Lucy and her kids

[Will and Grace Fanatic]

I'm sure this has been discussed but....It seems like Lucy's children feel as if their mother was not that great of a mother. I mean I've read a few articles and Lucille especially seems this way. I just thought they had a good relationship since they did star in a show together in the 70's.

[LittleRickyII]

Originally Posted by Will and Grace Fanatic

I'm sure this has been discussed but....It seems like Lucy's children feel as if their mother was not that great of a mother. I mean I've read a few articles and Lucille especially seems this way. I just thought they had a good relationship since they did star in a show together in the 70's.

There supposedly was a lot of friction between Desi Jr. and his mother while he was growing up, but he claims they were very close in the '80s when both she and Desi Sr. were by his side while he was in rehab. They were active participants in his recovery. They were very close at the time of her death. Lucie has said she always felt her mother wasn't emotionally available when she was growing up, and she moved out of her mother's home when she was 18 or 19 because they were fighting a lot. Lucie continued working on her mother's show, though. I guess working together all day, then going home together was too much. But in recent years Lucie seems to have come to terms with understanding that her mother had issues of her own with her own mother (Lucie's grandmother), who had abandoned Lucy for several years during Lucy's childhood to live in another state with Lucy's stepfather (who wanted nothing to do with Lucy; told her she could not call him Dad), and left Lucy and her brother in the care of a strict (and cold) step-grandmother, who pretty much confined Lucy to her bedroom all the time. This lack of a maternal example, and a strong instinct that she needed to work hard to care for her family (including extended family) financially, left her unequipped emotionally, or with the necessary time, to connect with her daughter on a deep emotional level. She probably could have benefited from some psychological therapy. I think it's fair to say that Lucie has regrets about holes in their relationship, but now understands why her mother was the way she was and is not bitter. And she did leave both her kids the bulk of her sizable inheritance, so the love was obviously there whether or not she succeeded in displaying it on an emotional level.

[Hughsgirl]

Originally Posted by LittleRickyII

There supposedly was a lot of friction between Desi Jr. and his mother while he was growing up, but he claims they were very close in the '80s when both she and Desi Sr. were by his side while he was in rehab. They were active participants in his recovery. They were very close at the time of her death. Lucie has said she always felt her mother wasn't emotionally available when she was growing up, and she moved out of her mother's home when she was 18 or 19 because they were fighting a lot. Lucie continued working on her mother's show, though. I guess working together all day, then going home together was too much. But in recent years Lucie seems to have come to terms with understanding that her mother had issues of her own with her own mother (Lucie's grandmother), who had abandoned Lucy for several years during Lucy's childhood to live in another state with Lucy's stepfather (who wanted nothing to do with Lucy; told her she could not call him Dad), and left Lucy and her brother in the care of a strict (and cold) step-grandmother, who pretty much confined Lucy to her bedroom all the time. This lack of a maternal example, and a strong instinct that she needed to work hard to care for her family (including extended family) financially, left her unequipped emotionally, or with the necessary time, to connect with her daughter on a deep emotional level. She probably could have benefited from some psychological therapy. I think it's fair to say that Lucie has regrets about holes in their relationship, but now understands why her mother was the way she was and is not bitter. And she did leave both her kids the bulk of her sizable inheritance, so the love was obviously there whether or not she succeeded in displaying it on an emotional level.

For all the facts you have stated about Lucy's childhood, I have always felt her kids were too hard on her as a mother, however I also feel I have no right to judge them as I was never in their shoes. It's just sad all away around. I just hope they truely had found peace with each other in the end.

[LittleRickyII]

Originally Posted by Hughsgirl

For all the facts you have stated about Lucy's childhood, I have always felt her kids were too hard on her as a mother, however I also feel I have no right to judge them as I was never in their shoes. It's just sad all away around. I just hope they truely had found peace with each other in the end.

Desi Jr. I wouldn't say is hard on his mother. He speaks very fondly of their relationship, though I think he's chosen to focus on the positive aspects of it and is grateful for her very supportive role during his rehab days, which bonded them more in her later years. As for Lucie, I think it's hard for her not to dwell on what might have been, and the feeling of being emotionally deprived. I understand what you're saying, but I also understand where Lucie's coming from. I see a lot of LB in my own father. There are a lot of those same traits and behaviors in my father, and it's made our relationship often difficult. But, just as Lucie learned about her mother's difficult childhood, I've learned similar things about my father's from his siblings. So I get why he is the way he is. But that doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with when that damage is being projected on me. You understand the damage that was done to your parent by the generation before, but that doesn't make you able to ignore when you're being ridiculed or put down, and your lifetime of memories of that. It doesn't ever just go away.

[Hughsgirl]

Originally Posted by LittleRickyII

Desi Jr. I wouldn't say is hard on his mother. He speaks very fondly of their relationship, though I think he's chosen to focus on the positive aspects of it and is grateful for her very supportive role during his rehab days, which bonded them more in her later years. As for Lucie, I think it's hard for her not to dwell on what might have been, and the feeling of being emotionally deprived. I understand what you're saying, but I also understand where Lucie's coming from. I see a lot of LB in my own father. There are a lot of those same traits and behaviors in my father, and it's made our relationship often difficult. But, just as Lucie learned about her mother's difficult childhood, I've learned similar things about my father's from his siblings. So I get why he is the way he is. But that doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with when that damage is being projected on me. You understand the damage that was done to your parent by the generation before, but that doesn't make you able to ignore when you're being ridiculed or put down, and your lifetime of memories of that. It doesn't ever just go away.

I definately see your point and I can relate as I also had a difficult relationship with my father for the same reasons - childhood upbringing or whatever you want to call it. e can understand it but not escape the hurt inflicted by them. I think it's easier for some (myself included) to kind of see our idols as a different case because we are not personally involved - at least that's how I saw Lucy, right or wrong. And I was always told that the same sexed parent has the most influence on you and maybe that's why it was harder for Lucie too. Oh well, it was what it was and in the end they did what they knew how to do.

[LittleRickyII]

Originally Posted by Hughsgirl

I definately see your point and I can relate as I also had a difficult relationship with my father for the same reasons - childhood upbringing or whatever you want to call it. e can understand it but not escape the hurt inflicted by them. I think it's easier for some (myself included) to kind of see our idols as a different case because we are not personally involved - at least that's how I saw Lucy, right or wrong. And I was always told that the same sexed parent has the most influence on you and maybe that's why it was harder for Lucie too. Oh well, it was what it was and in the end they did what they knew how to do.

That's well put. I hadn't thought of it quite like that, but I guess society does tend to look at personal lives of celebrities with a very critical eye, but ignores the fact that the same things that might be going on in our own families. At the end of the day, whether your parent is famous or not, we are all humans with the same basic emotional needs. I see some diehard fans get upset at Lucie for daring to utter anything about her relationship with her mother that makes her less goddesslike. I would challenge these people if they've never, ever said anything less than positive about their own relationship with their parents.

[Hughsgirl]

Originally Posted by LittleRickyII

That's well put. I hadn't thought of it quite like that, but I guess society does tend to look at personal lives of celebrities with a very critical eye, but ignores the fact that the same things that might be going on in our own families. At the end of the day, whether your parent is famous or not, we are all humans with the same basic emotional needs. I see some diehard fans get upset at Lucie for daring to utter anything about her relationship with her mother that makes her less goddesslike. I would challenge these people if they've never, ever said anything less than positive about their own relationship with their parents.

Oh I know about those diehards who bashed Lucie for speaking about her personal relationship with her mother if it wasn't positive and I just thought that they have no business doing so when they have no idea what it was like for her! I'm a huge Lucy fan and I loved her but I didn't know her personally so therefore I only loved what I thought I knew and for the laughs she gave me in some very dark days. But I also know from reading alot from alot of good sources that she wasn't exactly the fun loving Lucy Ricardo that we came to love, but some fans can't see the same difference.

[LittleRickyII]

Originally Posted by Hughsgirl

Oh I know about those diehards who bashed Lucie for speaking about her personal relationship with her mother if it wasn't positive and I just thought that they have no business doing so when they have no idea what it was like for her! I'm a huge Lucy fan and I loved her but I didn't know her personally so therefore I only loved what I thought I knew and for the laughs she gave me in some very dark days. But I also know from reading alot from alot of good sources that she wasn't exactly the fun loving Lucy Ricardo that we came to love, but some fans can't see the same difference.

Your comment reminded me of something I heard the late Steve Allen say. He was speaking at one of the Lucy conventions, speaking his mind to some of those same diehard fans. Looking out at the audience, he said, "Lucy's dead. Get over it!" Pretty tough language, but he went on to tell the audience that they never lost anything when she died because all they ever had of her was still there: all the movies and TV shows she made, they were all on film to continue enjoying. Then he said that he, on the other hand, had lost an actual friend.