A Honeymooners Columbus Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed are overlooking the East River.)

Ed: "Boy, look at all this water Ralph. Just think. All this water floats into my place of work."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Yes Norton, it does. Today is Christopher Columbus' birthday."

Ed: "Yeah. Are you talking about the man who helped make Home Alone or the person who discovered America?"

Ralph (sarcastically): "Yes, I am talking about the person who helped make the movie Home Alone."

Ed: "Wow! I wonder if he is helping out making a movie today."

Ralph (yells): "OF COURSE I AM TALKING ABOUT THE MAN WHO DISCOVERED AMERICA." (normally): "Can you imagine him talking over with his wife if he had one that he was going to prove that the world is round. His wife probably said that he was going to fall off the face of the earth. I know that is I was Christoper, Alice would say the same thing. Just like always, I would prove her wrong."

(Ed looks at Ralph.)

Ralph (yells): "DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT."

Ed: "He would hate the fact that we are in the middle of a government shut down."

Ralph: "All of us do. I can imagine him saying: 'What is up with those BUMS in Washington?'"

Ed: "I fell honored Ralph. Just think that Christoper Columbus floated on these waters that now flow into my place of work. I feel honored to be working in the same waters that he floated on."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Yeah, with no Christoper Columbus there would be no America."

Ed: "There would be no Christopher Columbus if it wasn't for his mother."

(Audience cheers.)

Ralph: "Yeah, who knows where we would be if it wasn't for him."

(They both sing a song about Christopher Columbus.)

(Jackie Gleason comes on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)