A Honeymooners Father's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Alice is getting dressed up to go to her parent's house. Ralph comes out all upset.)

Ralph: "Alice, do we have to go to your parent's house for Father's Day? I can't stand having to listen to that blabbermouth of your mother. I can barely stand her when she rooted against the Knicks."

Alice: "Ralph, we made an agreement. My Dad is getting very old. This might be his last Father's Day."

Ralph: "All right. I'll go. But next time, we are going to my Dad's house."

Alice: "Okay Ralph."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Ralph?"

Ralph: "Norton, are you doing anything for Father's Day?"

Ed: "Oh yes. Me and Trixie are going to my parents house. Me and my Dad may end up taking a dip in water."

Ralph: "Oh, isn't that nice."

Ed: "Yeah, me and my Dad are going to take a dip...in the sewer."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Let's go Alice."

(They arrive at Alice's parents house.)

Alice's Dad: "Here comes Alice and Ralph."

(The Kramdens enter.)

Alice's Mom: "Hello kids."

Alice: "Hello. Happy Father's Day Dad."

Ralph: "Yeah."

Alice's Mom: "So you are here Ralph." (sarcastically): "I guess your Dad doesn't like you just like all the members of your family."

Ralph (looking meaner): "Oh, you are a riot."

Alice's Mom (sarcastically): "That is so true."

(Ralph is getting angrier.)

Alice's Mom: "It's also too bad that you are not parents after all years. All we ever wanted to hear from Alice is: 'Mom & Dad, we are pregnant.'"

Alice's Dad: "The only one that we see here that is pregnant is Ralph."

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! YOU TWO ARE BLABBERMOUTHS. I CAN'T STAND IT."

Alice's Mom (yells): "CALM DOWN RALPH!"

Ralph (yells): "YOU TWO ARE TO ADDRESS ME IN A CIVIL TONGUE."

Alice's Mom (yells): "OH, SHUT UP."

Alice (yells): "YOU PEOPLE CALM DOWN. MY DAD'S AND RALPH'S BLOOD PRESSURE IS STARTING TO RISE."

Ralph: "I'm sorry."

Alice's Dad: "Us too. This whole argument is upsetting to me especially considerating that it happened on Dad's day."

Ralph: "You know, being a Dad is a great thing. I was named after my Dad. They used to call ME 'BIG' Ralph and my Dad 'Little' Ralph."

(Everyone laughs.)

Alice: "I certainly hope that if and when we become parents, we hope to be as good as you and not only that but to celebrate both Ralph & my Dad's days."

(They all sing a song about Father's Day.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. I certainly wish all Dads out there a Happy Father's Day. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)