A Honeymooners Memorial Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens and Nortons are on Coney Island with a barbeque grill.)

Ralph: "Mmmmmmmmmmm boy, is this day going to be good."

Ed: "That's saying it Ralph-ie boy. I get a feeling that we are going to be tottally stuffed by the end of today."

Ralph: "Come on girls."

(The girls come carrying the chairs, the umbrellas, towels etc.)

Trixie: "You could've at least helped us with these items."

Ed: "We couldn't do it because we strained our backs."

Alice: "How did you do that?"

Ralph: "By putting the items in your hands."

Alice: "Ralph, I don't think we should be here. The tide may come in."

Ralph: "'The tide may come in.' Did you hear that Norton?"

Ed: "Listen, I deal with tides every day."

Ralph: "We are STAYING right here. Boy, thanks to our troops, we live in a country that is what it is now."

Ed: "Yes sir, Ralph. Our veterans deserve to be remembered. They risked our lives to make sure we have our freedom."

Alice: "That is right boys. We should never forget them."

Ralph: "Yes, and every day on my bus from now until August, I ask people to donate to our heroes."

Ed: "Yeah Ralph, we should talk to those war vets over there."

Trixie: "Before we do, I think we should move."

Alice: "Yeah, I think we should move."

Ralph: "We are staying right here. I am taking a risk. You have to learn Alice to not be a coward."

(Alice rolls her eyes.)

Ralph: "We will leave the grill right here and we will leave the food right on the ground in this pan. Good thing I ripped open the bags for the hot dogs and burgers and all the rest of the food that we are going to cook. Let's talk to the war veterans."

(They go over to the war vets.)

Ralph: "Sir, I deem it an honor that you and yoru friends risked your loves to make sure we get the freedoms that we have now."

War vet: "Thank you sir. What line of business are you in?"

Ralph: "I drive a bus."

Ed: "I work in the sewer."

(The war vet looks like he is going to throw up when hearing that.)

War vet #2: "Oh my, the big tide came in."

Ralph (yells): "MY GRILL! MY FOOD! IT'S ALL DAMAGED AND RUINED."

Ed: "Looks like yoru plan Ralph which was to be an elephant by the end of the day, turned out all wet."

Ralph (yells): "ALICE AND TRIX, DON'T START WITH THOSE 'I TOLD YOU SOS.' ARE YOU GOING TO START WITH THOSE?"

Ed: "Ralph, now you have learned from experience what I go through every day in the sewer. Maybe we can fix the grill by buying some tools and using them."

Ralph (yells): "I WILL USE A TOOL NORTON! I WILL USE ONE ON YOUR HEAD."

(The girls try to make peace between the boys.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. How sweet it is."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "I just want to say that the war vets that you saw are real and they are very grateful that we asked them to be on our show. Give them a hand."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "They also love coffee and booze too."

(Audience laughs.)

Jackie: "Folks, all of the war vets need to be appreciated. Without them, we can't live the lives that we live now. They risk their lives prtecting us from those terrorists. Let's all hope that those terrorists lose."

(Audience cheers.)


Jackie: “Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Jean Kean comes on stgae. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audrey Meadows comes on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Art Carney comes on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “Good night.”

(Audience cheers.)