What Hallmark Doesn't Print.................... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Czas na Zywiec · 02-18-2002, 01:32 AM

I got this in an e-mail, and just wanted to share it with you guys!

* 1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
* 2 My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire
. . . I noticed your cat. Sorry!
* 3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet
of flowers . . . and a box of Depends.
* 4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be, but don't fret about
it . . . She moved in with me
* 5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder . . .What the hell was I thinking??!
* 6. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.
* 7. How could two people as beautiful as you . . . Have such an ugly
baby???
* 8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After
having met you . I've changed my mind.
* 9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life . . .I never believed
in Hell till I met you.
* 10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am . . . that you're not
here to ruin it for me.
* 11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go . . .
Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it
again.
*12. Someday I hope to get married . . . but not to you.
*13. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age . . .Almost Lifelike!
* 14. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that
we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
* 15. I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend
.
. . So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
* 16. We have been friends for a very long time . . . what do ya say we
call it
quits?
* 17 I'm so miserable without you . . it's almost like you're here.
* 18.Congratulations! on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who
the father was?
* 19. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and
there
was only one life jacket . . . I'd miss you terribly and think of you
often.
* 20.Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
* 21. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (available only in Alabama, Tennessee,
West Virginia and Mississippi)

vienna waits · 02-18-2002, 02:10 AM

LOL!!

Truth · 02-18-2002, 03:42 AM

Mossopp · 02-18-2002, 02:39 PM

That was funny!

My personal favorites were 2, 7, 14 and 21.
Nice!

FOLrocks1 · 02-18-2002, 02:41 PM

LOL! Those were funny!

Kay Scarpetta · 02-18-2002, 09:05 PM

I just got that in an email...

Czas na Zywiec · 02-18-2002, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever
I just got that in an email...

Really? What a coincidence!

Kay Scarpetta · 02-18-2002, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by EricMatthews

Really? What a coincidence!

Yeah! It was Amy who took it from this post and forwarded it to me! hehehe

Meg07945 · 02-19-2002, 12:00 AM

Saw something similar on ilovebacon.com:

Quote:

Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Kay Scarpetta · 02-19-2002, 12:10 AM

@ the thing Meg just posted

Hollow · 02-19-2002, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by EricMatthews
* 7. How could two people as beautiful as you . . . Have such an ugly
baby???

Ags2000 · 02-19-2002, 01:41 AM

LOL

LOL

D

Kay Scarpetta · 02-19-2002, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by EricMatthews
* 9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life . . .I never believed in Hell till I met you.

*snickers and smirks*

XoVanillaRain90oX · 02-19-2002, 07:13 PM

LOL@EVERYTHING!

02-18-2002, 01:32 AM	#1
Czas na Zywiec what up Forum Star Join Date: Jun 28, 2001 Location: Southwest Side, Chicago Posts: 18,398	What Hallmark Doesn't Print.................... I got this in an e-mail, and just wanted to share it with you guys! * 1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. * 2 My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire . . . I noticed your cat. Sorry! * 3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers . . . and a box of Depends. * 4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be, but don't fret about it . . . She moved in with me * 5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder . . .What the hell was I thinking??! * 6. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife. * 7. How could two people as beautiful as you . . . Have such an ugly baby??? * 8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you . I've changed my mind. * 9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life . . .I never believed in Hell till I met you. * 10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am . . . that you're not here to ruin it for me. * 11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go . . . Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. 12. Someday I hope to get married . . . but not to you. 13. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age . . .Almost Lifelike! * 14. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise. * 15. I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend . . . So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. * 16. We have been friends for a very long time . . . what do ya say we call it quits? * 17 I'm so miserable without you . . it's almost like you're here. * 18.Congratulations! on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? * 19. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket . . . I'd miss you terribly and think of you often. * 20.Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. * 21. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (available only in Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi)

02-18-2002, 02:10 AM	#2
vienna waits avatars are stupid. Forum Superstar Join Date: May 18, 2001 Location: Ravenclaw Common Room Posts: 29,859	LOL!!
	__________________ Me: Did you see Dunkleman in the audience at the finale? Crystal: No! Me: Yeah, that's because he wasn't invited.

02-18-2002, 03:42 AM	#3
Truth •°·Alien Believer·°• Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 15, 2001 Posts: 3,463
	__________________ Justin (I am an Alien Believer ) (A Seattle Mariner Fan) (And Down with Spyware!) R.I.P John Ritter

02-18-2002, 02:39 PM	#4
Mossopp asleep at the wheel Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 30, 2000 Location: Helensburgh, Scotland Posts: 3,726	That was funny! My personal favorites were 2, 7, 14 and 21. Nice!
	__________________ "Heavy metal has been my life since I was 10 years old. It's the only thing I know, it's the only thing I care about." Dimebag Darrell, 1966 - 2004

02-18-2002, 02:41 PM	#5
FOLrocks1 My favorite ladies! Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 09, 2001 Location: Ohio Posts: 4,103	LOL! Those were funny!
	__________________ THE GOLDEN GIRLS! Sophia: (to Blanche) Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppie. This ain't gunna be no cakewalk. Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men. Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you? Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women. Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians. JACOB

02-18-2002, 09:05 PM	#6
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	I just got that in an email...
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

02-19-2002, 12:10 AM	#10
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	@ the thing Meg just posted

02-19-2002, 01:41 AM	#12
Ags2000 Red 2/13/90 -1/5/06 Forum Veteran Join Date: May 02, 2001 Location: Candyland Posts: 5,544	LOL LOL D
	__________________ RIP Captain Lyle "Fish Stix" Gordon U.S. Marine Corps So this is how Liberty dies, with thunderous applause. -Senator Padme Amidala Can't wait until the 2016 change.

02-19-2002, 07:13 PM	#14
XoVanillaRain90oX youre RAD <3<3 Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 14, 2001 Location: SwEdEn BaBii! Posts: 3,416	LOL@EVERYTHING!
	__________________ <3Lisa With one look in your eyes.. & suddenly I knew, I'd fallen for you Proud PLAY fan, that's right 2001 - forever.