A Honeymooners Easter:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph & Ed meet at the front of the apartment building.)

Ed: "Ralph, are you ready for the Easter egg hunt this Sunday?"

Ralph: "Oh yes, I am. Imagine, the top prize, a card inside the eggs that says that you have won $50,000? We get to split the prize money."

Ed: "I can't wait."

Ralph: "Yeah $30,000 for me. $20,000 for you."

Ed: "That seems fair."

Ralph: "Wait until Alice hears about this. She says that we might be going over to her mother's. I will show her what we will be doing. We will be going to the Hong Kong Gardens and spend all of my winnings."

(In the Kramden apartment, the Kramdens are arguing.)

Alice: "Ralph, you are nuts. Entering a contest in favor of going to my parents house."

Ralph: "Oh, I am nuts? You want me to blow a chance at winning $30,000? You are the one who is nuts Alice. I am soooo not spending Easter with that 'blabbermouth' of a mother you got."

Alice: "Ralph, I told you I don' twant you calling her that."

Ralph: "All right, you are an expert on crossword puzzles, give me another word for 'blabbermouth.'"

Alice: "Ralph, don't you realize that this means a lot ot me. I so wanted you to come with me. I told my mother that you would be coming. If you don't, I might be very upset."

Ralph: "Well, that is a chance I will have to take. This is too big for me to blow you know. $30,000. You won't be so upset when I win the money. I will be just like the Easter bunny who just won a lot of food...DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT ALICE!"

(On Easter Sunday, Ralph is in line to participate in the contest. The line ahs a bunch of kids.)

Ralph: "Come on Norton."

Ed (O.S.): "I'm coming."

(Ed comes in line.)

Ed: "I thought I would get dressed for the occassion. If I did, how do you think I would look?"

Ralph: "You would look like a nut."

(They arrive at the signing for the contest.)

Man: "Sorry. You can't participate."

Ralph: "Why?"

Man: "Did you two idiots read the fine print?"

Ralph (reading): "Only children ages 10 and younger can participate."

Ed (whispering): "Ralph, maybe we can come back and disguise ourselves as 10 years old."

(Ralph looks at him angerily.)

Ed: "Well, I guess this is another one of your plans that has blown up as usual."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!"

(Ralph chases after Ed.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. Happy Easter everyone."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "I see that there are a lot of kids here. I knew that there would be since we advertisied the fact that the Easter bunny is here to take pictures with the kids."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)