A Honeymooners July 4th:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed are packing for a Raccoon Lodge July 4th picnic.)

Ralph: "Boy pal, we are going to have a real good picnic with fireworks and everything. Good thing that Cassidy loaned this car to me."

Ed: "Fireworks? You know what? Fireworks should be in the intro to a TV show with the actors names on moons with the stars face on one."

(Audience cheers.)

(Meanwhile some men are looking to sell illegal fireworks.)

Man: "We need some real suckers to buy our fireworks."

Man #2: "Don't worry. We will."

(After Ralph & Ed packed their grill into the loaned car and take off.)

Ralph: "Norton, look for some fireworks vendors...wait. There are some."

(Ralph & Ed stop by the men selling the illegal fireworks.)

Man: "Look man, 300 fireworks for $1."

Ralph: "What a deal Norton."

Ed: "I hope that these fireworks aren't illegal."

Ralph: "I can tell that these are legal."

Man #2: "You are real smart."

Ralph: "Thank you."

(Ralph & Ed leave and meet the girls at Central Park for the Raccoon picnic. The boys set up the grill.)

Alice: "Ralph, these fireworks look illegal."

Ralph: "Now that's crazy. I can tell you that these fireworks are legal. If they weren't, they wouldn't be sold."

Trixie: "Ralph, Alice is right. You can be in trouble."

Ralph: "You are both wrong. They are legal."

(The girls groan.)

(9:30p)

Head Raccoon: "Brother Ralph, release the fireworks."

Ralph: "I will. How sweet it is that we live in a free country that was free due to the men and women who served our country."

All (yell): "YES!"

(Ralph fires the fireworks. A good number of them misfire and hit police cars. No one gets hurt. Ralph has a look of sadness on his face. The cops who had those cars come by.)

Cop (yells): "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID SIR! YOU DESTROYED OUR CARS. LOOK AT THE FIREWORKS. THEY ARE ILLEGAL."

Cop: "You must have bought them from those people that were caught. They were on East 68th street."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, that's where we stopped to buy those illegal fireworks."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Ed: "Looks like another one of your plans went up in smoke and you will probably get fired from your job."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Head Raccoon: "You are also no longer a Racoon."

Ed: "What a shame."

(The girls come by as Ralph is being arrested.)

Alice: "Uh, who was right Ralph?"

Ralph (yells): "ONE OF THESE DAYS NORTON AND ALICE, ONE OF THESE DAYS....POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. I certainly wish everyone a safe July 4th and I hope everyone remembers the service men and women who helped make this country free due to them risking their lives."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Of course, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)