Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: Jessie

[TMC]

http://deadspin.com/why-your-childre...ium=socialflow

Jessie is a show about a bunch of rotten, overindulged (but ethnically diverse!) children who live in a f***ing SKYMANSION in Manhattan, and the put-upon buxom, redheaded nanny/au pair/wet nurse who is constantly lured into their KRAYZEE schemes. There's also a fat butler who gets clowned on because he's fat.

The Ross children are filthy rich because their dad (who is never around) is a famous movie director and their mom (also never around) is a famous ex-supermodel. JUST LIKE YOUR FAMILY! I assume the Rosses collected all their children in a feeble attempt to keep up with the Jolie-Pitts. Every Disney Channel sitcom must feature a group of kids who are either filthy rich or who work in show business, preferably both. Because that's exactly what my kid needs to see: a bunch of materialistic little s**s running around a penthouse with a goddamn pet komodo dragon at their beck and call. It wasn't like this when I was growing up! Back in my day, television shows depicted kids living in TOTALLY REALISTIC circumstances. Shows like Diff'rent Strokes and Silver Spoons and The Fresh Prince of Bel—OH MY GOD NOTHING HAS CHANGED. The reason that every Disney sitcom kid character works in show business is so that YOUR kid will want to work in show business, so that Disney will have a larger pool of child actors to cast in more horrible shows about child actors.

Also, every Disney Channel sitcom must deploy a laugh track that is jacked up to Guantanamo Bay Code Red levels of psychological torture. If you ever watch a show like Jessie, you can trick yourself into believing that's a real audience for about three minutes. After that, it becomes impossible to ignore how canned the laughter is. The track gets more and more grating and more and more disingenuous until you begin to question reality itself.

And just what is it keeping that engineered artificial mirth going for 22 minutes without interruption? SASS. Oh girl, do you like sassin'? Jessie and the Ross kids will sass you until liquid sass has filled your lungs and replaced all of the oxygen in your bloodstream. It's a g**damn sass factory out there. Worst of all, these shows are like AP Sass Lessons for your own children. I don't have a daughter anymore. I have an animatronic SassBot 3000, capable of rolling its eyes and saying "Seriously?" eight times a second.

[comedyfreak]

Plain Ridiculous!!

[Stormtracker TF]

This was obviously written by someone who is perpetually angry about life.

[waichingliu81]

awful article. i liked this show a lot