A Honeymooners XMas

[Frank Gannucci]

(A Honeymooners XMas)

All: "Merry Christmas everyone."

Ralph: "All of a sudden, I felt like it was New Year's. Ha ha ha."

Alice's Mom: "I hope that you got gifts for people and not thought of yourself Ralph."

Ralph: "Oooooh, you are starting right in huh? Boy, will you be surprised."

(They go inside and exchange gifts. After Alice's parents exchange gifts.)

Ed: "This is for you Trix."

(Trixie unwraps.)

Trixie: "Ed, it's great. It's a ring from Kay Jewelers."

(Ed and Trix hug and kiss.)

Trixie: "This is from me Ed."

(Ed unwraps.)

Ed: "Boy, its great. It's a Mickey Mouse ringer t-shirt for me to wear down in the sewer."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

(Alice gives her gift to Ralph.)

Alice: "This is from me Ralph."

Ralph: "Wait a minute Alice. Unwarp your gift that I gave you."

Alice: "No, no, no. Do your gift first Ralph. I insist."

Ralph: "Okay."

(Ralph unwraps his huge gift. His eyes pop out of his head.)

Ed (being dumb): "Is it a bowling bag ball, I mean a bowling ball bag Ralph?"

Alice: "Of course not. It's too big."


Ralph: "Oh my God! It's a DVR. This way I can record all the footage of Jackie Gleason on TV."

(Audience cheers.)

(Alice unwraps her gift. Alice is shocked.)

Alice: "It's beautiful Ralph. I diamond bracelet just what I always wanted."

(They kiss.)

Ralph: "Before we forget, Mom and Dad, me and Alice give you presents right here."

(They unwrap their gifts.)

Alice's Mom: "Tickets for a three week vacation to Miami Beach."

(Audience cheers and laughs. Ralph smiles.)

(Ralph gets up.)

Ralph: "I will say this again. I love saying this. Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up – red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas'. Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home – you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you're going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

(They each kiss and hug their respective partners. The curtain starts to close but Jackie stops it.)

Jackie: "Ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally step out of character this way, but I want to change things up. Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Wait a second. In honor of the Christmas season, all of us should sing: 'Jingle Bells.' Don't worry, unlike Mr. Sammy Spear, we won't sing the juvenille version."

(Everyone laughs.)

All (singing): "Dashing through the snow/In a one horse open sleigh/Over the fields we go/Laughing all the way (ha ha ha)/bells on bob tail ring/making spirits bright/what fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight./ Oh jingle bells jingle bells/jingle all the way!/Oh what fun it is to ride and sing In a one horse open sleigh, Hey!/Jingle bells jingle bells/Jingle all the way!/Oh what joy it is to ride/in a one horse open sleigh./A day or two ago I thought I'd took a ride/and soon Miss Fannie Bright/seated by my side/the horse was lean and lank/misfortuned seemed his lot/he got into a drifted bank/and we we got upsot/oh jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way!/Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh, Hey!/Jingle bells jingle bells Jingle all the way!/Oh what joy it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh./A day of two ago/The story I must tell/I went out on the snow/And on my back I fell;/A gent was riding by in a one-horse open sleigh/he laughed a there I sprawling lie/but quickly drove away/Oh jingle bells jingle bells/jingle all the way!/Oh what fun it is to ride/In a one horse open sleigh, Hey!/Jingle bells jingle bells/Jingle all the way!/Oh what joy it is to ride/in a one horse open sleigh/the ground is white/go it while you're young/take the girls to night/and sing this sleighing song/just get a bob tailed bay/to forty as his speed/hitch him to an open sleigh/and crack you'll take the lead."

(Everyone cheers.)

Jackie (yells): "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! THE MIAMI BEACH AUDIENCES ARE THE GREATEST AUDIENCES IN THE WORLD."

(The crowd erupts with cheers.)

Credit for the lyrics goes to http://www.metrolyrics.com/jingle-be...as-carols.html