Ducks - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

moofomoo · 02-27-2002, 07:55 PM

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: "Don't Step on the Ducks."

So they enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity
chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly man. He chains them together for eternity as well.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. Then one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid her eyes on ... very tan, muscular and sexy. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Thought you all would get a kick out of that one

**moo, who doesn't step on ducks**

Warm & Fuzzy · 02-27-2002, 08:01 PM

LOL

would you look at that? A DUCK! (By the way, go to Washington DC, they have tons of them!

)

Hollow · 02-27-2002, 08:01 PM

LOL!

Kay Scarpetta · 02-27-2002, 08:07 PM

I have a joke too!!

There was this kid who saw a green mountain bike in the store. He wanted it SO bad, but is mother wouldn't get it for him. When they got home from the store, the kid began to cry. His mom said "Go upstairs and write a letter to God".

The kid said "Ok" and marched upstairs still crying. He started a letter to God saying

"Dear God.........if you get me that bike I will be good for a year"

Then he said "wait I can't be good for that long.." and he ripped up the letter. He started another one saying "Dear God.. if you get me the bike, I will be good for a 6 months" He ripped up his letter and said "I can't do that either"

So what he did was he snatched up his statue of the Mother Mary and tied it in a box and buried it in his closet. His next letter stated-

"Dear God...if you ever want to see your mother again, you'll get me that bike!!!"

Chocoholic · 02-27-2002, 08:07 PM

ks · 02-27-2002, 10:58 PM

WOW!

Moo, that joke was going around my school when I was back in the fourth grade and I haven't heard it since. It's gets funnier every time! I think I'll tell it at school tomorrow

Karli,

ks

KerriBerri687 · 02-27-2002, 11:05 PM

LOL!

I never heard either of those!!!! ahahaha

Czas na Zywiec · 02-27-2002, 11:47 PM

Funny!

julian bozo · 03-02-2002, 04:45 PM

here's one
A nun was waiting on a bus to take her back to the convent.
3 men were in line ahead of her. One man said I'm going to town A there are only 5 Christians there. A second man said I'm going to town B there are only 3 Christians there. The third man said I
going to town C there is only 1 Christian there.
The nun replied,"You all should go to Hell there is 0 Christians there."

-*Forever*- · 03-02-2002, 06:21 PM

FOLrocks1 · 03-02-2002, 06:52 PM

LOL These are great!

Warm & Fuzzy · 03-02-2002, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by julian bozo
here's one
A nun was waiting on a bus to take her back to the convent.
3 men were in line ahead of her. One man said I'm going to town A there are only 5 Christians there. A second man said I'm going to town B there are only 3 Christians there. The third man said I
going to town C there is only 1 Christian there.
The nun replied,"You all should go to Hell there is 0 Christians there."

LOL! that one is funny!

____________________________________________

Here's one...(another duck one)

The Duck

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender "if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing duck". The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing. So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it. A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if he's doing an Irish jig.

Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box. The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.

So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar. The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, "could you tell me how you stop the duck from dancing on top of the box?" The man replies, "Oh that's easy, you just take the hot coals out."

Amanda89 · 03-02-2002, 07:12 PM

LOL!

Hollow · 03-02-2002, 07:56 PM

Heres another 1

This kid had to memorize the first four letters of the alphabet for homework. When he got home he asked his mom what the first letter was. She didn't hear him cause she was talking on the phone and she said "Shut up!" Then he went to his sister and she had headphones on listening to music. He asked her what the second letter of the alphabet was and she sang "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Then he went to his brother and he was watching Superman on TV. He asked him what the third letter of the alphabet was and he said "Superman!" Then he went to his dad who was taking the trash out and he asked him what the fourth letter of the was. He said "In the garbage, in the garbage....."

The next day at school his teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet was and he's like "Shut up" and the teacher's like "Do you want to be sent to the pricipal's office?" and he's like "Yeah, yeah, yeah" so he's sent to the principal's office. The principal says "What's your name?" and he's like "Superman!" and the principal's like "Where's your homework?" and he's like "In the garbage, in the garbage."

Hollow · 03-02-2002, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
LOL! that one is funny!

____________________________________________

Here's one...(another duck one)

The Duck

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender "if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing duck". The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing. So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it. A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if he's doing an Irish jig.

Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box. The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.

So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar. The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, "could you tell me how you stop the duck from dancing on top of the box?" The man replies, "Oh that's easy, you just take the hot coals out."

02-27-2002, 07:55 PM	#1
moofomoo #1 Hans Conried fan Forum Regular Join Date: Aug 29, 2001 Location: land of Liberty and Justice for ALL...you got a problem with that? Posts: 770	Ducks Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: "Don't Step on the Ducks." So they enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly man. He chains them together for eternity as well. The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. Then one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid her eyes on ... very tan, muscular and sexy. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck." Thought you all would get a kick out of that one moo, who doesn't step on ducks

02-27-2002, 08:01 PM	#2
Warm & Fuzzy Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 02, 2001 Posts: 10,254	LOL would you look at that? A DUCK! (By the way, go to Washington DC, they have tons of them! )
	__________________ "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." ~Unknown

02-27-2002, 08:07 PM	#4
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	I have a joke too!! There was this kid who saw a green mountain bike in the store. He wanted it SO bad, but is mother wouldn't get it for him. When they got home from the store, the kid began to cry. His mom said "Go upstairs and write a letter to God". The kid said "Ok" and marched upstairs still crying. He started a letter to God saying "Dear God.........if you get me that bike I will be good for a year" Then he said "wait I can't be good for that long.." and he ripped up the letter. He started another one saying "Dear God.. if you get me the bike, I will be good for a 6 months" He ripped up his letter and said "I can't do that either" So what he did was he snatched up his statue of the Mother Mary and tied it in a box and buried it in his closet. His next letter stated- "Dear God...if you ever want to see your mother again, you'll get me that bike!!!"
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

02-27-2002, 10:58 PM	#6
ks Certifiably Insane Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 21, 2000 Location: I live in my hole... Posts: 5,501	WOW! Moo, that joke was going around my school when I was back in the fourth grade and I haven't heard it since. It's gets funnier every time! I think I'll tell it at school tomorrow Karli, ks
	__________________ "Ya gotta have a little faith." C.D. DeLerenzo

02-27-2002, 11:05 PM	#7
KerriBerri687 defying gravity Senior Member Join Date: Jan 13, 2001 Location: you'll find me in Emerald City...I'm the green one with the flying monkeys Posts: 2,869	LOL! I never heard either of those!!!! ahahaha
	__________________ *.:[K][E][R][R][ I]:.* So if you care to find me, look to the western sky. As someone told me lately; 'Everyone deserves the chance to fly', and if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free. To all those who'd ground me, take a message back from me: Tell them how I'm defying gravity. I'm flying high, defying gravity *insanity is like heaven*

02-27-2002, 08:01 PM	#3
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	LOL!

02-27-2002, 08:07 PM	#5
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235

02-27-2002, 11:47 PM	#8
Czas na Zywiec what up Forum Star Join Date: Jun 28, 2001 Location: Southwest Side, Chicago Posts: 18,398	Funny!

03-02-2002, 04:45 PM	#9
julian bozo Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 30, 2001 Location: Cullman,Al,United States Posts: 1,534	here's one A nun was waiting on a bus to take her back to the convent. 3 men were in line ahead of her. One man said I'm going to town A there are only 5 Christians there. A second man said I'm going to town B there are only 3 Christians there. The third man said I going to town C there is only 1 Christian there. The nun replied,"You all should go to Hell there is 0 Christians there."

03-02-2002, 06:21 PM	#10
-Forever- <3333333333333333333 Forum Superstar Join Date: Nov 22, 2001 Location: Manlius, NY in reality. Deerfield Beach, FL in my heart. Posts: 28,001
	__________________ "Mmm... no... Jeter does not do it for me. He looks like the Rock had sex with a muppet."

03-02-2002, 06:52 PM	#11
FOLrocks1 My favorite ladies! Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 09, 2001 Location: Ohio Posts: 4,103	LOL These are great!
	__________________ THE GOLDEN GIRLS! Sophia: (to Blanche) Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppie. This ain't gunna be no cakewalk. Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men. Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you? Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women. Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians. JACOB

03-02-2002, 07:12 PM	#13
Amanda89 80's Obsessed Frequent Poster Join Date: Mar 02, 2002 Location: New Jersey Posts: 225	LOL!

03-02-2002, 07:56 PM	#14
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	Heres another 1 This kid had to memorize the first four letters of the alphabet for homework. When he got home he asked his mom what the first letter was. She didn't hear him cause she was talking on the phone and she said "Shut up!" Then he went to his sister and she had headphones on listening to music. He asked her what the second letter of the alphabet was and she sang "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Then he went to his brother and he was watching Superman on TV. He asked him what the third letter of the alphabet was and he said "Superman!" Then he went to his dad who was taking the trash out and he asked him what the fourth letter of the was. He said "In the garbage, in the garbage....." The next day at school his teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet was and he's like "Shut up" and the teacher's like "Do you want to be sent to the pricipal's office?" and he's like "Yeah, yeah, yeah" so he's sent to the principal's office. The principal says "What's your name?" and he's like "Superman!" and the principal's like "Where's your homework?" and he's like "In the garbage, in the garbage."