spear (his orchestra leader): "Some traveling music Sam." Jackie: "And away we go."

An exterior shot of Chauncey Street is shown with people dancing, playing etc. They all sing: "Brooklyn U.S.A." in which some of the lyrics are: "If you want to see what heaven is, visit Brooklyn USA." Yeah sure. Ralph comes home expecting to pick up Ed so they can go bowling. Ed comes with some news. Trixie has been visiting her sick mother and he is upset that since she is getting better, Trixie will come home. Ralph gets a letter from the Adoption Agency saying that they will get to adopt a baby. He is so happy. Ed is happy that he is going to be an uncle. They sing: "There'll Always Be a Kramden to Glorify the Name."

In the apartment, Ralph says to Alice for her to sit down. Ed does, so Ralph says that he meant her. Ralph: "What is the most important news that I could possibly tell you?" Alice: "They have condemned the building and we are moving out." Ralph accidentally spills the beans that they get to adopt a baby. Ralph: "That baby will have a name with importance. A name with power: Ralph Kramden." Alice agrees that Ralph will be a good choice. Ralph says that he hasn't read the part where the person from the Adoption Agency will come. Ralph says that the boy will have things he has never had but he won't be spoiled. Alice reads the letter and is upset. The adoption agency tells Alice her application is being considered, but that a staff worker must come to the apartment to look it over before final approval is granted. The Kramdens realize that there apartment looks terrible. Ralph has a plan. Ralph: "The person from the Adoption Agency won't be here until tomorrow." Ralph's plan: With Ed & Mrs. Manicotti's help: they borrow a TV set, drapes, refrigerator, stove, new table and chairs, couch, etc.--to make the apartment look presentable. Question: Ralph said that he didn't read the part when the person from the Adoption Agency will come, so how did he know that the person from the Adoption Agency will be there tomorrow?" Ed sings: "You Can Count on Me." Ralph and Alice are as nervous as two kids on their first date as they wait for Miss Lawrence played by Anne Seymour, the same person who played her in the earlier version) from the agency to arrive. Ralph says to Alice to be calm like he is, but he isn't calm at all. Miss Lawrence comes by. Everything is going smooth until Ralph says to Alice that the light in the fridge turns on when you open the fridge. Miss Lawrence asks: "Are there any places of recreation?" Ralph says that there is a poolroom. Alice says there is a playground and she is planning on taking the baby there every day. An ice man comes by with some ice to put in the ice box. Man: "What happened to the ice box?...Wow! You fixed the whole place up." Ralph says that they never got any ice from him. The jig is up. They tell Miss Lawrence that they spruced up the place and that the TV, the couch, the drapes, the refrigerator isn't theirs. They are fighting for this kid. Miss Lawrence says the agency is not as concerned with furnishings as it is with finding couples who really want children, and that she's never met a couple who want a child more than the Kramdens. Approved! Alice sings: "We'll have the Happiest Boy in the World." Some of the lyrics are: "Maybe he will be as funny as you are."

Ed Norton (with a loud jacket on) accompanies the Kramdens to the hospital. Ralph promised Ed that when the baby is elected president, he can be at the inauguration. Ralph thanks the doctor. Ed Norton goes outside. But Ralph is upset when they are told that they are going to get a girl. Ralph: "I want a boy." He was going to name the boy Ralph. Ralph: "Nobody wants a girl." What a nice thing to say...NOT! The doctor said that on the form, they would approve either sex. The doctor says he will see what he can do. He leaves and Alice goes outside in tears of sadness since that they are not getting the kid that is in the room. In a scene he played-- with a puppy--in the Classic Thirty-nine episode "A Dog's Life," Ralph apologizes to the baby for not wanting to bring her home. During this scene, Jackie Gleason was reading his lines that were in the baby carriage (since there was no real baby in there). Ralph says that girls can't play football. In 1998, in high school, I remember hearing about a girl football player on the varsity football team at my school. Ralph sings an emotional song called: "Little Girl" as the room inside the hospital turns off with a spotlight focusing on Jackie. Ralph is actually crying when he sings. After this, the doctor comes back with news that in a few weeks, they can get a boy. But Ralph now wants the girl. Alice is happy when she hears the news. Ralph carries the baby home. Ralph: "There's going to be a bowling champion and her name will be Ralphina Kramden."

At home, the apartment is a mess. Alice is singing: "Because Of My Beautiful Girl" while tossing powder (not the bottle, actual powder.) Ralph comes home with another doll for the baby. Ed comes in. The baby cries. Ed tries to sing a lullaby but that makes things worse. So Ed thinks that she needs milk but there is no bottle. They think of putting the milk into a glove and cutting off one of the finger tips of it (which eventually causes milk to squirt all over Ralph.) That is a scene that they did in "Lost Baby." They do the stunt again but with Ed holding the glove and Ralph using the scissors. But, Ralph still ends up with all of the milk on him. Ralph kicks Ed out. The doctor and Alice come in with sad news. The mother wants her baby back. Ralph is angry. He yells at the doctor, saying that the mother put her up for adoption and now they are the legal parents so they shouldn't surrender her. The doctor leaves and Ralph is yelling about how much he loves the kid. There are no funny statements being said here. Alice is ready to cry. Alice: "Imagine how the mother feels." Ralph eventually realizes that it is wrong to keep the kid, so he goes upstairs to Ed's to call the doctor. Ralph: "We can always get to adopt another baby from the Adoption Agency. Maybe we will get lucky and have one of our own." That makes Alice happy. Ralph leaves.

During the curtain call, Jack announces Art and Audrey at the same time and he announces the supporting cast (Anne Seymour, Sid Fields & Phil Relins). If this was a regular Color Honeymooners episode, he would have announced everyone separately.

The credits roll with the same font that was used for the first two seasons of the Color Honeymooners.

I liked this version better only because of the slightly happier ending.