Should children call their parents on Thanksgiving/Holidays?

[dakert]

If I had parents to call I would. The parent tried to call the daughter but no answer/call back. What are your thoughts? She is 49 and has time to post on facebook.

[Janice]

If I didn't spend any holiday with my parents, I would call them. I miss those calls.

[Marvo301]

As someone who's Mom just passed away I would say talk to parents whenever you can!

[Mr. Television]

Of course they should. Thanksgiving is for family.

[shotzette]

Families should call each other on holidays if they are able, but I never understood why the onus was always on the children to call the parents.

My mother in law lives with us and she occassionally gets very angry that her adult daughter doesn't call her when she ( my MIL) thinks she should. I've tried explaining to her that her daughter isn't psychic and she should just pick up the phone and call her (or her grandkids) if she wants to talk. I've also told her that since her daughter has a full time job and is raising three kids, she doesn't have a lot of "spare" time. My MIL, who is retired, has far too much time on her hands and gets easily spun up over minor things.

[OH Nuts!]

Originally Posted by shotzette

Families should call each other on holidays if they are able, but I never understood why the onus was always on the children to call the parents.

My mother in law lives with us and she occassionally gets very angry that her adult daughter doesn't call her when she ( my MIL) thinks she should. I've tried explaining to her that her daughter isn't psychic and she should just pick up the phone and call her (or her grandkids) if she wants to talk. I've also told her that since her daughter has a full time job and is raising three kids, she doesn't have a lot of "spare" time. My MIL, who is retired, has far too much time on her hands and gets easily spun up over minor things.

Exactly. Where is the LAW that children must call parents for the holidays? The situation with your MIL sounds sad. I know when I retire I plan to stay busy with travel and a lot of volunteer work. I hope your MIL finds a hobby &/or volunteer work that fulfills her, because having a lot of idle time does exactly what you state.

[shotzette]

Originally Posted by OH Nuts!

Exactly. Where is the LAW that children must call parents for the holidays? The situation with your MIL sounds sad. I know when I retire I plan to stay busy with travel and a lot of volunteer work. I hope your MIL finds a hobby &/or volunteer work that fulfills her, because having a lot of idle time does exactly what you state.

Thanks, Oh Nuts.

It sort of sucks for her because she used to have a lot of hobbies (sewing, crocheting, refinishing furniture) but she's had to quit due to declining eyesight and arthritis. She can still read (thank God) but, it's going to be awful for her when she can no longer enjoy a good book. She does enjoy gardening, but she can't really do that this time of the year.

[OH Nuts!]

Originally Posted by shotzette

Thanks, Oh Nuts.

It sort of sucks for her because she used to have a lot of hobbies (sewing, crocheting, refinishing furniture) but she's had to quit due to declining eyesight and arthritis. She can still read (thank God) but, it's going to be awful for her when she can no longer enjoy a good book. She does enjoy gardening, but she can't really do that this time of the year.

Oh, I didn't realize that. My impression is maybe she's sad because she can't do those things anymore, and the sadness is coming out as displaced frustration. Does she like computers at all, maybe an iPad might provide some relaxation. Or a Nook. But you're a smart gal so I bet you and your husband will find activities that will help her feel better.

(btw I love your posts. You can be outrageously witty.)

[Nighthawk76]

I think so, yes.

[Tweety]

Originally Posted by shotzette

Families should call each other on holidays if they are able, but I never understood why the onus was always on the children to call the parents.

My mother in law lives with us and she occassionally gets very angry that her adult daughter doesn't call her when she ( my MIL) thinks she should. I've tried explaining to her that her daughter isn't psychic and she should just pick up the phone and call her (or her grandkids) if she wants to talk. I've also told her that since her daughter has a full time job and is raising three kids, she doesn't have a lot of "spare" time. My MIL, who is retired, has far too much time on her hands and gets easily spun up over minor things.

Not that this applies to your specific situation, but there are some parents of grown children who would rather not call the kids during a holiday precisely because of the situation you describe.... the grown child works full time and is maybe raising kids of their own... and it's never a "good" time to call in those instances.

I personally think that the grown kids should in fact be the ones to call... I think it's a sign of respect. The grandparents can most likely take a call anytime, but might hesitate to call themselves because the kids are so busy.

If the MIL calls, is the daughter going to stop what she's doing and talk? Or is she going to say "this is a bad time" and blow them off?

I think holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas are great times to just stop the madness and take a breath...and people should use the holidays as a time to reset their lives and call and talk to loved ones... it's not like anything is long distance any more, so cost isn't a factor... everyone has enough minutes on their cell phones to call family during the holidays. It's always amazing how much time can go by between talking to family... months and months go by just like that... and if people have enough time to take a picture of their stupid breakfast and post it on Facebook and write "gee, breakfast was sure good this morning, I had a veggie omelette and here it is" then they have enough time to call family.

[shotzette]

Originally Posted by OH Nuts!

Oh, I didn't realize that. My impression is maybe she's sad because she can't do those things anymore, and the sadness is coming out as displaced frustration. Does she like computers at all, maybe an iPad might provide some relaxation. Or a Nook. But you're a smart gal so I bet you and your husband will find activities that will help her feel better.

(btw I love your posts. You can be outrageously witty.)

<blushing>

Thanks again.

I've tried to get her interested in my computer and my husband had tried to show her how his Nook works, but she's not interested. Fortunately, she loves TV, the cats and dogs, and has made a friend or two.

[Janice]

Originally Posted by Tweety

Not that this applies to your specific situation, but there are some parents of grown children who would rather not call the kids during a holiday precisely because of the situation you describe.... the grown child works full time and is maybe raising kids of their own... and it's never a "good" time to call in those instances.

I personally think that the grown kids should in fact be the ones to call... I think it's a sign of respect. The grandparents can most likely take a call anytime, but might hesitate to call themselves because the kids are so busy.

So true. I called my parents, with pleasure. I would have never expected them to call me on a holiday. It's a respect thing, but also as you say, a time thing. My parents were retired and home most of the time, while I was working full-time and running a busy life with stepkids and grandkids.

Now that I don't work, and I'm home a lot while my stepkids, niece and nephews are the busy ones, it makes sense that they call me. I don't call people while they're at work, and at home, they're busy with their kids. It makes sense for them to call me. I've told them all that they're the busy ones, so call me when you can.

We call the kids on their birthdays or to make plans, etc, but it's common sense that they call us. I've heard one too many times, "I'm busy now, can I call you back?".

[Family Ties Forever!]

Yes, I think they should call. I know that if I'm not with my family on a holiday I call them. I just spent Thanksgiving with my brother and family.

[shotzette]

I think that family should call family during the holidays; it doesn't matter who picks up the phone first. My only issue is when party A is sitting around all day in the depths of butthurt because they are waiting for party B to call them. It's not loving or supportive at that point, it's one- upsmanship.

[gilligan fanatic]

I think you should call anytime you want to talk to a parent or child, doesn't have to be a holiday